wont appologise!!!!

[georgeypie07]

Im after any suggestions to help one of my 2 year old mindees to appoligise. He has just turned 2 and has gone from sweetness and light to.....lets be polite about this...... Not so sweetness and light. Quite often he will snatch, smack or have a meltdown for no reason, when i put him on the 'time out step' for two minutes, he accepts it and stays put but when i go to fetch him i explain why hes been there and say 'shall we go and say sorry to so and so' and he will just refuse.
Hes very advanced in speech and understanding so i know he knows how to say it and what it means, he just down right refuses and goes all sulky!! Apparantly at home he does it as well, but at home his mum juats gives in where as i cant do that as i cant set that example for all the other mindees!!! Help, i just dont know how to get around it!

[Koala]

Wow I've had 2 of these situations in the past week, 2 different children but both 2 year olds.

I did the same as you the child went in to time out - came out of time out to apologize and they refused.
I took the child back in to time out several times and repeated the request to apologize, one time the child said No!
We kept going back to time out until an apology was made.
It was such hard work, challenging and it was so very difficult not to give in, but if I did I knew we would never move forward, eventually she gave in

Later in the day I showed how easy it was to say sorry, and purposefully made excuses to say sorry (leading by example).

Don't let the child get away with it, you aren't doing them any favours and in the future they know they can disrespect your request and you will just give in - like mum. anarchy
the two year olds win

[FussyElmo]

Perhaps avoid a battle of wills and the child has been put into time out some children can be very stubborn and refuse to say sorry. If you force the child to say sorry there is no meaning to it they are saying sorry because you are making them.

Also they are 2 qand probably dont want to say sorry as they dont actually believe they are wrong

I wouldnt be making an issue out of it especially if you have used time out as well.

[dette]

its very easy to presume that just because a child has advanced language skills that they should also have advanced understanding and emotional skills. LO is only 2 !!!
i think sometimes they find it embarasing to say sorry ,and it can make the situation go on for a lot longer than it needs to.saying sorry has no meaning to a child of 2 ,you would be better of talking to him and explain that he has made x feel sad and it wasnt kind to do x y and z...and x would feel better with if they could have a little hug..
i agree with time out but then i always follow up with a little chat to see if LO understands why they have had time out ,quite often they dont have a clue.No point in adding to that with saying sorry ...how can a LO have the emotional maturity to know what bein sorry is.its just a word ,
show him that being sorry is trying to make someone feel better if you have made them sad

[moggy]

I would never force a child to say sorry- it would not be sincere, humiliates the child and gets everyone stressed. I model appropriate apologies, sometimes also using the sign for sorry (clenched fist circling the heart on your chest). I suggest saying sorry, but sometimes say 'when you are ready' and with some talk and reflection they may then do so. For a 2 year old I talk about how to say sorry, like 'oh dear, that must have hurt X when you pushed him. He's looking sad, shall we help make him feel better/we could give him a hug/we could say sorry to show we didn't mean to hurt him' etc etc and sometimes come back to it when everyone has calmed down as there is no point if the child is having a huff/tantrum. But most important is modelling it at all times, whenever I do anything with the children that I can apologise for I do so!

[georgeypie07]

Thanks everyone, some great advice. Im going to try these out for sure!! I always say this but i love this site as i get loads of help and everyone is brilliant!!! (also just to clear any confusion, i would never FORCE a child to say something they didnt want to.)

[RuthJ]

I've witnessed many times at toddler groups and the like, parents getting frustrated and angry with their child because he/she won't say sorry. I can't see the point - it achieves nothing and can be humiliating for children if it's made a very public issue.

I would address the behaviour with time out, as you did. By all means encourage or suggest to a child that an apology would be nice, or a hug but definitley don't force it.

[hello kitty]

I agree, sometimes the child is embarrassed to say sorry and I will ask the child if he/she wants me to say sorry for them, with them beside me. Or sometimes they will give a hug by way of apology.