How much do I tell mum?

[mamabear]

Well, my little mindee has been better this morning, but only because I strapped her in the pushchair.
She became very upset as soon as she came through the door, took at least 20 minutes to stop screaming while I held her. I couldnt put her down, my son wanted hugs too and she hated that, eventually I put her in the pushchair and she calmed down immediately. We played with the musical instruments, toys etc, watched mr tumble, and she was ok-ish when my boy gave her some toys. I'm hoping that she will come round in time.
My question is, how much do I tell mum about just how very upset she is, and all the time? She knows that she's scared of my son, but I know she hates having to leave her for work, and I don't want to make her feel even worse. I would want to know if my child was upset, but I'm not sure if I'd want to know if they were as upset as she is (and so often).

[hectors house]

She obviously needed to feel enclosed whether it be it in your arms or the buggy - she calmed down immediately in buggy so maybe put her in there sooner rather than as a last resort, and then when calm take her out and try to involve her and your son playing together or at least near by. I would tell the mum you put her in buggy and she calmed down and that you will use that as her safe place until she settles better.

[vdubnut]

She obviously needed to feel enclosed whether it be it in your arms or the buggy - she calmed down immediately in buggy so maybe put her in there sooner rather than as a last resort, and then when calm take her out and try to involve her and your son playing together or at least near by. I would tell the mum you put her in buggy and she calmed down and that you will use that as her safe place until she settles better.

This I've had children in the past who felt more secure in a buggy - continue this practice and slowly get her more and more involved . I would definitely dumb it down to mum at first and only tell her if it dosnt make an improvement soon

[Boris]

I would be honest with mum but reassure her that you are doing your best and some children take longer to settle than others blah blah. If you don't tell her and then things don't improve how will you say actually she has cried all day every day since she started!!

[Tatjana]

You need to be honest, you said you would want to know, I would want to know, the mum will want to know!

Also, in the unlikely event that she never settles, what would happen then? You couldn't suddenly say she's not settling after not saying so.

[*daisychain*]

I've had a buggy lover, took her such a long time to settle . Even if the buggy was in sight it would comfort her, she chose to go in it less and less as time went on. Even now,although she is completely settled after over a year she still brings some toy as a comfort object.
As for telling mum , I too would be honest but firstly focus on the positives and the time she has not cried or been upset . Good luck

[QualityCare]

I would admit to mum that you use the buggy as a place where she feel secure and happy and can join in with activities, mum will probably only hear "l strap her in the buggy because she's happy" continually tell her she joins in play with you and your son, do you do a daily diary write in it x sat in pushchair and played happily with.....

[mum24]

yes, I think I agree with those who say to be as honest as you can. I would try to make light of it though at the moment, and see how it goes.
Please don't misunderstand me, but I personally would feel a bit uncomfortable about having a little one strapped in a buggy. Will she stay in without being restrained? Also, if she feels safe there, is it possible to find other places like a cosy corner with cushions, or behind a chair, something of that nature that can be her little space?
I know it is difficult when you have another little one there, and after all it is his house, and she is invading his space.
It sounds like you are doing a really good job, and hopefully she will gain confidence in you that you are there for her, and she can trust you.

[kel1983]

I had a little one who when first started wih us liked to sit in her pushchair after mum had left her. We would put the pushchair in the doorway of the loung so she could see what was going on. She would slowly work her way out and join in. She has been with us now a year and now doesnt even say bye to mum or dad and cries when its time to leave.

As for letting mum know I would tell her I think. But let her know about progress and maybe work out a plan together.

[mamabear]

Thankyou everyone for your advice.
I did tell mum yesterday that I'd put her in the pushchair as it was the only place she was happy. I could see her face drop, but she agreed that it was a good idea (for a while) if it helped her calm down. I wouldn't feel happy not strapping her in, my son would be fine but I dont think mindee would be able to get out safely by herself, she's still quite unsteady and I'd worry she'd fall. I've tried sitting her next to me on the sofa but she's still not happy, I think the pushchair is the only place she feels safe, maybe because it's always been used for naps with other carers.
I was more worried about telling mum that it was the only place she felt happy, she literally cries all day unless she is in the pushchair or car seat.
She has been much better today, much more confident and has only gone in the pushchair for her nap, fingers crossed for tomorrow!

[helena_j]

What about when you go out to groups is she more distracted then? I sometimes find being out of the house helps as there is more going on. At least if that was the case you have some positive news about her day too.