Parent anxiety
Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  2
Dislikes Dislikes:  0
Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Parent anxiety

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    8
    Registered Childminder since
    July 05
    Post Thanks / Like

    Unhappy Parent anxiety

    Hi

    I have a quick question, has anyone else had a parent so anxious about their child's well being that they start getting paranoid that your equipment isn't good enough, or your not good enough?

    Background: I've had a 1 year old for 2 months, we get on great in fact I'm the only other person apart from mum she'll go to... Won't even go to Nanna, Grampa or dad!!
    Everything fine but mum keeps on having digs, child had hay fever one day, she asked me if I'd left her child crying for hours! Mum thinks I should have a different car seat because it doesn't lean back ( it can't lean back I have no room in my car) so she expects me to pay £125 for a smaller seat that will lean back in the space I have! Her child is only in my car for 20 minutes on a school run each day! Other small things have been mentioned but those are the main two

    The thing is her anxiety is making me treat her daughter differently to the other children, I'm less likely to allow her to run around playing with the older children because she might get hurt and I'm scared what her mum will come out with!!

    Should I cancel her contract?

    Thanks
    Julis

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    south coast
    Posts
    2,978
    Registered Childminder since
    Oct 12
    Latest Inspection Grade
    over it ;-)
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    have you tried sitting down with mum and talking to her? or maybe invite her to spend a little time with you in your setting so she can see how they all behave as a group and maybe that will help her relax a little?

    If she is so keen for her lo to have a specific car seat maybe you could be very cheeky one day and suggest she buys it x

  3. Likes Maza liked this post
  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1,211
    Registered Childminder since
    May 13
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    I like Gail's ideas! Also, Mum may be trying to micro-manage because she feels guilty about leaving lo. Some reassurance that she is her Mum and the most important one in her life might help too.

  5. Likes Maza liked this post
  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    8
    Registered Childminder since
    July 05
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gail Tracey View Post
    have you tried sitting down with mum and talking to her? or maybe invite her to spend a little time with you in your setting so she can see how they all behave as a group and maybe that will help her relax a little?

    If she is so keen for her lo to have a specific car seat maybe you could be very cheeky one day and suggest she buys it x
    Hi,

    Yes the first instance I did sit mum down and asked her outright if she trusted me and she said she did, but I've got the feeling she doesn't, I have a suspicion she doesn't trust anyone!

    The problem I have is that I've just got over a very trying and upsetting period of my life and was just starting to gain more confidence and stability and this women is throwing me into turmoil all over again, I don't know if I could go through it all over again

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    By the sea
    Posts
    8,844
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Outstanding
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    If you're heart's not in it, it is going to be extremely difficult to work with this mum.

    What happens if her daughter did fall over while she was in your care? Can you imagine the recriminations that would follow? If you're just starting ti build yourself back up again, do you really want the thought of that hanging over you? I think I would be honest with mum. Tell her that you can't work like this & you feel she'd be better of looking for someone else. I wonder if a nanny would be a better option for them.

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    8
    Registered Childminder since
    July 05
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I know I should just cancel her contract, but I do have a connection with her LO and I'm just wondering if there is anything more I can do to make mum more comfortable ??

    God this job is tough sometimes, I need to get out

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    427
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec07
    Latest Inspection Grade
    GOOD
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mouse View Post
    If you're heart's not in it, it is going to be extremely difficult to work with this mum.

    What happens if her daughter did fall over while she was in your care? Can you imagine the recriminations that would follow? If you're just starting ti build yourself back up again, do you really want the thought of that hanging over you? I think I would be honest with mum. Tell her that you can't work like this & you feel she'd be better of looking for someone else. I wonder if a nanny would be a better option for them.
    I agree totally with this and have just had the same experience as you! My problem parent and Lo are leaving me on the 24th July ( after 3 months) and I can't flippin wait!!!!

    (What op has written matches my experience almost exactly!!)

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    8
    Registered Childminder since
    July 05
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by emma04 View Post

    I agree totally with this and have just had the same experience as you! My problem parent and Lo are leaving me on the 24th July ( after 3 months) and I can't flippin wait!!!!

    (What op has written matches my experience almost exactly!!)
    Ok decided, I'm going to take the weekend to consider everything, make sure mum is free for a chat on Monday to discuss everything and if mum doesnt agree to calm down and trust me 100% then ill end her contract and give her her leaving date

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    365
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Been there and you have my sympathy. I managed with the eldest child but when the second one came along and the same things were happening I knew I couldn't cope. Baby wasn't settling - not sure if it was my tension rubbing off or the fact that the baby was completely molly coddled at home. Either way I spoke to mum and she decided to pull baby out. I had tried for 4 months.
    Although I miss the money, I am back to loving childminding again wheras I was beginning to doubt my ability to cope (the mums constant concerns ) and thinking of packing it in. I feel like a grey cloud has been lifted.

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    365
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I wouldn't advise that you invite her to spend time with you. Firstly she will be looking for problems ( and find them even if there are none). Secondly the children will be disturbed and not on their best behaviour.
    If you can be honest with her that would be great. But I was honest when I spoke to my mum but she dismissed me. I wondered if she may have post natal anxiety, however she wasn't willing to discuss it and I was too stressed to do anything about it.

  13. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    665
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec 11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Children do have accidents. Is all part of growing up and developing sense if risk. Try be honest but if mum is that paranoid sadly I doubt it will change.

  14. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    427
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec07
    Latest Inspection Grade
    GOOD
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JuCjones View Post

    Ok decided, I'm going to take the weekend to consider everything, make sure mum is free for a chat on Monday to discuss everything and if mum doesnt agree to calm down and trust me 100% then ill end her contract and give her her leaving date
    Good idea, but I think you'll find that mum won't change her ways. There are some parents we can work with and some that'd be better off packing up work and looking after their lo's themselves! Harsh but true!!

    Good luck on whatever you decide, just don't let yourself be miserable x

  15. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Somerset
    Posts
    4,247
    Registered Childminder since
    may 05
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Outstanding
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I did look after a very accident prone child who unfortunately had an older paranoid mother - he was only child. She blamed me for every bump he had and would make me feel guilty by saying things like "Oh what is daddy going to say", one day she said he was tired when she brought him and said could I make sure there weren't any more accidents (he had slipped on a book on floor day before and bumped head on door) - I said I wasn't in control of his feet and did she want me to put a safety helmet on him! She shouted at me in front of my daughter and I went into complete shock when she left - I rang NCMA and they told me to write it up as an incident, which I did. I nearly gave notice but decided to continue but it was tough.

    Wednesday I had a child trip over own feet and crash head first into coffee table (its at side of room not in middle) I scooped him up fearing he had cut it open but it was just a bruise on eye brow - his mum was fantastic (child hasn't been coming long, so I was worried about her reaction).

    I would definitely explain though that hayfever isn't caused by crying! and that your car seats are adequate and that she is welcome to leave the lo's car seat each day if she likes.

  16. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    194
    Registered Childminder since
    Pre-reg
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Hi. I am in the same position as you. Have a 10mth old baby 3 days a week. First child and mum is very paranoid. I get random texts late at night. I got a text last week after we had been to toddler group to say I hope x hadnt been left in a bouncer all morning! Im seriously considering giving notice but decided to get mum in for a review but I feel a little awkward talking to her about it

  17. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Exeter
    Posts
    435
    Registered Childminder since
    Oct 11
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    It's hearing stories like this that make me bless the parents I have right now. I had one LO (who was just walking at the time and insisting on walking everywhere!) trip over and fall flat on his face in our driveway on the way back from the park a couple of months ago, and by the time mum came to collect he had a beautifully circular black bruise right in the middle of his forehead. I felt absolutely awful about it, but she took one look and burst out laughing! And she said that his dad had done the same when he saw it.

    Quote Originally Posted by JuCjones
    Background: I've had a 1 year old for 2 months, we get on great in fact I'm the only other person apart from mum she'll go to... Won't even go to Nanna, Grampa or dad!!
    Everything fine but mum keeps on having digs, child had hay fever one day, she asked me if I'd left her child crying for hours! Mum thinks I should have a different car seat because it doesn't lean back ( it can't lean back I have no room in my car) so she expects me to pay £125 for a smaller seat that will lean back in the space I have! Her child is only in my car for 20 minutes on a school run each day! Other small things have been mentioned but those are the main two

    The thing is her anxiety is making me treat her daughter differently to the other children, I'm less likely to allow her to run around playing with the older children because she might get hurt and I'm scared what her mum will come out with!!
    I guess she might not have realised that the child had hayfever that day, and only saw the red eyes and streaming nose, which might account for why she thought she had been crying for ages?

    I think generally though it's less about your equipment, and more about your relationship with her child. If you're thinking of cancelling the contract anyway, why not go for broke and just tell her that you are concerned that her anxiety is making you treat her daughter differently to the other children? (In a nice way, obvs!) Tell her that children can only form secure attachments to other adults if their attachment to their primary caregiver (i.e her) is secure, and that you are also concerned about her crying when other close family members try to hold her. Tell her, as kindly as possible, that either she trusts you and your capability to provide a safe environment for her child, or she doesn't and that it might be better if she found some other kind of care for her daughter (like a nanny).

    I think I'd also give her a week or so to think about it, before deciding anything, rather than unilaterally deciding to cancel the contract. It might be that she's struggling to cope a little with things, if this is her first.

  18. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    over the hills and far away...
    Posts
    1,183
    Registered Childminder since
    july 08
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JuCjones View Post
    Ok decided, I'm going to take the weekend to consider everything, make sure mum is free for a chat on Monday to discuss everything and if mum doesnt agree to calm down and trust me 100% then ill end her contract and give her her leaving date
    I think you've made a good decision there. Even if Mum does agree she'll lighten up etc, I would be putting the family 'on probation' somehow.

    Perhaps document the issue, write conclusions from both sides at the end of the meeting and state that you will end the contract immediately if you feel at any time that you are being criticised unfairly. And a review date after that so she knows you are serious and she can't slip back.

    Perhaps give it 4 weeks until the immediate termination can be enforced on those grounds, that way you are still giving Mum required notice

    good luck

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Quick Links and Advertisements

Important Information Links
Some Useful Quick Links
Advertisements

 

You can also find us on:
Parent anxiety Parent anxiety Parent anxiety

We use cookies to make this site as useful as possible. They are small text files placed in your browser to track usage of our site but they don’t tell us who you are.
By continuing to use this site you are consenting to cookies being placed on your computer. Find out more here: Cookies in Use

Childminding Help and the Childminding Forum are part of Childcare.co.uk