I don't know what else to do...

**kayz90** · 08-10-2012, 12:59 PM

Hi

I have a child i look after he is 3 and half, he has been with me 7weeks now and is also attending the same preschool as my daughter so i have a good relationship with the teachers to.

This boy is painfully shy and scared of life!!! He does not mix with any other children in and outside or inside enviroment, he never wants to join in in any activites preschool or here. He get upset at everything even saying he needs a wee, he is stuck to my side which makes it very difficult for other children i have who want to play and have attention.

One thing i find very worring is he acts out like a cat meowing all the time i have even seen him rubbing his face all over Dads leg like a cat would do to say hello, he carries a stuffed cat around with him all the time not letting it go.

Today he came in and i had some halloween things up and he wouldnt come into the front room, but i dont want to take them down as the other children enjoy them.

Does anybody have any suggestions???? xxxxx

**kayz90** · 08-10-2012, 01:29 PM

can anybody else see this?

Pipsqueak · 08-10-2012, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by kayz90

Hi

I have a child i look after he is 3 and half, he has been with me 7weeks now and is also attending the same preschool as my daughter so i have a good relationship with the teachers to.

This boy is painfully shy and scared of life!!! He does not mix with any other children in and outside or inside enviroment, he never wants to join in in any activites preschool or here. He get upset at everything even saying he needs a wee, he is stuck to my side which makes it very difficult for other children i have who want to play and have attention.

One thing i find very worring is he acts out like a cat meowing all the time i have even seen him rubbing his face all over Dads leg like a cat would do to say hello, he carries a stuffed cat around with him all the time not letting it go.

Today he came in and i had some halloween things up and he wouldnt come into the front room, but i dont want to take them down as the other children enjoy them.

Does anybody have any suggestions???? xxxxx

Ok, sounds like you have (valid) concerns.
i think you need to speak with parents and see what he is like at home.
Is he around cats a lot?
What do they do to encourage him to be social.

I think you need to take this slowly - introduce him to social situations - such as meeting with your minder friends and their kids and build up to going to busier places such as soft play.
With regard to the the cat comfort thing - it does seem odd doesn't it that he nuzzles like a cat... again speak with the parents and then see where you go from there

**Mrs Scrubbit** · 08-10-2012, 01:46 PM

hi, arrange a time to speak to either one or both parents without little one being present. as for Halloween perhaps he hasn't experience this before, it can be quite a scary celebration,I don't do anything for it as I only care for under 4s hth x

**FussyElmo** · 08-10-2012, 01:49 PM

How long has he been with you and preschool did they start the same time? Did he go anywhere before starting with you etc.

The cat thing is a litle strange.

Painfully shy children need a lot of reassurance and it takes along time to build up confidence.

The halloween display personally i would probably take them down if it was distressing a child for whatever reason. I looked after a child who would have screaming fit if we went into asda during halloween he was petrified. Mum says he still 2 years later a little apprenhensive about going in

**Jods** · 08-10-2012, 02:17 PM

the cat thing might seem strange when you only see one or two children at a time, when you are in a setting with 24 children on your books you should see all the different 'animals' that turned up, we even had a very convincing veloceraptor for 2 years, however is it a major concern no - my worries would be with the too scared to ask for a wee etc.

You could use his cattyness and love of cats to help bring out his more adventurous side, and use his cat toy as a prop. Maybe the cat needs to go to the park and go down the slide, does his cat need a wee - and so on and so on, of course speak to the parents, as for Haloween its not everyones bag, same as fireworks, this year I am dressing up as Aunty Mabel from Come Outside as one LO loves her, and its fun to do something, but its not too scary x

hth a little x

**Maza** · 08-10-2012, 03:03 PM

He sounds exactly like my daughter, who is the same age. She will also often 'hide' behind a character when in public, it's like her security blanket. I don't mind because I can see why she is doing it but I'm sure some people find it 'odd'. When she had her home visit from her nursery teacher she spoke the whole time in a high pitched voice because she felt self conscious - she doesn't yet realise that this would draw even more attention to her

To be honest I was just thrilled that she was speaking. At this age, their imaginations and attention to detail can be great - hence him rubbing against his dad's leg to say hello. My friends two daughters are really into being dogs at the moment and act in a similar way. Try and think of the positives - so he has formed an attachment to you, great; he has good attention to detail and a good imagination.

I know it is draining looking after a child like this, but the poor little guy has to go to a nursery as well as your setting and if he doesn't find it easy then his life must be pretty stressful right now. Great advice about following his interests with the cat.

**jane5** · 08-10-2012, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by Jods

the cat thing might seem strange when you only see one or two children at a time, when you are in a setting with 24 children on your books you should see all the different 'animals' that turned up, we even had a very convincing veloceraptor for 2 years, however is it a major concern no - my worries would be with the too scared to ask for a wee etc.

You could use his cattyness and love of cats to help bring out his more adventurous side, and use his cat toy as a prop. Maybe the cat needs to go to the park and go down the slide, does his cat need a wee - and so on and so on, of course speak to the parents, as for Haloween its not everyones bag, same as fireworks, this year I am dressing up as Aunty Mabel from Come Outside as one LO loves her, and its fun to do something, but its not too scary x

hth a little x

Good advice here

My dd and all the lo's here pretend to be animals, they are dogs cats dinosaurs, all sorts of things.

With regards to the Halloween decorations, I would take them down if he is scared of them, we have a big Kota dinosaur that moves and roars, all the children except for one love it.
This particular child is frightened of it and I have tried to show him it isn't real but he hates it, I have had to put it upstairs whilst he is here which is a shame for the others but I can't have him scared whilst he is with me.