Am I being mean?

**emma04** · 19-09-2012, 10:33 AM

Would it be terrible of me as a mother, to send my own lo who is two, to a childminder whilst i look after other peoples??

Im not doing it for ratio reasons, it would be purely so that she can spend some time away from me and her house and with someone who she will listen too!!!

Im sure she is getting bored of me, this house, all the other kids sharing her toys and is displaying some wild behaviour! I know its her age, but i cant help thinking that her envorinment and circumstances are adding to her frustrations.

Some days i treat her like she's one of my mindees because i'm so busy trying to factor everything in and make sure my paperwork is on track! I even did an observation on her yesterday for a learning journey she obviously doesn't even have!!!! How bad is that, to forget my child is mine and is a mindee!!!

**caz3007** · 19-09-2012, 10:44 AM

Emma - My son is 9 and we dont have family locally and I wish I had done this even if it was one session a week cos he is still extremely clingy to me and wont go to anyone elses house.

So for that reason I would say yes do it

**JCrakers** · 19-09-2012, 11:17 AM

Sounds like a good idea

We all know how fab childminders are!!

She'll get a good deal out of it, being away from you for a time will be good for her.

Wish I could send my 10yr old dd to someone else as she makes my job twice as hard

She doesnt do as she's told half the time and thinks she's exempt from the rules.
Ive threatened her with the childminder down the road...LOL
Thought she'd say no but she was up for it..oops

**sarak31** · 19-09-2012, 12:50 PM

Course there's nothing wrong with that, if you think that it will be good for her then you are probably right - mum's gut feeling is rarely wrong (or so I tell my kids!)

I sent my (now 6) dd to a nursery for a morning a week - she loved it and it gave us both some time apart. She's also now a bit clingy so I hate to think what it would have been like if she'd not experienced nursery or that time away from me - I don't think she would have ever left my side!

**jane5** · 19-09-2012, 01:02 PM

I think it is a good idea.

Other parents dont take their children to work with them so we shouldnt feel that we have to just because we are childminders.

my dd has just started school and my job is so much easier now that she is not here all of the time, I miss her and look forward to picking her up

**missymood** · 19-09-2012, 01:05 PM

If you think this will benefit her and you, then go for it. It's only you that knows best for her, as you know her well.

**Velleity** · 19-09-2012, 01:22 PM

I sent my daughter to a nursery once a week too. It kept us both sane

BucksCM · 19-09-2012, 01:26 PM

No, I don't think you are being mean, or a "terrible mother"...in fact a great mother as you can see that your dd needs the time and space away from the situation.
Go for it!

**Tatjana** · 19-09-2012, 02:07 PM

I wouldn't do it, I couldn't bear to send my child into childcare whilst I'm looking after other peoples children. I don't think my child would want/like it either.

I do this job so I can be here for my kids!!

**Helcatt** · 19-09-2012, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by Tatjana

I wouldn't do it, I couldn't bear to send my child into childcare whilst I'm looking after other peoples children. I don't think my child would want/like it either.

I do this job so I can be here for my kids!!

I am "sort of" with you on this, and this is why I didn't send my daughter to a local CM, after debating it with dh - a lot!

But like the OP says as well, I sometimes think that it is very unfair on my children to "have" to share all the time and also, I do wonder if it would be good for them to have some time away from the family home and socialising with other children

My 3yo has just started nursery full time and it does do her a world of good esp seeing as we have quite a few little ones and she was one of the eldest AND she is very bright, so being with her peers is fantastic for her!

HX

**PerkyEars** · 19-09-2012, 02:58 PM

I sent my DD to preschool for 2 and a half days a week last year. I had a difficult bunch of mindees and she was getting the thin end of the wedge and was very stressed. It was the right move at the time.

Now she's homeschooled which we're committed to, and sometimes goes out to with other homeschooling friends for a few hours which gives her a change of scene. I've also cut down a lot on the minding and am planning to get the point where I don't have to have under 2s. If I was in the above situation again, it's the mindees that would have to give.

For a small child to be stuck with littlies all day can be hard on them. I'd definately say follow your instincts. I'm not one for institutionalising children for most of the week but it still does them good to get out of the house for a few hours whether its to a CM, granny, friend, nursery, whatever.

**Tazmin68** · 19-09-2012, 03:42 PM

Both of my two boys went to play group 4 mornings a week from 2 1/2 and the sept after they were three went to a nursery unit at a local primary school. It helped them with socialisation and educational and stopped them being so clingy. I would say that their behaviour improved when we were out as when with me all of the time started to push the boundaries.

**blue bear** · 19-09-2012, 04:17 PM

So you want to send your daughter to pre school while you are working, what is wrong with that. Just because you are childminder doesn't mean you are not a working parent. Go for it, seems to me you will both benefit.

**alwaysright** · 19-09-2012, 05:18 PM

i did exactly the same with my daughter when she was the same age and for the same reasons! except i sent her to a nursery to afternoons a week, one of my parents at the time worked there so she had a little bond with her and she loved it and it was very good for her.

**crazyhazy** · 19-09-2012, 09:43 PM

I never done this, part of the appeal of childminding was the fact I'd be home with my two, but I am lucky and have family nearby so they do go to my mums a fair bit so get a break that way. How old is she? I think it has helped a lot my little one starting preschool in jan, gives her time aways from me, a bit of space from the babies and when she coms home they all have lunch then the babies sleep so she gets a bit of time with me too.

**gegele** · 20-09-2012, 06:54 AM

I haven't got family in the country and hubby's is a few hours away so my children are ALWAYS with me which in my opinion can be toxic at time. i started minding when DS was 1 and he ever left my side, when he was 2 1/2 i had a medical appointement and had to leave him with my friend minder who he knows well and he went mad! wouldn't leave the door, waiting for me, kicked off when she took them to the park as she promised her mindees.

i was so distressed!!! s i decided to put him a session a week to nursery to get him use to be without me before nursery stared at 3.

it built up his confidence, indepence and speech

it was difficult as he didn't want to let me go but was ok once i was gone. we built it to 2 session a week and he settled more easily. he had no probleme when he started nursery.

it's hard but sometimes is for the best. he's ok at school but still never stays with anyone without his sister!!

All of that to say : i would go with nursery rather than childminder as then it's "going to school" and giving her acces to some ressource that a minder would not have and the age of children would be higher as well so more stimulation than babies.

good luck

**LittleLegsCM** · 20-09-2012, 06:58 AM

Ive been thinking about this but struggling to actually go ahead & do it!

My son is 2 next Thursday & is EXTREMELY clingy. Neither my husband or I have family around so apart from when I went on my first aid training for 2 days last year and DH stayed home, he has pretty much spent all day every day with me.

I've now started going back to Rosemary Conley classes on a Thursday evening and out of the 4 weeks Ive been back, last week was the first evening he settled for daddy without any issues (if Im completely honest I think that was only because he had fought his nap all day & was exhausted!)

I know he needs something as he is also getting to the point where I think he's getting pee'd off having to share mummy and the toys at home all the time and becoming a bit of a monster because of it but I am really struggling with the idea as I know how much of a state he can get himself into and it really makes my stomach turn in knots just thinking about it

ALOT of people tell me Ive 'made a rod for my own back' and all that crap but I normally find these are the people that have a family member looking after LO on a regular occasion or use them as their minder etc so they don't actually know what it's like when you have no one around to give a helping hand.

Sorry gone on a bit of a ranting tangent there! Hope you're able to make a decision either way and both you & your LO are happier for it xx

**new to all this** · 21-09-2012, 09:15 PM

Were going to do the same once our son hits 2.
My reasons are
[LIST=1][*]He'll make lots of friends, both here and at the other setting which may also prevent him getting sick of the kids here[*]It will prepare him for starting school[*]It will give him independance and stop him from being clingy to me and DP (we are both minding)

I was thinking of 2 afternoons or a morning and and afternoon a week so it's not too much but still a change for him

**silvermist** · 21-09-2012, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by blue bear

So you want to send your daughter to pre school while you are working, what is wrong with that. Just because you are childminder doesn't mean you are not a working parent. Go for it, seems to me you will both benefit.

Hear hear! x