Help on how to approach parent

**skatie** · 22-05-2013, 03:09 PM

I have a 7 yr old girl that I collect from school twice a week. She is usually ok on a Monday but on a Weds when I have 5 other children she is a nightmare. She sees her friends and runs off, ok I know she is in the school grounds but I have asked her not to because I cant look after her if I cant see her. i purposefully stop by the school gate and wait, and wait, and wait whilst she has a social and then send my ds to find her. Am so annoyed today, I told her I'm going to speak to her mum as she clearly doesn't listen to me. I'm not sure how to word it with mum as I don't think she cares much. I only have her until end of term, do I just bite my tongue and not say anything and then wave her goodbye with a cheery smile or should I ask mum to have a word with her?

**Nicola Carlyle** · 22-05-2013, 03:16 PM

If it were me I would go and get her myself, take her hand and say "its time to go!" And walk away. She knows that she shouldn't be running off because you have asked her not to. I would tell mum that this is what you are going to be doing from now on as it just cannot be allowed to continue. X

**clareelizabeth1** · 22-05-2013, 03:23 PM

Definitely say something to mum as you have told the child you will so now if you don't she will get worse. Tell mum that lo will not listen so like said above you will start making her hold your hand or the buggy as you can not look after her if she is always running off.

**marnieb** · 22-05-2013, 03:35 PM

I'd also tell her that if she runs off again she'll have to spend the whole time with you holding onto the buggy¬!!!

**skatie** · 22-05-2013, 03:42 PM

I have told her when she comes out of the classroom not to move away from the buggy which she then does. I have gone and found her, taken her by the wrist and told her not to do it. I have told her that if she does not listen that I will make her hold the buggy, she still does it. Just about most Wednesdays this happens, my busiest day. The reason I've gone as far as the school gate is to see how long it takes her to realise she can't see me but I could wait there 15/20 minutes. She just does not care! I'll have to have a word with mum now that I've said I will but I just don't know how to word it because in actual fact I feel that I may lose it and cry in frustration.

**Helcatt** · 22-05-2013, 03:49 PM

I think you need to stick to your word! You told her that if she runs off, you will make her hold the buggy, but then did not do that.

So now she thinks it was an empty threat and will carry on ignoring you if you do not deal with it

I would get reigns and make her stand there and tell her that if she is going to behave like a toddler, you will treat her like one and she can come off the reigns when she has earned your trust

And as you said you would talk to her mum, you must also do this

HTH

HX

**littletreasures** · 22-05-2013, 03:54 PM

I had this with a little boy in my care, although he was 4 1/2. He would run off with his friend, although I told him to stay with me.

I have had him since he was tiny and he knows when I really mean it. I told him that I was going to keep a wrist strap on the buggy and if he did not stay with me, I would make him wear it.

I made him wear it twice before he realised that I really meant what I said and now he is 7 he still waits by the buggy with me, although I don't make him hold on to it now.

Stick to your guns.

**skatie** · 22-05-2013, 04:04 PM

Thanks, have spoken to mum who completely agreed that dd doesn't listen and said I had her support and that she would speak to dd later to ensure dd understood that she needs to listen to me. Phew! I was making a mountain put of a molehill as usual. Said she would look for dd2 to come to me next year when she starts school, ahem, think I'm busy.... Have experienced dd2's temper once before. Thanks for the advice as always.

**shortstuff** · 22-05-2013, 04:16 PM

Glad it went well with mum. But i would still have a plan in place.

I would make sure you have either wrist straps or reigns to hand for next weds. Give her a warning and let her know the consequences will be to wear them. She wont like that in front of her friends.

**skatie** · 22-05-2013, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Gail Tracey

Glad it went well with mum. But i would still have a plan in place.

I would make sure you have either wrist straps or reigns to hand for next weds. Give her a warning and let her know the consequences will be to wear them. She wont like that in front of her friends.

Absolutely, it's my number one job for this weekend to buy a wrist strap. And follow through if she doesn't listen, as much as I'd hate to embarrass her and make everyone look at me like I'm a tyrant.

**shortstuff** · 22-05-2013, 04:36 PM

Hopefully the threat will be enough x good luck for next weds x

**sarah707** · 22-05-2013, 05:23 PM

My after school children stand with me - they don't run off - they don't hang around - I explain very clearly that if they are not with me I cannot care for them, it's as simple as that.

I think you need to sort out the ground rules again.

Hugs x

**Rubybubbles** · 22-05-2013, 06:25 PM

Sorry but I do not agree with humiliating a older child with reins or wrist strap.

Sticker charts, lots of positive chat, and engaging in conversation with lo so they don't feel the need to go off and chat to their friend.

Sorry hides in corner now x

**Helen79** · 22-05-2013, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by Rubybubbles

Sorry but I do not agree with humiliating a older child with reins or wrist strap.

Sticker charts, lots of positive chat, and engaging in conversation with lo so they don't feel the need to go off and chat to their friend.

Sorry hides in corner now x

I agree with Ruby. Making her wear a wrist strap might get her to behave in the long run but it's going to humiliate her and damage her self esteem in front of her friends and may lead to her being bullied for being a baby at school.

If the ground rules for running off haven't been enforced right from the start then she's getting mixed messages from you about whether she can run off or not. And sending your own ds looks like it's fine for your ds to wander away from you but not her.
On Wednesday I would hold her hand or get her to hold onto the pushchair as soon as she comes out and don't let her run away from you in the first place.

**NI MINDER** · 22-05-2013, 07:46 PM

Why not rewards - what does she really like to do, eat etc when she comes back to your house. I would quitely whisper when she comes out of class - right (mindee) today you stay right beside me going out of school and if you do you will get x....

**wendywu** · 22-05-2013, 09:25 PM

I would hold onto her hand , i would hold hands with a 7 year old any way. That way if she wants to run off she will have to drag you with her

**bindy** · 22-05-2013, 09:28 PM

I agree, no wrist strap. Others around would question that too, may be her teacher if she saw her in a rain. I would take hold of her hand and not let go. Tell her if she can not be trusted to stay by your side, she will have to hold your hand all the way home. Stickers, stamp other treats for listening is a good idea. I have made a very simple book for a 4 year old who finds it hard to share, she gets a stamp when ever she does. It has really worked!

**KatieFS** · 22-05-2013, 10:03 PM

Love the different bits of advice!!!

Personally with my schoolies, as long as they can see me and I can see them then I'm happy for then to go and play. But when it's time to go its time to go. Yes positive reinforcement always works well 'thanks for coming back when we agreed' stickers rewards etc. but do agree if child not doing as told then have a plan to deal with it. I would say above and say if you don't cone when it's time to go then you need to stand and wait with me, show me you can act like big girl and you're allowed to go and play'. Wrist strap bit extreme but I bet you would only threaten it once and then she would think twice about ignoring you.

**nikkiv** · 23-05-2013, 08:46 AM

I would say to her I've asked you several times you've not listened so now u will have to hold on to the buggy I'm afraid if u still do not do as you've been asked I will have to get u some reins, I am asking you to do this for your own safety! If you can do this you will then be able to walk on your own again! Has worked with my after schoolies which are 6 I actually bought a wrist rein and showed them and explained I would have no option if they continued to run off!
At the end of the day she is in your care and u need to know where she is!

**wendywu** · 23-05-2013, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by KatieFS

Love the different bits of advice!!!

Personally with my schoolies, as long as they can see me and I can see them then I'm happy for then to go and play. But when it's time to go its time to go. Yes positive reinforcement always works well 'thanks for coming back when we agreed' stickers rewards etc. but do agree if child not doing as told then have a plan to deal with it. I would say above and say if you don't cone when it's time to go then you need to stand and wait with me, show me you can act like big girl and you're allowed to go and play'. Wrist strap bit extreme but I bet you would only threaten it once and then she would think twice about ignoring you.

Yes i do let my two 9 year old after schoolies play with their friends, but as you say they have to keep in sight