Mindee still very upset, how to help her?

**mamabear** · 06-12-2012, 01:42 PM

You might remember my post last week about my new 12 month mindee not getting on with my 16 month son. This week she has been worse, not better, and I don't want to sound nasty but it is beginning to get to me :-( She comes for 3 days a week, and today is the third day this week- she cries all the time unless she is in the pushchair for a nap, or I am holding her and my son is out of the room. I know she just needs time to settle in etc, but how long is a reasonable time to feel comfortable? I cannot physically hold her all day, I don't have kitchen staff to help, and I need to wee sometimes too! It's upsetting to hear her crying all the time, and my chilled out little boy is beginning to get annoyed with her too.
How can I help her?

**helena_j** · 06-12-2012, 02:23 PM

It can take a while, fortunately my minded children and son get on well although I struggled with my 3 year old minded child settling with me lol he was happy and lively till my son went to nursery then gave me the cold shoulder. Took a good couple of months with him. I would say keep persevering as it can take a while and if she is an only child will probably be finding the sharing your attention more of an issue than actually not liking your sons company. I often find when they are more mobile it becomes easier too.

**mrs robbie williams** · 06-12-2012, 02:32 PM

i expect you already have done but i would suggest you speak with the parents and possibly put a time limit on it and if it gets to that time then terminate the contract, you need to think of your own sanity and also your own child - hugs xx

**helena_j** · 06-12-2012, 02:39 PM

Yes def talk to the parents I found that helped as I felt better being open about my concerns. They said they weren't to worried as it was not unusual for him to be like that even with them.

**sarah707** · 06-12-2012, 02:50 PM

You need to chat to parents about extending the settling in period - that way you can end care if it really isn't working for you.

Hugs xx

**QualityCare** · 06-12-2012, 04:02 PM

Is she happy to sit in the pushchair so that you can have her near you all the time and give her a book or toy to play with, l have found this works with little one that don't settle well, have you a low table that you can push it up against so she can sit beside you and your son also sit her on the floor with you to play with her but as soon as you need to move away put her back in the pushchair. The pushchair will offer her security it can take weeks for her to feel comfortable on the floor especially as she is part time, it is hard for you and her but if you can persevere she will hopefully settle. Does she have tues, weds thurs with you then 4 days at home, she has just got used to you and then the following week has to resettle to herself all over again she is not mature enough yet to remember the routine but she soon will.

**Carol M** · 06-12-2012, 04:17 PM

I have a lo 12mths old now. Been coming since August,4 full days a week since October 1st. Still gets extreemly anxious if I move about room and screams blue murder if I leave the room. I put lo in travel cot with toys if I leave room and seems a bit happier there, problem is sometimes when I pic up when crying lo does not want me to and gets very cross, temper showing already, kicks and screams at my feet and when I ask with my hands and voice if lo wants to come up, lo throws self on floor. Talk about " on my terms only".
lo does this at home too but my feeling is lo picked up all the time. If lo is glued to my hip all day she is a very happy bunny. Now another problem, other mindee 18mths is taking advantage and behaviour can be awful when other one is paddying. Trying to work with parents on this, other issues too, but am begining to feel this lo is controlling all of us and it's no fun.
I do hope your lo settles quickly and you can enjoy lo's and your job.
Carol x

**mamabear** · 06-12-2012, 09:25 PM

Thankyou all for your advice.
I have already spoken to mum, she is happy for me to persevere, she's sure she'll come to accept him in time. I'm sure she will too as my boy really is gentle and kind, despite having ants in his pants! She is with me tues, weds, and thurs, but only during school hours as mum works at my daughters school. I might try the suggestion of letting her play while in the pushchair with us, she seems happy in there, maybe feels safe?
Poor little poppet has had a lot going on recently (moved house, and taken out of nursery) so I really want to give her time to settle, but I start the week feeling positive and end up dreading Thursday's. Please don't think bad of me for saying that.

**helena_j** · 07-12-2012, 07:15 PM

Don't think badly of you it's normal to feel like that honestly. I was so worried my minded little boy wouldn't settle an felt it was going to be unfair on him but the fact we are honest and speak to the parents and they work with us helps.
On my graded inspection this week the inspector commented on how well the children all seemed to behave with each other and feel happy in their environment:-) keep with it a bit longer. x