URGENT help please..
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  1. #1
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    Default URGENT help please..

    I am so upset I am shaking...I kept a space open for my friend & neighbour for months. She messed me about over hours & days but I still accomodated her.I have changed days as short notice etc. Have now had her since Nov. I took the same hol as them over xmas & new year so they didn't have to pay. I agreed to give 6 months notice of holidays. WELL, now she has told me they have booked a week off end of march. I said I would make a note in the diary. She asked via text if I was taking any hol. To which I replied. We have no holiday booked but if we do I will let them know. She has now been sending me very rude emails regarding having to pay for one of the days she is on hol. My policy is clear it states that parent holiday is payable in full, my holiday I dont charge. So what she is trying to do is bully me into not charging her for the tuesday. I can't take the wed & thur off as I have another child, & I may be needed on the tues by an ad hoc parent. I told her that regardless of this I would still not be taking it as holiday as my service is available. She is now emailing saying that I have not communicated all this with her etc etc but it is clearly stated & I feel very upset as I have always told her if there is anything she doesn't understand to just ask. She basically cant see why I wont take the tues as unpaid IF I dont have any other children.
    I believe I have made it VERY clear what the policy is & she is just bullying to agree to taking the day off

    Help!!! I feel like just giving her notice

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    Didn't want to read and not comment. I have no magic answer but seems to me that your "friend" is being very selfish and not giving a thought to how you have accommodated her in the past. I would not give in, and say that you will not answer any more emails from her if she cant be civil towards you. Sounds like you have bent over backwards, and now, just for the sake of a few quid, and prob to get her own way, she is being like this. Dont fret over it

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by chriss View Post
    Didn't want to read and not comment. I have no magic answer but seems to me that your "friend" is being very selfish and not giving a thought to how you have accommodated her in the past. I would not give in, and say that you will not answer any more emails from her if she cant be civil towards you. Sounds like you have bent over backwards, and now, just for the sake of a few quid, and prob to get her own way, she is being like this. Dont fret over it
    Have asked her for a meeting as can't do this over emails. She obviously feels braver via email & doesn't want to face me. I just can't understand it! I have said to her that I will try to take the same hol as her but it is not always possible. I guess she thinks that if I dont have any other children then it is possible & I should do it but that is unfair as I cant do it all the time for very parent otherwise my business would go under. I do really think I will have to give notice due to the break-down of the relationship..if she respected me she would not even ask IMO! She has only just said how happy she is with her LG's progress, she loved the LJ & she cried when I got her lg to make them a christmas card, she loved it! Her daughter & my son get on so well & are friends & for her to hassle me over this is like her stabbing me in the chest it really is. I know I need to remain professional & I will but what I really want to say to her is from the heart & not professional. This job is so hard!! Wish I had never agreed to having her, people warned me about working with friends...they were right!!

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    I would quote word for word the part of your contract where it says that if you are available to childmind then you charge full fee (ie child on holiday or unwell). She may not like it but it is a contract that she signed her agreement too.
    On your part continue to be polite but firm this is your work, not just a favour.

    Really hard though when this is a friend rather than just someone who previously unknown because it makes it feel so much more personal. I hope it all gets sorted out for you.

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  7. #5
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    Ask her if her workplace closed unexpectedly their fault roof fell in or something would she be happy to take day off unpaid

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    Hold fast and don't let her walk over you, sit down with her and go over her signed contract-be polite, keep cool and SMILE!!x

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    stick to what is says on your contract - I am sure if the boot were on the other foot she would stick to her guns and whether or not you have other mindees on the Tues is not her business! totally irrelevant
    xxhugsxx
    Happy to be back with the Greenies

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    Photocopy your contartct highlight where is says full pay for her holidays. If she still pulls her face then pull out if she feels that she no longer what to send her child you will unfortunetly have no alternative but to accept HER notice.
    She is trying it on call her bluff and if she is a friend she will apologise if not fill the plave with someone who respects you
    When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to go slam a revolving door

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  15. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by FussyElmo View Post
    Photocopy your contartct highlight where is says full pay for her holidays. If she still pulls her face then pull out if she feels that she no longer what to send her child you will unfortunetly have no alternative but to accept HER notice.
    She is trying it on call her bluff and if she is a friend she will apologise if not fill the plave with someone who respects you
    I agree with fussy. It's hard working for friends, I got stung with this a while ago and basically she took the micky because I was her friend then decided to pay me as and when she remembered. Lets just say I wasn't paid for 3 months (full time space), I wasn't very happy at all. I'm still waiting for payment and we now only communicate by written letter bit ruined our 15 year friendship so never again will I mind for a friend. It's not worth the hassle.

    I hope you can sort this out but as fussy said find someone who respects you xx

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  17. #10
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    Agree with what everyone has said... If I value the friendship then I would hand my notice in before you really fall out.
    Not a nice situation to be in....stay strong

  18. #11
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    poor you, as everyone has said stick to your guns, is she getting paid for taking the holiday, it always amazes me why parents question having to pay for the childs place when they are on holiday when they are getting paid for taking that holiday, and like you I try to help parents out by taking some of my holidays at the same time as them so they dont have to pay me, but this is not always possible, so my business is open and parents need to pay the fees for this. I take my holidays in the school holidays to help parents out so end up having to pay more for our holiday , so I am at present rethinking this as there is only myself and hubby and we could go a lot cheaper outside school holidays. Hope you get it sorted and are able to keep the friendship going, but if not remember you have done nothing wrong, sending hugs

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  20. #12
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    You have to take the line of..... sorry but its not my problem, i am working and if you want to ruin the whole working and personal relationship over ones day pay then that is entirely up to you and i cannot stop you.

    Then you get on with your life. Because a true friend would not do this to you in the first place and you do not want friends who come at such a high price.

    It really is this simple
    we dont stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing

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  22. #13
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    I hear you all & thanks!

    My concern now is that as there is such a strong emphasis on working with parents it will not look good on me, even though I have done nothing wrong! She is making it look like I am not communicating well with her but I am & my policies are very clear. aaaargh. I am meeting up with her tonight to discuss it but so concious of not upseting her in case she complains but I know I have to stick by my rules

  23. #14
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    If she can afford a holiday then she can afford to pay you - taking your holidays at the same time as hers only works with enough notice and not when you have other mindees! Hope your meeting goes ok.

  24. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucyD View Post
    I hear you all & thanks!

    My concern now is that as there is such a strong emphasis on working with parents it will not look good on me, even though I have done nothing wrong! She is making it look like I am not communicating well with her but I am & my policies are very clear. aaaargh. I am meeting up with her tonight to discuss it but so concious of not upseting her in case she complains but I know I have to stick by my rules
    She cannot complain that you are sticking to your contract, and Ofsted are not concerned about disputes concerning contracts anyway. You cannot run a business if all the time you are worrying about not upsetting anyone.

    The fault is down to her anyway if she signed the contracts without reading and understanding it.

    Ofsted want us to work in partnership with parents not bend over backwards to be a doormat for them. Believe you me there is a difference
    we dont stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing

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  26. #16
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    Agree with the others - you need to be firm and treat her just as you would any other client.

    I look after a friend's child a couple of times a week. I went through the contract and explained everything just as I would any other new customer. It was a little awkward and I felt a bit stupid at the time, but it was worth it as we are both clear on what my job is and what she pays me for. Thankfully she is very considerate anyway, so I've been lucky I guess.

    Don't let her take you for a ride. Stick to your contract and point out politely that she is mistaken. I like the idea of photocoying the contract and highlighting the relevant part.

    Hope you get it sorted x

  27. #17
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    You would think that, as a friend, she would understand that.if.you are carrying spaces on certain days you need her.to pay her holiday as per the contract more than ever.

    Be strong, don't take no for an answer because you are doing.the job to put food on your table, not to subsidise her holiday x
    Apologies for the random full stops. Phone buttons too small, thumbs too big.

  28. #18
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    Sorry to hear this Lucy

    I've just been through the same sort of thing with a parent because she decided she did not need me after all the week after Christmas but expected not to pay because they had over spent

    Shes disappeared without trace because I would not back down

    What are you so worried about ,you have done nothing wrong .

    At your meeting with her I would say very little and try not to over explain yourself

    Show her the contract and leave her to have a rant if that's what she is going to do .......if she leaves like my parent did then so be it

    There are far nicer parents out there so just remember that .

    Good luck hope it goes ok

    Angel xx

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  30. #19
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    All good advice but just want to add that "Working with parents" means working with them to help the child be happy and develop to the best of their abilities, not letting a parent dictate terms of your business.

    I have a friend who has a baby in Sept and has recently moved to our side of town. I know she wants a Childminding Setting for her LO and dreading her asking. Think I may get ready a list of other childminders I trust to give her incase she asks.

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  32. #20
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    I just wanted to add that for the first 4 years of childminding I only childminded for friends (I ran a large toddler group so had lots of friends with young children!) Only once did I have a query from a parent over a sickness payment - I just quoted the contract back, she paid & never said any more about it. I had a great working relationship with these friends & loved childminding their children. As a result, I still hear how these children are getting on despite now having moved out of the area.

    I would always try to separate out Business from friendship though (even with the same person it is possible to have business relationship & personal relationship), anything under the contract is business and gets dealt with with personal issues removed.

    So, I just wanted to say that working for friends can be great (Just

 

 
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