At what age do children understand lies?

[PerkyEars]

I'm wondering at what age children understand what they are doing when they lie to adults?

My DD - an only child - has just turned 5 and will regularly lie through her teeth to me to suit herself. I've just been explaining why she shouldn't lie, and that it makes me very sad, and makes it hard to believe her when she's telling the truth, but her eyes glaze over and she puts on a confused face like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's like she doesn't know, or pretends to not know, what 'true' and 'lie' are. Sometimes she will say sorry for being 'bossy' after a lie, which makes me suspect she knows that she is doing it to get her own way.

I just don't know what to expect of that age in terms of honesty, or how hard to come down on this. I was a very honest child myself and hated lying so I can't relate!

[SJ35]

Sounds exactly like my 5 year old daughter. She definately knows what she's doing. It's usually her blaming her older sister for things that she's done herself, but we've had the obvious "no mommy, I haven't eaten the chocolate" when it's all round her mouth lol.
My eldest went through the same stage but neither of them are very good at it thankfully!!

Stacey

[Kiddleywinks]

A 5 year old generally knows the difference between the truth and an untruth, but, don't necessarily understand how damaging a lie can be iygwim.

My 5yr old niece doesn't lie as such - she just doesn't say anything lol, particularly if she's done something she knows she shouldn't have.

You know your daughter, so you'll know when she's not being truthful. Catch her out enough times and she'll get the message
My parents did the stick your tongue out thing, I told mine that if they told the truth they would get into trouble, but if they lied about it they'd be in lots bigger trouble, and always made a lie punishment 100 times worse for them.
DD took a while to cotton on, DS on the other hand learned from her mistakes thankfully

[AliceK]

A 5 year old generally knows the difference between the truth and an untruth, but, don't necessarily understand how damaging a lie can be iygwim.

My 5yr old niece doesn't lie as such - she just doesn't say anything lol, particularly if she's done something she knows she shouldn't have.

You know your daughter, so you'll know when she's not being truthful. Catch her out enough times and she'll get the message
My parents did the stick your tongue out thing, I told mine that if they told the truth they would get into trouble, but if they lied about it they'd be in lots bigger trouble, and always made a lie punishment 100 times worse for them.DD took a while to cotton on, DS on the other hand learned from her mistakes thankfully

I do this too. My children, especially my eldest knows that yes you may get into trouble if you tell the truth but if you lie and I find out you will be in double trouble, first for doing whatever it is you've done and secondly for lying about it. I have drummed into him it is always better to tell the truth and although I might be cross I will be proud of him for telling me the truth.
My DD is just 5, I think she understands what a lie is.

xxx

[Cazz]

I think this is quite normal around that age. My dd will be 5 in December and I'm having the same conversation with her not really sure if she understands (but I think she does ).

It's obviously just been petty little things at the moment but I'm trying to nip it in the bud and make her understand that lying isn't good before she gets older - An example was tonight when I was reading her a story she slipped a bouncy ball under her pillow thinking I wouldn't notice and I asked her for it. She said about 3 times she didn't have anything and then I gave her a look and she gave it to me. I told her that if she had given it to me straight away it would have been put back in her toy basket but because she lied I was taking it away. She looked upset and I think she understood!

She'll also say things like "Nanny didn't give me any tea" when she's been for a sleepover and today she told me that her brother hits her (he does wind her up but he doesn't hit her!). I know these are little things and obviously not true but it does concern me slightly what she might make up and say to other people who could possibly believe her.

[sarah707]

It depends on the child i think, some have a better developed sense of right and wrong than others.

I always come from the angle of harsher consequences for lies.

HOpefully it's a phase that will pass quickly xx

[PerkyEars]

Thanks. Sounds like this is pretty normal. Since she's my first I have trouble knowing what's normal in terms of behavioural expectations sometimes. Lies are a particular hot button of mine since I know how destructive they can be.

I will definately start to add extra punishments if she's done something wrong and lied about it.

I think I will also buy her the story about the boy who cried wolf.