Baby will not sleep.. Finding it hard to keep calm here!!

**smurfette** · 31-10-2012, 11:52 AM

New Lo aged 12 months is possibly the most stubborn little one I have ever seen! Just found out this am mum laid with her last night from 9pm to 11pm before she went to sleep,, yesterday I did a controlled crying thing with her as she pushed me away whenever I went near her .: she was obviously exhausted and it is just temPer as she stops and starts. Took over an hour yesteday eventually I say beside her and just kept saying no go to sleep everytime she wanted me to pick her up and it worked in about five minute .. Today it hasn't worked and I have left her to it before I lose my cool!! I can still hear her and am going into her intermittently but think that is making her worse! I appreciate she is new here and I am not mum and it's all a bit strange but what am i going to do? She has never slept in a cot and mum told me up Til today she sleeps at naptime with bottle in buggy but erm no she doesn't! How can I train her to sleep?? And is it too late for mum to get her into a sleep routine and if she wants to how can I advise her?

Have 8 here today including 4 schoolies and it's just not so easy to settle her!! Hheeelllpppp!!

**smurfette** · 31-10-2012, 11:56 AM

Oh I think she has gone off!! Would still like advice please!

**marie2012** · 31-10-2012, 12:11 PM

Sorry I don't have any advice, hopefully she will have a sleep for u now she has settled. Hopefully it will be easier once she's settled in x a bit more. X

toddlers896 · 31-10-2012, 12:27 PM

I really feel for you on this one. Its so tough! Ive got the same problem with one of mine. Ive had her since she was 8 months and she is now 17months
and i still havent found something that works. My problem is the same as your problem - they sleep in mums bed at home and then get put into the cot when sleeping which then makes our job 10 times worse.
If i put mine in a cot she stands up and screams until i lift her. She wont lie down no matter what, even if she is absolutely shattered. I put mine in a buggy in a bedroom with the curtains closed and just do what you do, keep checking on her and reassuring her that everything is okay and its night nights. Most days she will cry for about an hour, sometimes nods off for 5 mins and other times she will just not give in.
Ive had a chat with mum about it and told her my frustration and that her habits at home are not helping - she said she would try and leave her to cry in her cot but finds it very hard.
Ime sorry i cant give you any advice but i justed wanted to let you know that i completly understand how you feel on this one, its so so hard. Its even worse when you do finally get them to have a nap and another child cries or the dog barks aaaaahhhhh.
Ive come to the conclusion that I dont even bother putting them down now as its not worth the stress it puts them and me through.

x

**jo.jo76** · 31-10-2012, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

New Lo aged 12 months is possibly the most stubborn little one I have ever seen! Just found out this am mum laid with her last night from 9pm to 11pm before she went to sleep,, yesterday I did a controlled crying thing with her as she pushed me away whenever I went near her .: she was obviously exhausted and it is just temPer as she stops and starts. Took over an hour yesteday eventually I say beside her and just kept saying no go to sleep everytime she wanted me to pick her up and it worked in about five minute .. Today it hasn't worked and I have left her to it before I lose my cool!! I can still hear her and am going into her intermittently but think that is making her worse! I appreciate she is new here and I am not mum and it's all a bit strange but what am i going to do? She has never slept in a cot and mum told me up Til today she sleeps at naptime with bottle in buggy but erm no she doesn't! How can I train her to sleep?? And is it too late for mum to get her into a sleep routine and if she wants to how can I advise her?

Have 8 here today including 4 schoolies and it's just not so easy to settle her!! Hheeelllpppp!!

I had a little one like that, he would cry as soon as I laid him down, and would only settle if I sat next to him. His Mum said, "oh take him for a drive, he's used to me feeding him to sleep. Well couldn't take him out for a drive just so he would sleep, so I preserved. It's not easy or fair on the other children. I found being very firm with him worked, saying no when he started to cry, telling him it is time to sleep, and walk away, go back every 5 mins till he fell asleep. He eventually got used to it and would fall asleep on his own. His Mum still is surprised he does this for me and not her!

I do sympathise with you as I used to dread having him

Jo x

**mrstom** · 31-10-2012, 12:43 PM

You have my sympathy. I had two who started at the same time in September (both 12 mths old and both part-time so not really able to 'crack' their old sleeping habits).

Child A would only sleep in a cot at home and child B would only sleep lying flat rocked in a buggy.

Tried child A in a travel cot which worked initially but then she would scream blue murder whenever she went near it - she has the loudest scream I've ever heard in a child. She got to the stage where she would be retching as she was so worked up. It ended up disrupting the nap time of child B so I had two very, very tired little ones and I was close to losing my sanity. Many a day I'd be in floods of tears, especially when my own 3 year old was desperate for a nap and the screaming would keep him awake too.

After speaking to mum, we decided to change tack and child A now sleeps with a comforter from home lying flat in a buggy without any hassle whatsoever. She doesn't sleep as long as she does at home (as she still sleeps in her cot at home) but as I only have her 3 days per week TTO, it works for us. Child B comes 2 days per week TTO and mum sends her own buggy and more often than not I can now get both little ones to have their naps at the same time albeit in different buggies. They're both napping twice a day so it does impact on our day and what we can do but as they're my only minded children, I'm hoping it will get easier as they get older and drop the morning nap.

Have you tried giving her a small comforter (perhaps a teddy from home) and rocking her a bit in the buggy?

**smurfette** · 31-10-2012, 12:47 PM

Yep I hear you., she has just woken up after a grand total of 40 minutes!! Went in to her and shushed her ań I think.. I hope she has gone off again! I have another who started with me at 18 months who was breastfeeds to sleep .. What was I supposed to do with that?!!! Now i hve baby sis starting with the same
Problems!! She cried for 25 minutes the first day an less
Each day and Is now great but this one seems more stubborn., yesterday it was well over an hour.

Trac896 do u not put her down to sleep at all? Can see your point alright esp if things havent improved in that long .,, my Lo is obviously used to sleeping being lifted cos she up her arms up to me everytime I looked at her!

**JCrakers** · 31-10-2012, 12:54 PM

I feel for you...

I had a similar 8m old who screamed all day and would have about 10mins sleep.

I know people say that an 8m old cannot be stubborn but boy she was the most stubborn child ever. I had her for 8weeks then I felt like lying in a darkened corner. Gave notice, she went to nursery and she came back a year later.

Now she's nearly 3 and boy is she still as stubborn as ever. She's a lovely girl but asking her to tidy up...no way

I really hope you get through it as I know how hard it can be. I'm quite a patient person but found myself snapping at everyone and having to have cooling down periods as it was so intense

**nipper** · 31-10-2012, 01:12 PM

I think someone else posted a similar thread earlier on this morning...can't remember who though.

**The Juggler** · 31-10-2012, 02:02 PM

have had 2 LO's like this. One never settled alone at home. Was soooo nervous to fall asleep at here. I had to sit and rub her back until she went off but unless I literally flew out of the room without making a sound her eyes flew open. She slept for 20 mins tops - all day and she was soooo tired. she came to me at 12 m. That easter (at 15m) parents decided to blitz the sleeping at home and get her to self settle.

she came back went down waved me nite nite and slept for 1 1/2 hours per day after that. Other little one was BF still when she came her and slept on her mum after feeding and she screamed the place down. I could rock her to sleep and had to rock until she was soundo then she was ok. often woke after 20 mins but if I went and rocked her back off and made sure she was soundo again she'd sleep another 1hour.

both are now fab at going down. I would persevere with sitting in the room for security (she'll be scared if she's never settled in a cot). Tuck her in, sit on the floor or near the cot but face away saying some comforting shhhh, sleepy time and see what happens or look away but rub her back head?

toddlers896 · 31-10-2012, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

Yep I hear you., she has just woken up after a grand total of 40 minutes!! Went in to her and shushed her ań I think.. I hope she has gone off again! I have another who started with me at 18 months who was breastfeeds to sleep .. What was I supposed to do with that?!!! Now i hve baby sis starting with the same
Problems!! She cried for 25 minutes the first day an less
Each day and Is now great but this one seems more stubborn., yesterday it was well over an hour.

Trac896 do u not put her down to sleep at all? Can see your point alright esp if things havent improved in that long .,, my Lo is obviously used to sleeping being lifted cos she up her arms up to me everytime I looked at her!

Hi Murph,
Ive given up now! i will only put them down if they are absolutely shattered and falling asleep on the floor. I just find it so frustrating, we go to childrens centres in the morning and sometimes they are grumpy and tired there so we will leave and she still wont sleep.
She will fall asleep in the car and i will lift her into the buggy gently. She bolts upright and will scream if i try to lie her down so what hope have i got!!
so annoying

**jellyelly** · 31-10-2012, 07:13 PM

Hi

I have had trouble with both the children I have had as babies! The first won't sleep go to sleep on their own so I was letting him sleep wherever he wanted, which happened to be a pushchair more often than not!! I then had two siblings start that were amazing sleepers so I quickly saw an opportunity to get them all in a routine. They all have their comforters, then we read a story then all go up to sleep at the same time! I still have to sit with the child but he doesn't scream the house down

The second child is my latest member, won't sleep anywhere but a cot, so I'm tied to my house with three children under two!!!!!!!!!!
Hope you find a way that works for you all as I know how horrid it is xx

**Rubybubbles** · 31-10-2012, 07:42 PM

thing is we have got to understand parents wishes so please don't shoot mums down for feeding their child to sleep, or only putting them in a pushchair!

I have a lo now 14 months who scream and screams in cot but goes out like a dream in the pushchair so as parents wishes she sleeps in the pushchair, I have written permission and parent also put she does not leave the baby to cry so no way I could do this with her up in a cot!

She sleeps really well in the pushchair, I am getting a bit worried now the weather is changing as she sleeps just outside my fully enclosed

garden where I can see her and hear her from the play room/dining room.

**karen m** · 31-10-2012, 08:27 PM

I have 2 like this 1 only only comes 1 day a week just him and sister,but he will cry from 8 till 5 if i am lucky he may have 10 minutes on my knee but as soon as you try to put in travel cot/pram wild awake and crying, like this with his nan too . Lo x comes for days from 6.30 till 5 has been coming for for 5 weeksnever slept till today he slept for 20 minutes on school run, 10 min drive need to be bit early to park, when i lifted him out he woke never went back asleep

**smurfette** · 31-10-2012, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by Rubybubbles

thing is we have got to understand parents wishes so please don't shoot mums down for feeding their child to sleep, or only putting them in a pushchair!
.

Not having a bash at the parent rubybubbles, just it makes my job harder and its not fair on little one is it? Think if I was using a childminder I would have tried to see where she might not be able to do what I do and do a bit of prep work for it! Just finding it tough as I have two like this at the mo. also, mum obviously isn't happy with not being able to settle little one at night time

**Rubybubbles** · 31-10-2012, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

Not having a bash at the parent rubybubbles, just it makes my job harder and its not fair on little one is it? Think if I was using a childminder I would have tried to see where she might not be able to do what I do and do a bit of prep work for it! Just finding it tough as I have two like this at the mo. also, mum obviously isn't happy with not being able to settle little one at night time

didnt mean offense

but still stand by we need to still respect parents wishes! I understand completly as the baby ^^^^ wont sleep at night either, I have recommend HV, controlled crying, ect but until the parent will take the step we have to plug on. I look after 2 babies, 11 months and 14 months who set each other off crying (why you sad, wahhhhhhhhh I'm sad too style

, why you eating wahhhhhhhh I want to eat to, why you squashing the dog, I want to squash the dog too (heehee moments like these make it all worth while!)) I have found keeping them busy till after lunch def helps them both settle quickly (esp buggy baby!)

My own children were Gina Ford children

with a hint of baby whisperer so I actually like living on the edge with mindies

I am so much more relaxed now!!

**gizzybear** · 31-10-2012, 10:39 PM

I have had several like this most breast feed and one co slept till 18 months old ...... when here i did not even venture down the cot side i have always used a fisher price vibrating rocking chair. strapped them in and rocked and vibrated till sleeping then just lift chair into quieter room this seemed to work with the difficult ones especially the clingy ones who still like to be close. Still do it now in fact they sleep better here now than they do at home for mums lol.....

hope this helps other thing is i used to leave one in pushchair with radio on and rock them but stay out of sight....

i know seperate room cot and quiet are all best practice but with a child that will not settle this seemed the best option as it worked for all of our welfare

xx

**smurfette** · 01-11-2012, 01:00 PM

Took 20 minutes today to go off but has now only slept 40 minutes and is crying again, apparently nana decided last night to put her to sleep in cot and just kept lying her down and she eventually went off by ten o clock so I am guessing maybe she has realised it makes it hard for baby and me if she won't settle to sleep. Surely a 40 minute nap isn't enough?!!! Think I may have a screamer on my hands .. Is it common for them to be fine for the first day or two then be a screamer when they realise mum is not coming back? She cried inconsolably for a good while before I realised she was probably tired as well as missing mum and then I put her down.. Really don't know how to handle this., will need to speak to mum I guess but how to without seeming critical??! She is only a young mum

**mushpea** · 01-11-2012, 02:55 PM

if little one seems happy after her nap prehaps 40mins is enough, my son stopped his naps at 19 months yet my daughter was still 2.5yrs andhavin them so they are all different.
me and the 2yrold have just come back from a nice puddle splashing walk, he went in the pram at the end and is now zonko in the garden, he has a winter coat, hat, govles and a blanket on and if i bring him in he will cook plus he sleeps longer outside

I used to take them all out for a walk in the afternoons, stops the bordem for the older ones and younger ones get to nap prehaps you could take them for a walk?
or could you put her to sleep in the pram in the garden? I dont like the idea of the bottle either incase of choking but if you wrap her up she will be fine outside in the pram

**VeggieSausage** · 05-11-2012, 12:18 PM

I have had a child who just screamed like nothing I had ever experienced and really didn't sleep, it was awful. In the end I tried the buggy (better than the cot) and went with this in the end, took months and months to sort it out, parents were not concerned, he screamed at home too apparently so older sister told me, parents denied there was any issue with this. In the end I gave notice but after about a year of trying, sorry not much help....

In buggy, rocking.....
Someone suggested to me to put in the buggy and put them in front of the tv and that worked to an extent as he went quiet and did snooze...
Go for a walk....
Persevere with sleep training, I have had children who sleep with me and not at home so a child can have a different routine at yours to at home....just takes a while to sort....keep with it.