Would you run for the hills?!

**smurfette** · 04-01-2013, 12:06 AM

I have provisionally booked a little one in to start in march, mum happy to pay a retainer from now, so just been emailing to touch base as she wasn't sure whether she needed full time or part time . Have always understood this is a particularly precious little one who they waited a long time for, but bit worried about info she sent me today. Just to say I am lucky enough to be full enough at the mo, and busy with enquiries so don't need to go with this if it doesn't feel right

Pasted below

A coffee would be great. I've so many things going through my mind about how to help her so your advice would be great. I know you said that the babies sleep around lunch-time for you? xx doesn't have set naps. I follow her lead and she generally naps in the morning from 9.30/10am for anything from twenty minutes to an hour and after that she might nap on her playmat for 20 minutes around 3/4pm and will generally nap from 5.30ish for half an hour too. All her naps are just on her mat or in my arms after her bottle if she feels tired. I'm anxious that these times won't suit because of school runs, but maybe by then her patterns will have changed naturally anyway? I'm also really worried that she doesn't cry when she wakes up. Thats ok when I'm here with her as her mat is on the sitting room floor and I'm in and out constantly while she sleeps, but on occasion, she will just lie there until somebody comes to pick her up and I'm worried that she won't let you know that she's awake and will be lying there awake wondering why I haven't come to pick her up.

If you forward me your bank account details, I will set up the retainer asap.

Aarrgghh thoughts?! (Lo 9 months)

**smurfette** · 04-01-2013, 12:11 AM

Jus to add have just had a bad experience where I had to let a screamer go, and also am currently settling in a breastfeeds baby who only sleeps in arms or on breast tho o course she will be better by march

Not afraid of the hard work of settling her to sleep per se (tho surely she needs more sleep than this!) the whole lying awake thing has freaked me a bit.. Mum might just need some reassurance but the ones I usually get on better with at least pretend to be more relaxed about trusting me lol!!

**mama2three** · 04-01-2013, 07:13 AM

mum obviously trusted you enough to voice her concerns and ask for your advice , Id take this as a positive for now!
Im sure you can reassure her - maybe one of the naps will be in a buggy whilst on a school run if this is when she is tired - and her patterns are bound to change - she will be more stimulated at certain times , with the hustle and bustle at tea time for example she is less likely to nap ( at home this is probably when mum is thru making dinner and lo is getting less attention!)
As for waking quietly , just knowing youre checking regularly will settle mums mind!

**lilac_dragon** · 04-01-2013, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by mama2three

mum obviously trusted you enough to voice her concerns and ask for your advice , Id take this as a positive for now!
Im sure you can reassure her - maybe one of the naps will be in a buggy whilst on a school run if this is when she is tired - and her patterns are bound to change - she will be more stimulated at certain times , with the hustle and bustle at tea time for example she is less likely to nap ( at home this is probably when mum is thru making dinner and lo is getting less attention!)
As for waking quietly , just knowing youre checking regularly will settle mums mind!

I agree with this, and by March her routine may have changed anyway, but is it worth suggesting to Mum that she helps baby and you by going out with her3/4pm in the car or buggy - whichever you would do for the school run, to start the chnage?
Re the quiet thing - I use a baby monitor which has a tv screen as well as sound, so I can see at a glance if los have woken.

**Kiddleywinks** · 04-01-2013, 07:30 AM

I agree with both the above

First time nervous mum, but with a bit of help and direction from you, is willing to be guided.
As she's already paying a retainer, could you not offer 'settling in sessions' to build up the time LO is left.
Start by Mum going into the kitchen, then popping to local shop, etc that way she can build her own confidence too.

I'd not be running for the hills just yet lol

**~Grasshopper~** · 04-01-2013, 07:41 AM

i would stick with it for now (but make sure you have a settling in period).

I would just reply, very bright and confidently that babies are very are very flexable and that whilst asleep you keep a check on them and she wont be awake for long. wont be long before she is making noises and babbling away anyway.

sounds like a very anxious first time mum.

xx

**FussyElmo** · 04-01-2013, 07:46 AM

I would take it as a positive that she was able to confide in you about her concerns

**RainbowMum** · 04-01-2013, 08:52 AM

I had a little boy who would not make a sound when he woke, just sit up and play with his socks

After a few times of going in and finding him awake I bought a video monitor for about £40 from amazon, it was worth every penny

This mum sounds fine to me - very respectful of your opinion

I would reassure her that babies are very resilient and usually adapt to different routines quite happily.

**Maza** · 04-01-2013, 09:08 AM

Sounds like a chilled out baby! I had one who wouldn't cry on waking either. As he got old enough to understand I used to tell him that he could call out to me as he woke and I would come and get him, but he preferred to just wait for me, chilling out! I used to check on him every 15 minutes anyway and so he wasn't ever waiting very long. Sometimes if I walked past his room I could sense that he was awake or hear him moving about and so I would go in sooner. He was very happy and I had him until he went to nursery at almost 4 yrs. I'm sure that if she was really distressed she would cry soon enough though, so I would tell mum not to worry on that one. x

**The Juggler** · 04-01-2013, 10:01 AM

i wouldn't be too worried - as said above, anxious mum but she IS asking your advice and what you think.

I would be saying that all activities happen in the morning and she can sleep as needed in buggy etc. Then you will pop her down for a nap after lunch to see if she needs one as all others are sleeping then anyway.

I had a child who had all her sleep in morning but explained similar to above to mum and she easily adapted - she was so tired by lunch.

I would say for safety reasons she can't sleep on floor especially later in day due to being trampled but you will use baby monitor so will hear movement and gurgles if she wakes and go and get her.

**Maza** · 04-01-2013, 10:11 AM

Also, with my little chilled out mindee, once he was asleep I would put a safe toy in his travel cot so that he had something to occupy him whilst he waited for me! x

**TAZ** · 04-01-2013, 11:04 AM

I've found that most babies that start with me have not had any particular routine - sleep when they choose to or just in the car / pushchair when out & not for very long. Due to school / playgroup runs & lots of children we need to have a routine so that I can plan the day & ensure they get the sleep they need. Although it takes a bit of work to start with they have all managed to adapt to the routine & for the 2, 2 yr olds that I currently have their parents comment that they settle much better here than at home.

So, no, I wouldn't worry about this child. Just re-assure Mum that you will be checking on her child.

**VeggieSausage** · 04-01-2013, 01:02 PM

I have children that I have put them in a good routine here regardless of home and it seems to work, especially with a laid back one it may be ok, go for it and see I say....

**Porridge** · 05-01-2013, 12:24 AM

Sounds wonderful. Happy child & considerate thoughtful parent! I'm sure you will make a great team! Xx

**Ripeberry** · 05-01-2013, 01:02 AM

Can't see anything to run away from. At least she's communicating with you. You would still have a settling in period and as others have said, the child's routine might have changed by March

**smurfette** · 07-01-2013, 10:55 PM

Guys thank you all so much for your advice and reasurrance! I emailed mum back a response and she came today for coffee and a chat, and asked lots of questions but the first thing she said was 'tell me about your routine cos I want to start getting her into it'!! I was so relieved! She really is just a nervous mum understandably so after all I am a total stranger, but is so so nice and baby is a poppet. So fingers crossed! Thanks again xx

**The Juggler** · 07-01-2013, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

Guys thank you all so much for your advice and reasurrance! I emailed mum back a response and she came today for coffee and a chat, and asked lots of questions but the first thing she said was 'tell me about your routine cos I want to start getting her into it'!! I was so relieved! She really is just a nervous mum understandably so after all I am a total stranger, but is so so nice and baby is a poppet. So fingers crossed! Thanks again xx

that's great news

**lizduncan72** · 08-01-2013, 11:58 AM

Glad it's working out well for you

**JCrakers** · 08-01-2013, 12:30 PM

I would be the worse parent to work with...lol

I've never left my two children with anyone (they went away for 2 days with my dad once and I was so on edge)
I would have a huge list of questions and things to worry about that any childminder would run for the hills and keep going.
I would still worry now if they had to go to someone and they are 10 and 13...lol

I always say if you want something doing properly, do it yourself

and I've always looked after my own children....lol

It sounds like she's a little nervous and that's normal for a first time mum.