Parent asked that i dont go to toddler group!?

**S Stars** · 15-10-2013, 05:41 AM

Hi

I'm a fairly new childminder been going a couple of months. I'm currently settling in a new little one, she had been with me for a total of 5 days over last 2 weeks. I've got her again today and was going to take her and the two2 yr olds I have to toddler group. The new little girl will be due a sleep so figured she could sleep in car and I can carry her in when we are home. But mum has asked me not to go and to go for a walk instead as she is worried about her sleeping .... What would you do!?
She isn't settling brilliantly and is only 12 months but she is getting better the more I have her.

Any advice would be great thanks x

**Bluebell** · 15-10-2013, 05:51 AM

its a tricky one isn't it - I don't see why a mum should dictate to you what you have planned in a day and it is to the detriment of the other 2 children who at 2 will really benefit from the toddler group. However, she obviosuly has concerns and the child isn't settling so I htink you really need to discuss with mum and get to the bottom of it.

Is she asking that she doesn't go this week ot that you never go to a toddler group with her child?
Is it that she is worried that the child won't get enough sleep because while you can be flexible to the child the child also has to fit in to some extent with your routines. If the child had a nap between 3-4 and you had a school run it would be tough luck as she couldn't ask you to change that.

If the child is still unsettled a little bit and the mum thinks the toddler group will make it worse then maybe give it a couple of weeks and see how the child is.

I did have a parent say to me once that they thought a childminder taking children to a toddler group was 'cheating' I suppose they felt this way because we are paid to provide entertainment toys etc etc but I found it a ridiculous comment because they had take their child to a toddler group so could obviously see the benefits of socialsiation and a new environment etc etc etc! I should have known then they were odd parents with odd ideas about childminding and parenting and steered clear!

I hope you can resolve this because its your business and you have to consider the needs of the other children but having said that the parent is concerned and you need to be able to negotiate and reassure and make them feel like their child is being taken into consideration too - good luck x

**Bumble Beez** · 15-10-2013, 05:57 AM

I feel that particular parent is being very unreasonable...

You have two other little ones in your care who are used to going to toddler groups, so routine is important to them.
The idea of settling in sessions is also that the child gets used to what you do and going along with you.
Plus if the parent is worried about sleeping, maybe explain that if the child was to burn off some energy at toddler group she will probably sleep better after you arrive home.

I personally would stick to routine and child will just tag along

Sarah x

**Daisy De** · 15-10-2013, 06:14 AM

Is Mum just concerned about the sleeping or maybe it's the rough and tumble of a toddler group as I assume her child isn't walking. The little ones do seem a little vulnerable sometimes.

She might just need some reassurance that you can cope so a chat is the way forward.

They do benefit from getting out and about even if sleep patterns are interrupted, would be a shame for all 3 children to miss out

**S Stars** · 15-10-2013, 06:18 AM

Thanks , its hard isn't it! Mum has said before that she wants her to go to groups I think she is very worried about leaving her. The little girl is quite unsettled but is improving x

**hectors house** · 15-10-2013, 06:34 AM

Sometimes when settling children in I do miss going to a group as I need to know what that child's own natural routine is and how they settle themselves to sleep, rather than have them fall asleep in the buggy or car.

I would make it clear to this parent that they were informed what your weekly plans are and things you do on a regular basis and this is why she chose you and that you will miss toddlers just this once, so you can concentrate on getting to know this child in YOUR setting but that in future you will be taking all the children as it isn't fair that the others miss out.

**sing-low** · 15-10-2013, 06:39 AM

I had a similar one to this. I wanted to go to a toddler group but it was in the middle of LO's usual nap time. So I suggested a compromise of trying to get LO to sleep in pushchair. That didn't work so now we leave toddlers early to get home for nap time. I played up the advantages of the group for the LO - most little ones love watching older kids, enjoy singing time and they have more space to move around in a larger area than at home which is great for my crawler. I think it's about negotiating with parents, letting them know that you will take care of LO but they also need to get used to the routine.

**Jenna** · 15-10-2013, 07:04 AM

We go to toddler group every Tuesday and always have since I had my own son before I was a childminder I know help out at group usually just by taking an activity to do or preparing snack. One of my parents rung yesterday morning to say mindee was ill however he should be back today but would I mind not leaving the house with him. I kindly explained this was not possible as its part of our routine to go to toddler group and I wouldn't want the others missing out and also we do 2 school runs I did say to mum if she thought he wasn't well enough to attend group was he well enough to be here. Is the toddler group always going to be a problem with the parents or is it just until mindee has settled if this is the case could you suggest dropping the child off with you once you get back from group instead.

**S Stars** · 15-10-2013, 07:22 AM

Thanks , I think it's just because this is her longest day with me ( has only been a couple of hours at a time before) so mum is worried I think once she is here all day routinely it won't be a problem .... Really not sure what to do for best as aware the other two will be missing out

**ziggy** · 15-10-2013, 08:09 AM

A hard one

I go to toddler group on a wednesday and soft play thursday, children love it and I would go insane if I didnt get out those 2 days.

Think maybe I would miss it for a couple of weeks till child is more settled but is that fair on others?

**Lottie** · 15-10-2013, 08:15 AM

Hmm.. I think it's probably more to do with the parent feeling nervous about taking the little one out, than the sleeping issue. I wouldn't change the routine and I would carry on as normal. Just give her lots of reassurance. The little one and the parent needs to be able and willing to fit in with your routines asap. Otherwise she may be better off with a nanny and one to one care.

**dawn100** · 15-10-2013, 08:17 AM

It's tricky, is this going to be a one off request? Or will it lead to more requests in the future? Could you explain the importance of toddler groups for socialisation. Maybe say if new one isn't coping or is getting too tired you will leave early whilst she is settling and getting use to your routine?

**loocyloo** · 15-10-2013, 08:25 AM

I think that going out to a group with a new LO is a good thing to do, s I find it helps the LO to 'bond' with you, as you are the 'known' element in an unknown place.

the only time it can be difficult is if it is a group LO is used to going to with mum, or if lots of mums friends will be there! as LO may then get confused.

good luck x

**bunnyjess** · 15-10-2013, 09:34 AM

I was going to post a thread like this as the same thing has happened to me. But now 2 weeks later I still haven't been out with child as last week mum said she doesn't want her going out as she's due her jabs and this week mum said she doesn't want her to go out as she's on antibiotics? I've got another child tomorrow so I'm going to just tell mum sorry but I have to go out as it's affecting my other children

**starlight1** · 15-10-2013, 09:34 AM

I should be at music group at mo but baby has had a grand total of one hours sleep last night...but she is my only one today so I think if a child is under weather or had a bad night I do make adaptions...but there is no way she knows that in advance...

I persoanally wouldn't change routine for 3 on mums request..I think it can lead to many more demands but be positive and reasssuing and like another poster said tell mum if little one is too tired will leave early.

**ziggy** · 15-10-2013, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by bunnyjess

I was going to post a thread like this as the same thing has happened to me. But now 2 weeks later I still haven't been out with child as last week mum said she doesn't want her going out as she's due her jabs and this week mum said she doesn't want her to go out as she's on antibiotics? I've got another child tomorrow so I'm going to just tell mum sorry but I have to go out as it's affecting my other children

maybe i'm a grumpy old childminder but i couldnt cope with this. Sorry but if parent said this to me I would suggest she keeps child at home. I tell parents when they visit that we try to get out everyday even if it's only to play in garden, this seems very unreasonable to me

**bunnyjess** · 15-10-2013, 11:36 AM

Yes I think she's being unreasonable too. I'm definitely going to say something to her later. I'll let you know how it goes

**S Stars** · 15-10-2013, 12:42 PM

Thanks for the fab advice everyone we didn't go but did go to the park instead!
Have had chat with mum and an going to take her there as of next week.

As for the mum with the child who doesn't want them going out as on antibiotics have to agree they should be at home if she doesn't want the child mixing with others... Good luck!

Its soooo hard to please everyone!!!
Xx

**bunnyjess** · 15-10-2013, 01:40 PM

I just told the parent that I can't justify not going out tomorrow as it really isn't fair on my other children who haven't been out on that day in nearly 4 weeks. She got a little funny and just said she'll keep her off tomorrow. I'm just waiting for her to call me or something later as she tends to do that

**dawn100** · 15-10-2013, 02:30 PM

Bunnyjess I always say to parents that if they're not well enough to take part in my normal routine then they are not well enough to be here. I will sometimes adapt my plans to suit childrens needs, eg a child is more tired than normal so will cut short a toddler group so they can nap earlier, but that is up to me and not dictated by parents.