Behaviour Change

[cbj1609]

Hello

Just looking for some advice about what to say to parents of my childmindee. He is 3 next month and ive cared for him since he was 1, so a while. He used to be really, really bad when he first came. He used to run and headbutt doors to the pint I had to video him as evidence I wasnt beating him, he had that any bruises. I have sorted him out and been really pleased with his change.

Basically his behaviour has changed and i think its because of what happens at home. I know he is eating junk food at home, he tells us hes had chinese food, I know he has dominoes pizza beause I discussed this with his mum. He arrives at mine with at 8am eating sweets, often lollies and icecream. (I do remove it from him) I also know he is sleeping in mums bed and though he has his own never in it. I have babysat for them and noticed that he was allowed to just get up and sit on sofa and watch tv as often and when he likes - he came down at 11pm and when I told his parents they were like oh yes he does this all the time. I have also noticed recently he is unable to feed himself, he was capable but for some reason now he is not.

What I need to know is what do I say to the parents, its almost like I have to train them. He is shouting at me, shouting at childmindees. Kicking out, screaming. He is getting really angry and will not talk. He is arriving with a very sad face. Today was good this morning, he did a beautiul picture then literally out of the blue, started crying, shaking, gettting angry, threw himself off the chair and rigid on the floor kicking out.

I dont want to seem rude to them but I think he is really, really tired and not being fed properly. I give him good nutritious food but really struggling at the moment to get him to eat it, but i know if i put a biscuit down in front of him...no problem.

What do I say. I am going to email the mother as this is the easiest way to communicate with them. I am worried about him. I dont know if its something medical or just I am fighting him and then he goes home and gets whatever he likes


Any ideas would be truly appreciated. He was doing really well and I was so impressed with him. Doing his 2 year check, he ticked a lot of boxes but now something has changed. I am hoping if I ask the mum then if something has changed at home she will tell me. I asked her to do this before. Dad is fine but pointless talking too as he is very shy and wont deal with it.


Thank You for listening to me babble on.
Catherine

[The Juggler]

if his behaviour used to be extreme when he was younger then I think you are right - an extreme lack of sleep and bad diet are only going to make this behaviour resurface.

I would come up with a plan - yes it's training the parents but getting them on board.

I would meet and say he seems very unsettled at the moment and it has become more noticeable - they might then open up as to why they are letting him stay up, maybe they don't know how deal with bedtime tantrums and will ask your advice. Ask them how his behaviour is with them - just say you want to be sure it's not just with you

Then say you've noticed a few breakfast items that he's had of late that you know can also trigger behaviour issues.

They may deny everything and say he's fine with them (which is unlikely) but tell them that you need to make a plan together to deal with the behaviour at yours as it is affecting the other mindees.

Hopefully they will work with you, they will more than likely ask for your suggestions. Ask them what they do at home as a consequence, ask them to try earlier bedtimes and stick to it just to see if that makes a difference .

If they confess there are real issues about sleep and food maybe suggest they speak to family support worker attached to the local children's centre or offer some advice yourself.


good luck x

[cbj1609]

Thanks for the response - I have started with this - does it sound ok.

Hello

I just wanted to send an email about Ds behaviour recently.

I have noticed that he is arriving unsettled and it has become more noticeable over the last few weeks. He seems to be really tired and I think this is affecting the rest of his day. He is not eating and refusing to feed himself using a spoon or fork. I was wondering how his behaviour is with you; just to make sure that it’s not just with me. If it is then we can discuss what you do with him and I can adapt and do the same so we are both on the same page. He has been refusing food though if I offer him a biscuit, yoghurt or something sweet he is happy to eat it. I have as such removed these from the table for now.

I have put him to sleep in the travel cot today as he was having a tantrum about eating his lunch and after calming him down – he threw himself on the floor – I put him to sleep. He has been refusing to sleep in the cot and as such has been falling asleep anywhere, even standing up. I’m not sure what his sleep routine is with you at home on a daily basis or at weekends, let me know.

Hopefully this is just a phase as he was doing really well and we seemed to have got all the tantrums under control. When he is good, he is wonderful and really enjoys playing with the others and doing his activities. He is very creative and I’ve been trying to focus on this to make him more confident as he seems to be lacking in this at the moment.

Let me know if anything is different at home that I can help with or if you have any suggestions for me or that I can offer to you. If we make a plan together to deal with his behaviour this will not only benefit him but the other childmindees as well as they love it when he interacts with them.

[sarah707]

A lot of the problem is that we cannot tell parents how to parent - even if we know something is going wrong with the child's sleep routine, diet etc we can only suggest and advise what we do to support them and it's up to parents what they do at home.

I would invite mum in for a chat - what has changed at home? What's little one doing / saying? How are you helping him with the temper tantrums?... those sorts of questions, rather than writing it down. It always looks so negative on paper however carefully you word it.

Hugs xx

[Loushah]

I agree with Sarah, it can be really hard having these sorts of conversations with parents, however, talking face to face or even on the phone if that is easier and out of ear shot of child is definitely better than an email...as even though you may have the very best intentions, they could read it wrong and maybe get more upset then if you just spoke to them. Worse still they could just ignore it and pretend they never got it.

[The Juggler]

hon, I agree with Sarah, parents will always feel more ruffled to read this kind of information about their child when it's in writing. I did this once (because mum wasn't listening at all and felt I needed to record what I was doing and that I'd met with her to try to chat) but I see looking back that the written word probably did more damage to mine and mum's ability to work together.

It was a long time ago and I would always now have the chats. You can record what was agreed in those chats in the files.

[jadavi]

Curious to know what was the end of the story with that mum, juggler, if you don't mind sharing?