I dont know what to do anymore..please some advice

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 08:25 PM

I have just called round to a local house where 3 children live with there pregnant mother, they are living in there own excrement(if spelt correctly).

When the front door is opened an overwhelming smell of urine hits you in the face, well as for the state of the house, i would not let an animal be brought up in there.

These children are clearly being neglected....im not quite sure who to tell about this.

The mother is DEFINATLY not interested in cleaning this house,
This mother if she can call herself a mother.

Please can someone give me some good advice
xx

**katickles** · 15-07-2008, 08:29 PM

I would be straight onto the childrens social care - like you said, thats a major case of neglect!

How & why do mothers treat there children in this way? It makes me so so mad. Nobody needs to live like that

Do you mind for these children?

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 08:31 PM

I dont mind for them, but i do care as they are my nieces.

**Ripeberry** · 15-07-2008, 08:32 PM

She sounds like she is not coping at all. How old are the children? Do they have a father at home?
Do any of the neighbours know anything about the reason for her circumstances, maybe she is depressed or something.
Maybe you could get her to contact Surestart or even speak to her Midwife to get some help in.
It would be quite drastic to get social services involved.
I'm pretty sure the midwife must know whats going on (unless she is NOT under the care of a midwife)
Very difficult situation.

**Ripeberry** · 15-07-2008, 08:34 PM

Cross post! Why don't you offer to help her out if she is familly?
How come everyone has let it get like this? Or is she one of these people who don't want any help because they are too proud and don't want to be told they are doing it wrong.
She does sound depressed though.

**Spangles** · 15-07-2008, 08:35 PM

Maybe the mother is suffering with depression or something? It must be quite overwhelming at times having that many children and another on the way.

I don't think you can leave it and not do anything. I would phone a health visitor and explain the situation and see what they suggest. She, and the children, definitely need help and you can only make the situation better in my opinion by taking some kind of action.

As you probably know, it's really rare these days for children to be taken away from their family, it's likely to be dealt with as a group and they should work hard to keep them together.

You won't be at peace if you just let it go on.

Let us know how it goes.

**breezy** · 15-07-2008, 08:38 PM

There must be a health visitor involved you could try them, does sound like depression, but when all said and done the children are being neglected.

Would she let you help? Perhaps just to look after the children so she can clean up? Let us know how you go, I take it it's not usually like this?

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 08:39 PM

My sister has had all the family helping her, she is far from proud, or depressed..she gets a nice bloke like the father of her new baby, who has been helping her , tidying the house and she throws it back in his face, she spends most of her time in her friends house. Instead of cleaning her house.
Noone can tell her anymore, she is like 32 years old.

**Spangles** · 15-07-2008, 08:40 PM

Just thought - have you got a local HomeStart? They would help out I'm sure or at least give you some advice.

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by breezy

There must be a health visitor involved you could try them, does sound like depression, but when all said and done the children are being neglected.

Would she let you help? Perhaps just to look after the children so she can clean up? Let us know how you go, I take it it's not usually like this?

Yes she has been like this for years and years...just damn lazy! Sorry there is no excuses...when you have kids more of a reason to keep the house cleaner.

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 08:43 PM

I dont know..ill have to do something...its not fair on her kids or her dog

**kindredspirits** · 15-07-2008, 08:52 PM

i think if you've tried everything else and she still isn't accepting help, i'd call social services it might just kick her up the a$$ to get on top of things.

**snowqueen** · 15-07-2008, 09:18 PM

If i phoned social services..other family members would go against me..yet they wont step foot in the house no more..they just let her get on with it

My concern is what if one of the kids gets some kind of disease...i hope they dont..

Think i will contact the housing association, maybe they could go in and scare her..

**chubbymummy** · 15-07-2008, 09:25 PM

what is important here is the health and welfare of the children.

if you think that they are being neglected then unfortunalty even though they are family you really do need to contact social services. the children must come first in this situation.

the impact of abuse whatever form it may take will affect the children for the rest of their lives and this situation needs sorting.

they may not take their children away from your sister, they may be able to help her cope with the children and the situation she is in, social services want to make sure that the children have the best start in life and are able to develop to their full potential

make that call for the sake of your nieces

**angeldelight** · 15-07-2008, 09:25 PM

What a terrible situation for you to be in

You obviously want what is best for the children and I guess its hard with it being your sister if other members of your family would be angry with you

Is it just the state of her house ?

Are the children at school ? If so why has no one else noticed ?

Are the children eating ok ?

Thing is you can not tell a person how to live - some people just like living in dirt and grime it may not make them a bad parent if you know what I mean?
To people like us it does seem terrible

Are the children happy - or do they seem distressed and unhappy?

Angel xx

**chubbymummy** · 15-07-2008, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by snowqueen

If i phoned social services..other family members would go against me..yet they wont step foot in the house no more..they just let her get on with it

My concern is what if one of the kids gets some kind of disease...i hope they dont..

Think i will contact the housing association, maybe they could go in and scare her..

you can contact them without them letting anyone know who contacted them

**haribo** · 15-07-2008, 09:54 PM

i have a neighbour a bitlike this - i got the shock of my life when i first went in. it wasnt actual dirt tho just grime from years of non cleaning . i wanted to roll my sleeves up and get stuck in.i have to say though its one of the happiest families i know.also the kids are immaculate. maybe bit different from your family ?? are the kids themselves dirty?

**Heaven Scent** · 15-07-2008, 11:07 PM

Why don't you pretend to your family that you too have wiped your hands of the situation and then report it anonymously then no one will think its you and when anyone mentions it to you act surprised and then say that you suppose you shouldn't be shocked as someone was bound to do it one day. You could then pretend to be disinterested and then slowly offer help if you see she is trying to help herself or begin offering to help the poor kids. - they don't deserve this nor do they deserve the trauma of being separated from their mother. What a terrible situation to be in.

**snowqueen** · 16-07-2008, 06:39 AM

Originally Posted by chubbymummy

you can contact them without them letting anyone know who contacted them

Yes thanks, might just do that....She dont listen to none of the family, so i might do that and speak to the school. I dont understand why she is the only one in our family like this.

**snowqueen** · 16-07-2008, 06:46 AM

Is it just the state of her house ? She used to let 12 year old boys babysit all her three girls, 1 is 10, 1 is 9 and 1 is 3

Are the children at school ? If so why has no one else noticed ? Im surprised the school has not noticed, i picked the 2 eldest girls up from school and they really smelt

Are the children eating ok ? They eat chips from chip shop, she dont go shopping