Am I expecting too much from parent of my first mindee?

**sarahb1985** · 15-04-2013, 08:55 PM

I'm still pretty new to childminding, I became registered in February, so i'm just wondering if I'm expecting too much.

I've been very lucky in that my mindee (14 months) is so happy, easy going and I really enjoy looking after her.

Settling in was very simple and easy and Ive always looked forward to seeing her.

However, so far (4 weeks) I have never known the exact time I will be looking after her, even though we have a contract!!
The contract states 8am-4:30pm 2 days a week. Each time I have been up, ready, had my 4 year old ready and toys set up then recieved a text saying she will be here at 10:30/11. So we wait in, unable to go anywhere, trying to keep activities ready when my 4yr old wants to play etc. Then we are enjoying ourselves/out on a trip and the mother texts saying she is coming to pick up mindee early!! I never know what to plan, am fed up of getting up early to arrange everything nicely etc and I just feel messed about!!

I am waiting to hear whether the mindee is even coming this week and the contract states 8am tomorrow!!

Then of course there's paperwork and fees!!
Struggling to do starting points as hardly see the mindee properly!
And fees have been all over the place already! One week I had mindee for about a quarter of the contracted hours and I felt so terrible keeping all the money that I refunded half! I know I didn't have to but I felt I should for some reason. Even though we have a contract I don't feel secure at all!
I even find myself half hoping she will give notice as I feel like she doesn't even want a childminder :/ sorry for the negativity I think I was expecting things to be more simple...

**jo.jo76** · 15-04-2013, 09:02 PM

Oh no! That is not on at all. You need to get mum to come in and talk about what is going on as it is clearly not working. Is she not working? How come she keeps dropping off late and collecting early?
You should not be waiting in or keeping things prepared, get on and do what you have planned, that includes going out, if Mum wants to drop late or collect early then she needs to come and find you.
Don't feel guilty about the money, it is her choice to pick up early or drop off late. No more giving money back!

**shortstuff** · 15-04-2013, 09:06 PM

I think you need to learn to say NO. When the mum texts to say she will be late dropping off reply that she will need to drop LO to where ever you had planned to go. When the mum says she is collecting early let her know where to collect LO from.

I would suggest to re read what you put in the contract for your own benefit. That way you might not be inclined to refund monies next time. The parent is paying you for the hours stated in the contract and choosing to send LO for less. You havent asked for LO to arrive late or be collected early.

You need to make a fresh start with this family and stay consistent. Both you and the family know where you stand then. Its almost like changing the rules for LO's within your setting. They will get away with as much as you allow them to.

Stay strong and remember its your business. The parent is treating you in any way you let them. Stand by your contract and enforce it or you might have further difficulties later on too.

**Mrs Scrubbit** · 15-04-2013, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by Gail Tracey

I think you need to learn to say NO. When the mum texts to say she will be late dropping off reply that she will need to drop LO to where ever you had planned to go. When the mum says she is collecting early let her know where to collect LO from.

I would suggest to re read what you put in the contract for your own benefit. That way you might not be inclined to refund monies next time. The parent is paying you for the hours stated in the contract and choosing to send LO for less. You havent asked for LO to arrive late or be collected early.

You need to make a fresh start with this family and stay consistent. Both you and the family know where you stand then. Its almost like changing the rules for LO's within your setting. They will get away with as much as you allow them to.

Stay strong and remember its your business. The parent is treating you in any way you let them. Stand by your contract and enforce it or you might have further difficulties later on too.

You took the words out of my mouth- couldn't agree more, be firm now and don't get walked over and remember that you are not an employee- you work for yourself running a business xx

**sarahb1985** · 15-04-2013, 09:15 PM

Thankyou! I really needed to know it's not just me thinking it shouldn't be like this! Well she has a job but not contracted hours so she goes in for a few hours sometimes and then has a week or so off. One time though she was working but her brother had a day off so he picked mindee up early, I actually don't even know why!!! I think sometimes she takes advantage of the fact I only have one mindee right now so I can be a bit flexible, but then sometimes it just seems like she just wants a childminder to get a break for a couple of hours(her husband works so I don't think she needs to). I keep wondering to myself why she signed a contract that is so many hours when I haven't had mindee for a full day yet, longest was 5 hours and I've had her 8 days now over 4 weeks.
I know I shouldn't give money back but it feels wrong keeping it when I've hardly looked after the child! But yes I will talk to the mother and ask her if she wants to change the contract/ why she she drops off late and picks up early. She is very quiet and hard to talk to, so far I've struggled getting information out of her for the child's needs let alone anything else but I know I need to! Thankyou x

**sarahb1985** · 15-04-2013, 09:18 PM

Thankyou all, I know I do need to be strong, I will re-read the contract and think about what I will say. Thankyou all again x

**Mrs Scrubbit** · 15-04-2013, 09:24 PM

don't refund fees anymore! you are open for business its her fault if she decides not to use her contracted hours...........CHARGE x

**sbranch** · 15-04-2013, 09:57 PM

I think it can often be a mistake that parents make thinking that we are babysitters not professional childminders. The parent has made her decision and has contracted you for her chosen hours. I would start to organise your day and have her fit in with your plans ( dropping and collecting where you are) This is your business and she is your client. You can be firm that does not make you unfair. Best of luck

**blue bear** · 15-04-2013, 10:05 PM

Ask yourself would you stay in and wait for her to arrive /leave activities early etc if your four year old was a mindee? No all the children including your four year old are important and you shouldn't be waiting around for one mindee to arrive and depriving your child of play and learning opportunities. Explain to mum,you expect child at 8 o'clock and whilst it is ok for her to drop later or collect early she will have to come and find you at the toddlers etc so your child (and hers) does not miss out.
if your contract says full fee even if child does not attend then stick to it, you will be storing up all sorts of problems in the future if you break your own rules.

**starlight1** · 15-04-2013, 10:54 PM

You have to also think I assume your 4 year old will be in school September and you will have to leave regardless of anyones arrival

While you are not full yet you are still unable to take a child in that place as it is open to her...

It is hard to be tough but this is a business

I do my invoice..Contracted hours ..then additional hours ..It makes it clearer and feels less open to debate

good luck

**mama2three** · 16-04-2013, 06:50 AM

At the moment youre actually rewarding her for messing you around. If she drops off late and picks up early you are charging her less!

Its so easy to fall into these traps when we first start childminding though , most of us speak from experience and have 'toughened up' over time!

**caz3007** · 16-04-2013, 07:04 AM

I echo everyone elses comments, perhaps arrange a meeting and have a chat, but dont feel guilty about taking the money. She signed the contract and knew your charges and if child is late arriving or early collecting thats her choice.

Do you have a dropping/collection policy, if not I would do one now and make sure its written to suit the circumstances along with everything else and make sure mum gets a copy and signs to say she has read it.

**miffy** · 16-04-2013, 07:16 AM

I think you need to have a chat with mum - she may not be messing you around intentionally, she probably hasn't even thought about it from your point of view or even thinks it's OK because you have never said anything.

Let parent know that fees as agreed in the contract will be payable whether she drops lo off late or picks up early. Say that you will be following your normal routines and so if she is late she will need to phone you and then drop lo off wherever you are. I wouldn't agree to cut short outings either - just tell her where you are and let her collect lo from there.

Don't worry too much - I doubt there's a single member of this forum who's got everything right from the start, most of us have learnt through experience!

Miffy xx

**hectors house** · 16-04-2013, 07:24 AM

Maybe she is getting you confused with a Nursery where it doesn't matter if you drop off late and collect early as they are always there - the reason most people choose a childminder is because we take the children out into the real world!

**MiniKins** · 16-04-2013, 10:38 AM

Ask yourself whether her unreliability is a problem or just an annoyance.

If it's a problem you need to take steps to rectify things ~ a chat first and a few suggestions as to how to sort it out as miffy advises, and then a decision by yourself as to whether it is workable.

However, if it's just annoying, make sure your happy with what you charge her for the privilege of acting like this (certainly don't undercharge or refund). Annoyances happen all the time (arrgggh…why do they put them in lace-up shoes?!), don't let them become all-consuming ~ its part of being a 'service provider'.

See it as an opportunity to show how accommodating you can be...she may well become an ambassador for your business!

**KatieFS** · 16-04-2013, 07:58 PM

Absolutely not!

Completely agree with everything everyone has said. Never refund if its their choice to drop collect different time. Never wait in or delay activities more than in reasonable, especially if you have little ones of your own!

One piece of advice I was given when I started up was never to put my own children second to minded ones, to bear in mind they are sharing lots of things (their home, toys, mum!) and make sure you maintain balance with all the children. Might sound harsh but it is your business and your home and your family you're invitng other people and families into.
Never feel bad.. It's not your fault! X x