Help me make a sensible decision...

[Becci26]

Hi all,

As u may or may not remember I am currently pregnant (due beg August) and suffering with severe spd.

I gave notice to all bar 1 of my under 5's (now only doing 3 hours in a Friday as mindee goes to school in sept so didn't seem fair to muck him about).

I planned to carry on with my after schoolies until the end of the summer term (less than 2 weeks before due date), but am finding it quite tricky, I have to do the school run anyway but some days even though I am resting nearly the whole school day (so very boring!) I am feeling tired and in pain, sometimes all I want to do is just sit and be rather than being the happy, friendly, mediating (lots of arguments between siblings!), food providing childminder I should be.

I have 10yo twins 5 days a week, a 10yo, 8yo & 5yo ad hoc but usually a couple of times each week.

Now ordinarily I think I would just give notice to all parents that I will be taking maternity leave (most likely after half term) and they can sort themselves out, BUT:

The twins are going up to secondary school in September and will not be going to another cm, so I will be leaving them in the lurch for the last 7- 8 weeks of term which seems very unfair.

The 8&5yo are children of a friend of mine, now whilst I know she would totally understand, she gets 'mates rates' with me and money's tight plus I am super flexible with having them as ad hoc and know she won't find this again with another cm where we are, equally her support network is quite small and really feel like I will be letting her down.

The other child again is ad hoc but not so much of a worry as nan picks up the slack where I can't.

I really just don't know what to do for the best, I really thought I'd be able to carry on til the summer and just feel like I'm letting everyone else down if I stop early.

Sorry I have rattled on a bit haven't I, does it even make any sense?! Any suggestions very welcome :-)

[sarah707]

You absolutely must put yourself and the baby first!

Give notice, find someone to walk your children home and rest.

Hugs xx

[margaret]

You and babies health come first,give notice and rest.

[step11]

Van you not get someone to help you until then. I can imagine its hard.

[Allie]

Stop as much as u can or your condition will get worse. My daughter ended up in a wheel chair for outings on crutches in doors and banned from all housework (well that was a bonus) thankfully all fine after the birth. You must put your health first

[suziealderton]

Hi all,

As u may or may not remember I am currently pregnant (due beg August) and suffering with severe spd.

I gave notice to all bar 1 of my under 5's (now only doing 3 hours in a Friday as mindee goes to school in sept so didn't seem fair to muck him about).

I planned to carry on with my after schoolies until the end of the summer term (less than 2 weeks before due date), but am finding it quite tricky, I have to do the school run anyway but some days even though I am resting nearly the whole school day (so very boring!) I am feeling tired and in pain, sometimes all I want to do is just sit and be rather than being the happy, friendly, mediating (lots of arguments between siblings!), food providing childminder I should be.

I have 10yo twins 5 days a week, a 10yo, 8yo & 5yo ad hoc but usually a couple of times each week.

Now ordinarily I think I would just give notice to all parents that I will be taking maternity leave (most likely after half term) and they can sort themselves out, BUT:

The twins are going up to secondary school in September and will not be going to another cm, so I will be leaving them in the lurch for the last 7- 8 weeks of term which seems very unfair.

The 8&5yo are children of a friend of mine, now whilst I know she would totally understand, she gets 'mates rates' with me and money's tight plus I am super flexible with having them as ad hoc and know she won't find this again with another cm where we are, equally her support network is quite small and really feel like I will be letting her down.

The other child again is ad hoc but not so much of a worry as nan picks up the slack where I can't.

I really just don't know what to do for the best, I really thought I'd be able to carry on til the summer and just feel like I'm letting everyone else down if I stop early.

Sorry I have rattled on a bit haven't I, does it even make any sense?! Any suggestions very welcome :-)

hi becci

i had spd with my second. Not severe like you but i was in a lot of pain-dont worry about anyone else, do what is right for you, your health and your baby xxx

[mazza58]

you need to put yourself and the baby first, sometimes we think we are letting parents down but usually they are able to sort things out. Stop worrying and tell them so that you can relax more and get someone to pick up your children for you

[MrsP2C]

I agree you must put yourself & your babies health first but if you really need the extra money I'd give notice to both ad hoc families & keep the twins until the end of terms but explain to mum that you are only keeping them on because you don't want to let them down for their last few weeks BUT if you get any worse you may be forced to let them go so if there's any way she can make arrangements (playdates, after school clubs, use her holiday etc) to cut down the number of days or get cover for the final weeks it might help see you through to the end.

[ozzy10]

Make sure you put yourself and the baby 1st.

[skatie]

I agree with what others have said, I most definitely think that you should give notice and put yourself first. It may be slightly inconvenient to your parents but I am sure they will understand. I had spd with ds2 and it was so painful even turning over in bed at night. So I'm not surprised you don't want to do anything, listen to your body and rest as much as you can. It will only get worse the bigger you get too. X

[MessybutHappy]

Could you reduce the days you work somehow? One on, one off? also, can you talk to the families and explain and ask them if they can help because you don't want to let them down but you cannot keep on like this...you may be surprised at what they could do to help when they know? You're nothing to lose from asking!

[miffy]

Stop worrying about everyone else.

Put yourself and your baby first and give notice.

Miffy xx

[mrs robbie williams]

give notice now, get a friend to drop/collect your own child(ren) at school and rest - tell parents you are sorry but you have been advised on medical grounds to rest - yours and your baby's health must come first, parents will find school club/alternative care

[Becci26]

Thankyou guys, I absolutely know that you are right and need to give notice...

I am on crutches and have been for the last few weeks, thabkfuly the school is only a few minutes walk away but even that short journey is taking its toll and now the better weathers here the kids all want to go to the park but realistically even the extra walk to the park is overdoing it and causing more pain....

How rubbish it is, I really feel for anyone that is permanently disabled and in pain, it's certainly giving me an insight into a different life!

Am going to speak to mum of twins today and give her the heads up, going to have to carry on until the half term regardless as I can't take maternity leave until then and need an income of some sort really.

[RuthJ]

Notice is definitively he right thing for you. You poor thing and you will have quite a way to go until d-day

I have spd with my 2nd and it was so painful, but it sounds like I had it ok compared to you.

Rest up!

[hectors house]

Agree with other posts - you need to rest and put yourself first, I am hearing about more and more people who suffer from this during pregnancy - but I am sure when I had my kids 20+ years ago I didn't know anyone who had it - do they know what causes it, did you have a weakness in your hips before you were pregnant?

Sending you a big hug

[Becci26]

Agree with other posts - you need to rest and put yourself first, I am hearing about more and more people who suffer from this during pregnancy - but I am sure when I had my kids 20+ years ago I didn't know anyone who had it - do they know what causes it, did you have a weakness in your hips before you were pregnant?

Sending you a big hug

I think it's something that is becoming more widely recognised and diagnosed now.

For me yes I def had a weakness in my pelvis prior to being pregnant (although didn't realise it!) and the pregnancy has just made it worse.
On the plus side I'm not allowed to go any housework!!

[jillplum]

If the Mum is really stuck could the 10 year olds walk to your house? I have a ten year old that walks to my house if his dad forgets to collect him or is late etc.

[Becci26]

If the Mum is really stuck could the 10 year olds walk to your house? I have a ten year old that walks to my house if his dad forgets to collect him or is late etc.

Yes probably, I have already discussed this with mum as they were wanting to do 3x after school clubs so would have meant going out twice each day.

The situation wasn't actually so bad when I thought they'd be doing this as would be back to me 4:30 and going at 5,
But it seems to be turning out that they are now only going to be going to 1 after school club.... Going to have a chat with mum tonight and see what her thoughts are in everything....

On the plus side, my one remaining preschooler has just given notice as mum previously suffered with spd and knows how tough it can be, although looks like she's moving him to a friend of hers that is not registered....

[suziealderton]

has your midwife referred you anyone? mine referred me to a pregnancy physiotherapist (probably had a fancy other name!) and they gave me exercises and an attractive girdle!