3 year old and potty training!! Desperate help needed.

**Fabby** · 17-10-2012, 01:31 PM

My mindee is 3 years and 2 months. We tried potty training about 4 weeks ago but only lasted a couple of days because I convinced mum he wasn't ready and to try again a month or two later. We started again Monday and I still don't think he is ready but mum has said she is sticking to it this time. He is with me full time so spends the majority of time with me anyway 730-430 Monday to Friday.
He isn't telling me when he needs to go resulting in him weeing in is pants and just, he's just done his first poo since Sunday in his pants! I am constantly asking him if he needs a wee and regularly putting him on the potty as in every 30 mins or so. Yesterday he quite happily stayed on the potty for over 1 hour but then started getting upset when he couldn't hold it in any longer and he did a wee in the potty. I praised so so much, went stupidly over the top and I thought tha would be our turning point...... No, he then went onto to do another two accidents before going home.
I've tried bribery with food and even his favourite.... A McDonald's!! This morning he was very happy at the thought of going get a McDonald's before his mummy picks him up if he was not to see in his pants and to use the potty but he has just wee and pooped in his pants so no McDonald's now. I've tried stickers, presents ad still no joy.
He says he isn't even going tell me when he needs to go!!!!!! What the hell am I meant to do with him.
I've read that it should take a week to train if ready. Do you think he still isn't ready even at is age or is there something else we could try? I don't think there is anything we can do because he won't even tell me when he needs a wee and he certainly doesnt tell me when he has wee in his pants I have to find that one out myself :-(
The last wee he just did, he reluctantly wanted to check his pants so this does indicate to me he does know that he is seeing but he just isn't othered about being wet and certainly not bothered about using the potty. Toilet he is scared of so that is a no no at the moment.
What can I do before I loose my mind and my house starts to stink of pee?????!!!!! Help please x

**JCrakers** · 17-10-2012, 01:38 PM

Bless him...he needs to be ready or its not going to work.

He doesn't seem in the right frame of mind does he. Potty training should take a week if done properly, stuck to and the child is willing and ready.
If one of these isn't in place, it will take a lot longer and can be a battle.

I start with putting on potty every 20-30 mins...not asking but just taking. Big smile on face...lets try for a wee!
If one is done then a sticker if not then try again in a while.

But if he's not wanting to then its going to be hard work isn't it.

I know a lot of people don't like pull-ups but I start with these for 2days so they get the idea of up and down pants without pee on my floor, esp. with babies around. Then after 2 days onto pants.

I would have a word with mum, ask her how it's going at home? I really would be tempted to leave it for another 3m or so.

**mrs_scottydog** · 17-10-2012, 02:18 PM

I finally potty trained my DS at the beginning of the summer he was 3 yrs and 7 months. A lot of his friends were done a year before but I knew he wasn't ready then as he had no interest in it and would sit on the potty or toilet for age without doing anything. This summer though he was really good and wanted to do it.
My advice would be encourage mum to wait a bit longer too. It can be difficult enough without trying to potty train a child who is not interested in doing it. He will do it when he's ready. Hx

**eddie** · 17-10-2012, 02:37 PM

He really isn't ready is he poor chap! I think parents feel its a bit of a race to get them potty changed especially when they are a bit older and their friends are done but there are no prizes for being the first trained. If Mom is approachable I would try to get her to put it off even if its just for a few weeks.

I agree that sometimes pull ups are a more hygienic way forward with a persistent problem in a short term way.

**Fabby** · 17-10-2012, 07:11 PM

Thanks everyone. Spoken to mum and she says she doesn't want to go back to nappies because of the confusion! Not that there is anything to confuse with in this case!! I've asked her to do a little research tonight via the net and see if she still feels the same in morning. He doesn't tick any of the boxes of showing signs of being ready. He actually did a further poo in his pants after I had posted earlier too. He really isn't ready yet. I think mum needs to spend a whole day with him to see the way he is and I thin then she will realise he isn't ready. She not spends the first hour of his day and the last 2 hours of his day so she hasn't really experienced much training with him yet.

**sarah707** · 17-10-2012, 07:25 PM

Mum or dad need to take a week off work and do it with him - I know you are trying your best and I applaud you for that - but it's not your responsibility

Hugs x

**rickysmiths** · 17-10-2012, 07:30 PM

Simple. I don't Potty Train its the parents job.

If she thinks he is ready then she takes a week off work and stays at home and cracks it. If he is ready it will take a few days and it should be done at home where he is comfortable and familiar. When the parents have cracked it I am then more than happy to support it.

This method works 99% of the time.

I also ask that they have trousers or shorts that are easy to pull up and down, so jog pants or leggins or soft top elasticated ones. No jeans or trousers with belts that the child can't undo or pull up and down themselves.

**blue bear** · 17-10-2012, 07:34 PM

If mum isn't willing to take your professional opinion that lo is not ready then she needs to do it herself. Sorry but I wouldn't have her telling me what to do if I thought lo was not ready. Fair enough is she has had a week off and he is 99% there but if you are willing to train him from scratch it should be on your terms.

**Fabby** · 17-10-2012, 08:00 PM

Totally agree with your responses ladies. She is off work Friday and Monday and already said he is still coming but I am going to suggest she takes the opportunity to use this long weekend to get her son potty trained if she thinks he is ready. When I told her about the wet patches on my carpet where he is sitting playing and wetting himself she kind of laughed!!! If that was my child I would be offering to come around with rubber gloves and cleaning stuff to clean it up and even pay for a professional carpet clean.

What shall I say in morning if or even WHEN she comes and tells me to carry on.... ??

I've even spoken to her health visitior this afternoon because she gave me permission to call them to get avice and straight away she said he isn't ready. Told mum this and she says she will speak to them Friday on her day off and see if she can get more advice. I then went onto to say that the hv doesn't have a magic wand to get him potty trained... Hs got to be ready for it to work!

**Paulab** · 17-10-2012, 09:05 PM

Mum needs to take a week at home & see how it goes, if no better then he is just not ready,

I don't potty train , I support, but more than 3 accidents in one day , then I ask for pull ups or nappies or for more time at home, I have not got the time to clean up messy/wet pants !

You have done above & beyond x

**blue bear** · 17-10-2012, 09:09 PM

Originally Posted by Fabby

What shall I say in morning if or even WHEN she comes and tells me to carry on.... ?? !

smile sweetly and say "in my opinion he is not ready and I am not willing to put him through the stress of something he is not emotional ready to cope with, but by all means please do have a go yourself over the long weekend and we will review the situation on Tuesday.".
It is common policy for potty training to be established at home where the chikd is most comfortable and can have one to one care from mum. This not only benefits the child but ensures hygiene safety for all the other chikdren in your care.
Personally I will potty train full timers but only on my terms when I think they are ready not when mum try's telling me what to do out of peer pressure or trying to save money on nappies it what ever.

**Childrenatheart** · 17-10-2012, 10:19 PM

I agree with everyone. He isn't ready and you need to really stand up to mUm - easier said than done I know. The only thing I would say is I disagree with putting them on the potty every 1/2 hour etc. If you do this & the child wees a bit that's great but it's only really a reflex so they don't learn what a full bladder feels like so don't know when they need to go if that makes sense.