Hmm. Hope dad doesnt misread!

**smurfette** · 18-09-2013, 07:31 AM

So have a fairly new child who is almost Two ., she is a pet and has Been really good, her only issue is she has food phobia! She doesn't eat much at all, and mum told me that she was often slow to eat but if they get the first bite in she is usually ok. I think from this they probably force the food in the first spoonful.. I think they have got caught in a cycle of her not eating and them getting cross and some of it is definitely a control thing as she purposely vomits..
Yesterday that happened here for the first time and I got cross with her cos she vomited all over herself and me! I told her no very sternly and put her In the cot in the playroom for a few minutes. She said sorry when asked when she came back out and ate her yoghurt as I felt it was important for her to eat something after but also for her to know it isn't ok to vomit on purpose! This happened shortly before mum collected
And I think she was a bit upset when I told her ., she is finding it really hard to cope with and said how should she handle it. We laughed and said honeymoon was over! Anyway this morning dad dropped off and said mum had told her what had happened .. I said I knew what it was like cos one of mine was a dreadful Eater and its stressful.

Then Lo freaked out and didn't want to come in so he ended up picking her up and handing her over..She hasn't done this since she first started, I laughed and said are we not friends anymore?! Now I am worried he will think I have been rough with her or something as she didn't want to come in!

**mama2three** · 18-09-2013, 07:36 AM

I think its much moire likely that when she heard you and dad discussing it she felt the same upset / frustration etc as she did yesterday and got upset again. I really wouldn't worry, I had exactly the same issues when one of mine started - she now eats everything with me , never a fuss. Not the same at home though! She just new I wouldn't play her games from day 1.

**sprinkles** · 18-09-2013, 07:40 AM

I'm sure he doesn't think that although can see why you would be worried!

The little one I have has been a dream at drop off time since she started (squealing outside the door and coming in herself, completely ignoring mum) until this week. Monday mum had picked up from granny's to bring to me and said she had just woke up so thought she was crying because she was tired and wanted to see her mum - she stopped before we even reached the playroom - and I was on holiday last week too. But yesterday she tried to cling to mum too so I had to pick her up and mum dash off (again she was fine within seconds) but it does make you wonder if mum thinks child doesn't like it here!

Hopefully she will learn your rules etc. at least she said sorry - the one I have is two as well and unbelievably stubborn/huffy! Doesn't say please or thank you, and constantly says no when you ask her to do something. She actually says "oi" to me if I have something she wants!

**ziggy** · 18-09-2013, 07:40 AM

big hugs.

I think I would have parents in for a wee chat about this, so you're all doing the same thing.

Probaby best not to discuss it in front of her if it's a 'control thing'. I've never come across this before but my attitude to meal/food problems is to just ignore. I offer food, if it isnt eaten child is then lifted down from highchair/table and I chat away to others.

Have parents spoken to health visitor for advice?

**jackie 7** · 18-09-2013, 07:58 AM

I don't think hhe dad will think you are rough She reacted to the discussion. Can up ou text dad and mum and say no more food related discussions in front of lo. Always on phone or text or email. On the food issue yes no vomiting on purpose. Can you give toast of fruit even a bit later. I know the pain of watching a child not eat.

**wendywu** · 18-09-2013, 08:08 AM

I am the same as Ziggy i never insist with food and make it a big thing when they are new. It can be stressful being in a new place with new people. As we all know when you are upset or worried then the last thing you feel like doing is eating.

As long as the fluid intake is normal then i do not over worry to start with

**karen m** · 18-09-2013, 08:15 AM

I have a LO who for 10 months came no crying then his brother has changed nurseries so I no longer have him so just LO and elder sister, LO now goes hysterical every morning but within 5 minutes is fine I felt the same does mum think I am being to harsh or something so when crying stopped I sent a couple of pictures showing how happy he was , mum was fine but I thought I would just reassure her. Eating well breakfast is a I don't wont and throwing food so if he doesn't want it I take it away when others have finished cereal they have drink and breakfast bar which is offerered to LO 9 times out of 10 he eats it if not we just have snack a bit earlier

**smurfette** · 18-09-2013, 08:16 AM

Thanks guys! Part of the problem is that they still give her bottles during the day. She comes with two one for after breakfast and one for after lunch in case she doesn't eat,
Then if they are late collecting or are going on somewhere else there is a third in the bag! I think she also has one before she comes to me! I have tried to get them to cut them down and they have now halved what's In it but still The same number .. I think she won't bother to eat if she knows a bottle is coming. Hard because they are youngish parents and I don't want to criticise!

**angeldelight** · 18-09-2013, 08:16 AM

My own daughter was a slow eater and didn't eat much

I used to stress and worry ...and prob made the situation much worse

The doctor advised never ever get into a emotional fight with a child over food ....if they don't want it fine leave them be .
He always told me that children will eat when good and ready

Best advice I ever had

I stopped discussing it with my daughter and from that moment on things changed ...it took a while but she did eventually start to ask for food .ive used the same trick with children I mind ...it works everytime

Your little one is 2 years old ....she will eat when she's hungry ...it's becoming an issue because everyone is letting it ...which is natural we all react in that way

Imagine yourself ...I can go days when I don't want to eat much ...I would get upset too if I was told I had to eat but did not want too .

Ignore her food phobia and in the end she will come around herself but parents need to do the same ...ask if she wants something to eat show her what's on offer if she says no say ok fine but sit with the others and have a drink ..then ignore it ...one day she will say yes .

I'm sure the dad does not think you was rough with her .

Good luck

Angel xx

**Lottie** · 18-09-2013, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by angeldelight

My own daughter was a slow eater and didn't eat much

I used to stress and worry ...and prob made the situation much worse

The doctor advised never ever get into a emotional fight with a child over food ....if they don't want it fine leave them be .
He always told me that children will eat when good and ready

Best advice I ever had

I stopped discussing it with my daughter and from that moment on things changed ...it took a while but she did eventually start to ask for food .ive used the same trick with children I mind ...it works everytime

Your little one is 2 years old ....she will eat when she's hungry ...it's becoming an issue because everyone is letting it ...which is natural we all react in that way

Imagine yourself ...I can go days when I don't want to eat much ...I would get upset too if I was told I had to eat but did not want too .

Ignore her food phobia and in the end she will come around herself but parents need to do the same ...ask if she wants something to eat show her what's on offer if she says no say ok fine but sit with the others and have a drink ..then ignore it ...one day she will say yes .

I'm sure the dad does not think you was rough with her .

Good luck

Angel xx

I used to be a fussy eater and so is my youngest. I was about to say the same thing as Angel.

**suziealderton** · 18-09-2013, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by murphf

Thanks guys! Part of the problem is that they still give her bottles during the day. She comes with two one for after breakfast and one for after lunch in case she doesn't eat,
Then if they are late collecting or are going on somewhere else there is a third in the bag! I think she also has one before she comes to me! I have tried to get them to cut them down and they have now halved what's In it but still The same number .. I think she won't bother to eat if she knows a bottle is coming. Hard because they are youngish parents and I don't want to criticise!

Hi just had the health visitor out about my own fussy eater lo. One of the things she stressed was not letting little ones fill up on milk if thry arent eating. (We dont so glad i was doing something right!) So maybe speak to mum and dad about cutting milk right down with a view to stopping x

**Tulip** · 18-09-2013, 09:52 AM

Some good advice on here, I'd say don't let it become an issue, if she doesn't eat just leave it, carry on eating and chatting to any others eating, let her see what a lovely sociable time meal time is.
I would think the milk needs to be cut down as she is filling up on that. When she has eaten some thing, even if only a small amount I would give lots of praise and a sticker! Children love stickers and its a chance to share with the parents when child proudly shows her sticker. Good luck

**scottishlass** · 18-09-2013, 09:53 AM

This is a great thread as I have 1 mindee (17 months) and my daughter (7years) who both barely eat so will be trying those tips! X

**Lilylulu** · 18-09-2013, 01:15 PM

Its best to avoid discussing 'yesterdays problems' at the start of a new day. We ask parents to ring us (or preferably get them to write in the diary for you) instead of starting the day with a negative. We had a parent who used as a discipline tool at home - eg "if you don't go to bed/eat all your tea etc I will tell the childminder" she even admitted that she said she would take him to us at the weekend! yikes. She started to arrive telling us what he had done naughty at home, he was usually a very nice little fella for us, we just told her try not to bring up negative behaviour issues at the start of each day. (Lots of inconsistency at home).

**kellyskidz!** · 18-09-2013, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Lilylulu

Its best to avoid discussing 'yesterdays problems' at the start of a new day. We ask parents to ring us (or preferably get them to write in the diary for you) instead of starting the day with a negative. We had a parent who used as a discipline tool at home - eg "if you don't go to bed/eat all your tea etc I will tell the childminder" she even admitted that she said she would take him to us at the weekend! yikes. She started to arrive telling us what he had done naughty at home, he was usually a very nice little fella for us, we just told her try not to bring up negative behaviour issues at the start of each day. (Lots of inconsistency at home).

God that's awful! Using you and your setting as a negative. Or as a threat to her son. I'm glad you said something to her because that was out of order!!x

**k1rstie** · 18-09-2013, 05:24 PM

Great advise given today! I would suspect the milk is the key.

In olden times, when mum had a baby every year for 20 years, I old think that the baby only got milk until the next baby came along. Remember no formula in those days! Nowadays now families are often smaller, and formula is used, the milk phase of nutrition can carry on too long.

If your lo's mum was breast feeding, would she still be doing it in such volumes at your child's age?

(Sorry, my personal ramblings are now over)

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 18-09-2013, 07:58 PM

I would be tempted to "lose" the morning bottle

**smurfette** · 18-09-2013, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by Chatterbox Childcare

I would be tempted to "lose" the morning bottle

To be honest did think about just tipping it away, sometimes do forget to give her the lunch one and give it with her snack at 3ish.. She doesn't seem to ask for it or miss it and is just as happy with her juice cup!

Mum was great when she picked up,lo ate all her meals today and I decided to take the advice and not make a fuss either way. Maybe she picked up on that so was fine.. Mum said she had told her this morning to eat up and be good for me. Will try have a more In depth discussion with her out of earshot. Really believe the milk is key. Mum says dad wants to get rid of bottles altogether .. Implied it was her hanging on to them!

**bindy** · 19-09-2013, 07:15 AM

When I saw an professional regarding my daughters eating habits or the lack of them. One thing I was told... Make an allowance for all things, apart form when it comes to bottles of milk.

**caz3007** · 19-09-2013, 09:17 AM

I have a poor eater who is 3 in February and she still has bottles. Sometimes she comes with one in her hand and one in her bag. The one in her bag goes in the fridge and goes home again

She is new with me and mum has said she acknowledges the bottles don't help but I just have to wean them both off them