URGENT ADVICE NEEDED...PLEASE!!!

**cupcakencookie** · 13-05-2013, 01:34 PM

Hello all,
I'm due to collect a 4 year old from school this afternoon and just had a call from mum to ask me to keep a close eye on the child and text her when I got home with them. I agreed but asked if there was anything wrong as I thought it a strange request. She told me the childs father has been threatening to snatch the child (she is a single parent and told me at the beginning of the contract that under no circumstances must anyone else including the father collect the child). The thing is I walk home from school (only about 10mins walk) and will also have LO in a pushchair and 4 other children who I collect from school. I've not been told any details about why the father cannot collect the child but know there is a restraining order on him. My worry is the safety of the other children as well as the one involved. Obviously I will have my phone with me and if anything does happen I'll threaten to phone the police but I cannot physically fight off an angry father whilst keeping the other children safe. I don't feel I have a choice about collecting today as Mum is too far away to get back in time and the only emergency contact she gave me is unavailable today. I do feel quite angry to be put in this position...all for £7 a week

please could you advise what you would do? Thank you

**The Juggler** · 13-05-2013, 01:43 PM

hon, i totally understand your concerns. I would like to think that dad would not try to take the child physicall from a childcarer. I would maybe phone your local policestation for advice (anon) or ring mum back and tell her you are doing so and is she happy to divulge the fathers/child's name.

let us know how it goes.

**Rick** · 13-05-2013, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by cupcakencookie

Hello all,
I'm due to collect a 4 year old from school this afternoon and just had a call from mum to ask me to keep a close eye on the child and text her when I got home with them. I agreed but asked if there was anything wrong as I thought it a strange request. She told me the childs father has been threatening to snatch the child (she is a single parent and told me at the beginning of the contract that under no circumstances must anyone else including the father collect the child). The thing is I walk home from school (only about 10mins walk) and will also have LO in a pushchair and 4 other children who I collect from school. I've not been told any details about why the father cannot collect the child but know there is a restraining order on him. My worry is the safety of the other children as well as the one involved. Obviously I will have my phone with me and if anything does happen I'll threaten to phone the police but I cannot physically fight off an angry father whilst keeping the other children safe. I don't feel I have a choice about collecting today as Mum is too far away to get back in time and the only emergency contact she gave me is unavailable today. I do feel quite angry to be put in this position...all for £7 a week

please could you advise what you would do? Thank you

Is there another childminder or parent who you know at the school who could walk with you?

**sing-low** · 13-05-2013, 01:47 PM

Oh dear, that sounds scary. I think the best you can do is exactly what Mum asked - keep a close eye on her child. Could you engage that child in conversation so they're close to you during the walk home?

**cupcakencookie** · 13-05-2013, 01:55 PM

Thank you all so much for your advice! Thanks The Juggler - just tried ringing Mum back re phoning the police station and got voicemail would you adam and eve it! Just phoned my Dad and asked him if he could walk me home from school as back up (didn't give him any details of course) so I do feel a bit better about it now (despite my Dad being in his 70's!) Unfortunately no other childminders in my area and only a little village so if I ask anyone else at school there'll be too much speculation! Setting off in a minute so I'll update you all on how it went after 5.30 when the children have all gone home!
Thank you all again - I don't know where I'd be without this forum -Jobcentre probably!

**clareelizabeth1** · 13-05-2013, 03:49 PM

To late now but thinking of you hope it all went well.

**kellyskidz!** · 13-05-2013, 03:56 PM

Oh bless you, what a horrible situation, glad it turned out well for you. Definitely talk to mum though about this getting sorted out as you can't be having this stress every school run and you do have other children to think of xx

**Petshrinklj** · 13-05-2013, 04:20 PM

Poor you. That's a big ask of mum. Hope you got on ok. Think it was a good plan having your dad walk with you.

**Stapleton83** · 13-05-2013, 04:23 PM

Hi

Just read your post, hope you got on ok. It might be worth having a plan of action in case it happens again, plus good evidence for Ofsted.

Have you got a friend who could walk with you on a regular basis or member of your family, assuming they would be prepared to. What about having a rape alarm or something of that ilk with you just in case as I am sure it would stop him in his tracks.

Take care.

Sam x

**jackie 7** · 13-05-2013, 04:30 PM

It would be good if you knew what he looked like. Very d art for you. Good luck.

**blue bear** · 13-05-2013, 04:41 PM

Hope things went well,horrid position to be put in.

**phoenix2010** · 13-05-2013, 04:53 PM

I think you should explain to Mum that under the circumstances and should the worst happen you cannot be expected to stop a grown man from taking his child , you must put the safety of yourself and the other children in your care first

If she is so concerned about her child being snatched then she should collect them herself or get a family member to do this , this kind of thing is not in the job description

In my experience it would not be a a case of you fighting anyone off anyway as children usually run to the parent as soon as they see them and it would all be over in a second , absolutely nothing you could do about it ,nor should you try

If the father has parental responsibility he is unfortunately perfectly within his rights to take his child , unless the restraining order also means he cannot be near his child , in which case you would obviously call 999 immediately

Mum needs to have realistic expectations of what you could and should be expected to do

is it worth £7 , No!!

**cupcakencookie** · 13-05-2013, 05:37 PM

Well just to keep you all updated... did the pick up as usual but with my good old Dad as back up, phone in hand ready and promises of stickers and jelly for all the children who stayed right by the pushchair (took ages to get home as they all clustered so closely to the pushchair they were getting under the wheels - who says bribery doesn't work!

) and after all my worrying there were no problems at all and no sign of childs father...phew. So that is that for another week but as many of you have said it needs sorting out as I can't have that sort of stress and worry every week for the sake of £7. Haven't had the child long and maybe warning bells should have been ringing after his first visit when Mum complained that my a) my dd wasn't there for him to play with and b) he wasn't allowed to play upstairs in the bedrooms... I politely explained that I can't keep the children safe if I can't see them so all children have to play downstairs and that my dd (age 9) had been invited to a friends house that day but there were 3 other children there for her son to play with - my ds aged 3 and 2 mindees aged 5 and 6 so closer in age to her child anyway (4 years old). In hindsight I should have told her that my kids are not part of the package anyway!
Thank you all so much for your wonderful support and ideas!

**lauraring1** · 13-05-2013, 05:46 PM

Glad everything went well...

**caz3007** · 13-05-2013, 06:34 PM

I am glad it went ok. Often these things are empty threats anyway. Glad your dad was able to help, even though he is older, it was moral support for you.

I think I would be inviting mum for a chat about the situation. I have a LO who sees her dad lots and he often collects her. But him and mum do have set too's but we both know that if I bumped into him somewhere else and he demanded the LO that I hand her over and let mum know immediately and its down to her to sort. Having said this, he isnt a bad dad and he has PR anyway

**greanan** · 13-05-2013, 08:00 PM

Glad everything went okay :-)

**phoenix2010** · 14-05-2013, 07:46 AM

Phew , thank goodness , I definitely think you need that chat

**sskent08** · 14-05-2013, 09:11 AM

it is really unfair to be put in that situation without being consulted about it first! I mean if this had been explained as a potential problem you may not have taken the job on.

you should not have to get protection to do the school run, glad your dad could help but that is not the point!

certainly not worth it for the money!

hope you get it sorted, not nice position to be faced with

x