how long would you persevere for....

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 09:38 AM

As ive mentioned before i have a screamer started last week. Hes cries from 9.00 until 5.30 im exhausted with it and its only half 10. He went home early yesterday as his mum rang to see how he was and she could hear how badly he was screaming and my daughter had another hospital appointment. Said we would try again tomorrow. Hes come this morning shattered (apparently has a sore throat which is why hes not eating) so hungry and full of a cold. I am trying to get him to have a nap so currently sat on the stairs doing the every 4 minutes check up. How long would you persevere with this and hope it changes? I am going away in 2 weeks for a fortnight and by then the 4 weeks settling period will be almost over and after that ill have to give 4 weeks notice if i feel its not working for my family. My own nearly 3 yr old is nicely playing with her dollies while i try get him to sleep. Feel so bad on my own child having to miss out on me x

**Katteriffic** · 17-09-2013, 09:59 AM

I feel your pain! I had one who was like that when he first started, took him 3 months to settle down. I only me resisted as long as that as his mum is a friend, and he was fairly similar at home. He's been fine since then, but his mum is due to have a baby in a couple of weeks and he's started up again! I shall persist till after she's had the baby and think about again then. Especially since I don't have space for him and baby when mum goes back to work!

Sorry I can't help you with your screamer, I hope it stops soon!

**JCrakers** · 17-09-2013, 10:12 AM

I think the problem you will encounter is the 2 week break. When you come back it will be like starting all over again.

I would have a chat with parents and maybe extend the settling in period to 2 weeks after you come back. Then that gives you two weeks to tackle it without having to do it for 4 weeks.

I had a screamer for 8 weeks and its very draining. 4 days a week 8pm-6pm and she screamed for probably 8 hrs a day. I did everything I could, worked closely with parents but nothing would work. I gave notice after week 8 as I was emotionally and ohysically ehausted as well as the impact on my own family, my other mindees and potential business when out and about.

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 10:19 AM

Thats a good idea Crackers i may just suggest that. Would we need to do a whole new contract or just type a letter and get both signatures?
I feel really bad. The first few days i told mum he had been ok but by the fourth day i decided to tell her truthfully how he had been to see if she could help. But she says he never cries at home so she cant understand it. But i cant put up with it indefinately as i have my own family to think about x

**kellyskidz!** · 17-09-2013, 10:24 AM

If you're not coping with it and your own child is missing out, give notice.
Life's too short IMO
The 2 week break is going to be tough, will you spend it worrying about what it's going to be like when you go back to work? It will be like starting anew again and will probably take longer this time around, or the break could be just what you need to relax and start again with this child
You can't be running yourself into the ground and exhausting yourself over this though, it must be awful!
I have a screamer who screams blue murder for the first 20mins he's dropped off and then is mostly fine and I find that draining, never mind all day! You're going to make yourself ill, and no one wants that. I agree with extending notice period but only if you feel up to it, sometimes its just not feasible and that's not your fault xx

**KatieFS** · 17-09-2013, 10:25 AM

Could you have mum stay with you for a bit to see how she settles him? Its a vit odd he usnt likw that a home. Great idea from crackers, extend it if you can handle more if the same after holiday.

**Joda** · 17-09-2013, 10:35 AM

It's hard work when you have a screamer! I had a 9 month old start last year who was a screamer and just didn't settle at all. Mum had to go to work (giving up wasn't an option) and she was getting just as upset as baby when she had to leave. I persevered with him however and he is now 2 and totally adorable! He loves coming to me now - apparently I'm all he talks about at home, and now he doesn't want to leave when mum comes to collect him!

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 10:44 AM

Well i get married while im away so that is probably adding to my sleepless nights and exhaustion but over the weekend i was dreading him coming back monday. His mum has been back at work since he was 3 weeks old and she has been paying a friend to look after him 2 days a week who let her down and now hes with me 4 days. She said he was fine with her no bother and the only thing she does to settle him is give him a bottle. But thats not so easy when he refuses to take the bottle from me. Im confused, i dont want to give up so easily as hes my first mindee too but then i dont want my daughter to feel left out. it kills me to have to keep telling her ill be a few minutes and those few minutes turn in to 20/30 x

**KatieFS** · 17-09-2013, 12:38 PM

Congrats- where are you getting married!!!!!??? No wonder it sounds like 3 weeks that is early. I think you might have your work cut out!
It's very hard and so many people I've spoken to say their first is always hard. I would try again after holiday, but have mum in with you to see how she copes with him. Does she work full time?

Settling with a bottle is tough if you have others around. The twins I have only seem to sleep with a bottle. It's very hard work!

It's no issue to say your setting isn't right for him. There us def no reason for you to feel bad! Like u say the number if cms I have Met and their first mindee a challenge they all said i wished i terminated contract sooner. Some babies need alot if support to settle in and if you have other young ones you might not be able to give him what he needs. I'm afraid some parents make a rod for their own back with babies, obvs not intentionally but rocking to sleep feeding to sleep then makes it hard hit their little one with anyone else but mum/dad. So don't blame yourself in anyway.
I would try after holiday tho, be very honest with mum about it so she understands too.... X

**VeggieSausage** · 17-09-2013, 12:52 PM

I have had a few mindees cry a lot at the beginning, I had one that cried for 8 weeks solid and I still have him 3 years late, happy and settled. I don't think you have given it quite long enough - I would extent settling in period to 3 months, just change contract and get mum to initial next to ti. I would try and home visit to their house to see how lo behaves there, you may not have the full story and you might pick up a tip on how to improve things. I tackle the crying of a new one if it is just going on and on with walks!! so I am couped up with the noise in the house.....you have my sympathy it is awful.....some children are not suited to childcare and need to be at home with a parent, don't feel bad ....

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by KatieFS

Congrats- where are you getting married!!!!!??? No wonder it sounds like 3 weeks that is early. I think you might have your work cut out!
It's very hard and so many people I've spoken to say their first is always hard. I would try again after holiday, but have mum in with you to see how she copes with him. Does she work full time?

Settling with a bottle is tough if you have others around. The twins I have only seem to sleep with a bottle. It's very hard work!

It's no issue to say your setting isn't right for him. There us def no reason for you to feel bad! Like u say the number if cms I have Met and their first mindee a challenge they all said i wished i terminated contract sooner. Some babies need alot if support to settle in and if you have other young ones you might not be able to give him what he needs. I'm afraid some parents make a rod for their own back with babies, obvs not intentionally but rocking to sleep feeding to sleep then makes it hard hit their little one with anyone else but mum/dad. So don't blame yourself in anyway.
I would try after holiday tho, be very honest with mum about it so she understands too.... X

Im getting married in Rhodes! Exciting! X

**sprinkles** · 17-09-2013, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by littlebears1009

Im getting married in Rhodes! Exciting! X

Wow, how exciting

I get married in 8 months, scary how fast it's coming round!!

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 08:08 PM

This afternoon he woke up from his nap (he eventually fell asleep in the cot after an hour of not giving in) and he was a dream, like a completely different child and i loved this side of him. He didnt start crying until ten minutes before pick up when he started to get tired again. It really made me want to stick at it so I can see the happy little boy more and more. I think it is a sleep thing. His mum says he doesnt like to sleep and she finds it difficult to settle him but i think this is why he is hard work all day everyday. Thing is he comes to me at 9am looking shattered so its not a great start to the day, can hardly put him for a nap then. So i think if i can get mum to work with me on getting him to sleep instead of her giving in and grt a little routine we may have cracked it. Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by sprinkles

Wow, how exciting

I get married in 8 months, scary how fast it's coming round!!

It doesnt seem two minutes since the proposal and it was 2 years ago. I had my hen party at the weekend and still it hasnt sunk in. 8 months will come round in no time at all. These 2 weeks should fly by with my mindee keeping me on my toes x

**sprinkles** · 17-09-2013, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by littlebears1009

It doesnt seem two minutes since the proposal and it was 2 years ago. I had my hen party at the weekend and still it hasnt sunk in. 8 months will come round in no time at all. These 2 weeks should fly by with my mindee keeping me on my toes x

Haha don't scare me!! We are pretty organised though! I'm so jealous of you getting married abroad - are you getting married on the beach? X

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by sprinkles

Haha don't scare me!! We are pretty organised though! I'm so jealous of you getting married abroad - are you getting married on the beach? X

Im really organised too, not much to do really i tell them what i want and the coordinator sorts it. No, we are getting married at filerimos. It is an old monastry in the mountains. we get married outside though. Its gorgeous. Our reception is at a restaurant on the terrace which is right on the coast overlooking the beach x

**serin** · 17-09-2013, 08:30 PM

I have a screamer but he has a growling moan which runs all day non stop. It changed to more often in the morning and then on and off in the afternoon. When I pick him up it dont make much difference so I ignore him and leave him on the floor with toys. It is up to him if he plays or not. I have noticed he plays up more with other kids around or if they take "his toy" so my aim is to occupy the others to not be around him much. It has worked better. He naps 9:30-10:30/11 and then I put my others to eat while he plays, nap while he isnt etc. I alternate it and it has worked well. Have you tried him bringing a special toy from home?I dont think it helps mum hanging around. I think it makes it worse.

**KatieFS** · 17-09-2013, 09:09 PM

Sounds amazing!!! We got married in Cyprus, fab weather great pics everyone had a great time and I barely organised a thing - which was totally what I wanted. Brilliant!!! Have a fantastic time! Well done for your day today. Keep us updated when you return. When is your last day with him before your holiday

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 09:27 PM

My last day with him is monday as i go away wednesday. I did tell mum i would work tuesday to help but she has a flexible job and knew it would make things easier for me to have the day off before we fly to pick my dress up etc without the little one. So i have 7 more days with him to cement this routine and hopefully his mum will try stick to it while im away. Definitely thinking of suggesting an extension to the settling in period though. Thanks for all your help ladies! Much appreciated! X

**littlebears1009** · 17-09-2013, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by serin

I have a screamer but he has a growling moan which runs all day non stop. It changed to more often in the morning and then on and off in the afternoon. When I pick him up it dont make much difference so I ignore him and leave him on the floor with toys. It is up to him if he plays or not. I have noticed he plays up more with other kids around or if they take "his toy" so my aim is to occupy the others to not be around him much. It has worked better. He naps 9:30-10:30/11 and then I put my others to eat while he plays, nap while he isnt etc. I alternate it and it has worked well. Have you tried him bringing a special toy from home?I dont think it helps mum hanging around. I think it makes it worse.

Yesterday and today he brought his favourite toy. Yesterday it made no difference, he has held on tight to it today though! X