First week nightmare continues

**tash 1** · 12-09-2012, 10:20 PM

Hi all, not had a good start at all,been so looking forward to my first day of minding for over two year! but have had a really bad start.new mindee was fine at settling in but mum never quite left but did stay over an hour twice.started well Monday till dinner but when woke up(only has 10mins sleep here and there(8months)down hill slope she hasn't stop crying all week and I mean all day 8 till 4. she doesnt have a dummy no comforter and to make it worse mum will not meet me half way and try to express her milk or try to give it in bottle at home so see won't stop crying all day none stop only when we go to tots group or other sessions.but seems to hate my house which is lovely well equipt with everything she needs I'm trying to be calm but don't know what will help so upset not looking forward to tomorrow

She won't be put down, held or go in pram won't play with anything only when out stops screaming for a bit never been away from mum.sorry about the moan.

**cathtee** · 12-09-2012, 10:38 PM

It is so wearing when a lo won't stop crying, keep trying to get mom to express it may help her settle, I had a lo that wouldn't stop crying wouldn't let me put him down so I sat on the floor with him on my lap and tryed to get him to play gradually i moved him to the floor and then i moved slowly away. It took a week but slowly we got there.

Hope she settles soon

**blue bear** · 13-09-2012, 06:29 AM

Oh the joys of a screamer, bless lo must wonder what has happened, gone from being breast fed and with mum all day to this stranger with strange milk in a plastic bottle no wonder she screams.
If she likes toddlers have you tried being out in your garden or have a fellow minder visit with mindees itight be the people watching that she likes. Does music or tv help at all. Trying singing so it's not so quiet.

I'd start by having her on my lap and then over time moving gradually away. In the mean time when you just have to leave her maybe try popping her in the buggy so she at least feels safe and secure.

**tash 1** · 13-09-2012, 06:57 AM

Hi thankyou for advice I have tried these ideas but she just won't stop crying.Is this normal? and has anyone else had a non stop screamer all day and I neem all day Im scared it the house.oh and loud noises like my dog just he doesn't bark that much and is in kitchen most of time maybe it is the dog but she does show signs of being scared and want to touch him I don't know how long I'll be able to do this for got other mindee starting next week 16 months scared it will upset her and I won't be able to care for her as this baby can't even make a drink.Oh please say it will be ok lol my mum teacher said one child didn't stop crying for over year at school so she didn't really help.

**migimoo** · 13-09-2012, 07:23 AM

I'll be really interested to hear how you get on-i've got your LO's twin starting Monday I think,lol! screams the entire time he's here,won't even look at/listen to me,arches his back to get away when I hold him,when offered milk turns his head or knocks bottle away,won't touch toys,mum holds him constantly when I see them together...sound familiar?

If anything I try works i'll let you know if you do the same for me?

On the plus side all of my other mindees settled no probs so don't think you'll have this with every one.

**kindredspirits** · 13-09-2012, 07:24 AM

so baby is breastfed at home - but during the day mum gives you a bottle and forumla?? how old is baby?
if mum is used to feeding during the day then she will have plenty of milk to express in the daytime for you. baby will get used to formula, but not if shes getting breastmilk at night which she prefers.

**tash 1** · 13-09-2012, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by kindredspirits

so baby is breastfed at home - but during the day mum gives you a bottle and forumla?? how old is baby?
if mum is used to feeding during the day then she will have plenty of milk to express in the daytime for you. baby will get used to formula, but not if shes getting breastmilk at night which she prefers.

Hi mum let's baby have her milk all day as her way of comfort she basically is not going to try formula and said she can't express???
She said a health visitor said there's not point trying now as she 8 months don't believe this

**Twinkles** · 13-09-2012, 09:06 AM

I don't have a solution ( sorry ).

An 8 month old baby that is comfort breast fed at home simply will struggle to settle at a minders house.

I am fully for breastfeeding but common sense tells me that this mother needs to compromise. It just isn't fair on the baby.
I always say that a breastfed baby needs to be established on a bottle as well if they are going to come to me.

Another problem I see is that she sleeps for only 10 minutes at a time. True , restful sleep only happens after about 20 mins so she'll be exhausted too.

**AliceK** · 13-09-2012, 09:33 AM

Oh I feel for you. I had a screamer, about the same age, he only stopped if I was holding him but if I wasn't he would scream and scream. He also wouldn't sleep unless I was holding him but as soon as I tried to move him he would wake up and scream again. It got to the stage that all my other children were walking around with their hands over their ears the whole time. Mum admitted that at home whenever he whimpered they picked him up. I had to give notice, it wasn't fair on my other children. Touch wood he's the only screamer I've had though.

xxx

**lilac_dragon** · 13-09-2012, 11:27 AM

Hi everyone, this is the first time I've tried this forum, - it feels very strange talking to people who are total strangers! Hopeully that will soon change-
I feel for you, I really do. I had an 8 month old come for a 3 hour tryout while Mum went into the office and oh boy! i tried everything I could think of and I'm not exactly inexperienced, but nothing worked. This lo is comfort breastfed and never handed around other peple, apart from Grandma, despite my advising the parent to start easing lo onto a bottle and letting others hold her at toddlers etc. After 2 hours of non-stop screaming my neighbour actually popped round to see if all was OK!

**JCrakers** · 13-09-2012, 11:35 AM

I had a screamer last year. 4 days a week and she screamed all day, wouldn't eat and hated children coming in the room and then going out again so it was a nightmare to say the least...

She was 8m and it was extremely hard. I lasted 8 weeks, working with parents who wanted her to stay here as her older sibling had also been for 3yrs.
We tried everything, even Dad coming at lunch time to sit while I tried to feed her.

She left me for a nursery for a year and then came back when she was about 20m, a different child. She's here today nearly 3yrs old and shes wonderful

Its going to be hard especially if breast fed. Mum needs to work with you and wean off breast or express. Its hard for a baby to have the comfort of the breast and to be expected to fit in without it.

You could try a blanket from home with Mums perfume or get Mum to sleep with it and then give, so it smells of Mum.
Quick drop offs from Mum might help

Its going to be hard but hopefully you can persevere. Some children settle straight away, others take a while and others just dont.

Sending hugs because I know how hard it is

**migimoo** · 20-09-2012, 07:23 PM

Well,had my screamer all week and he cried/whinged non stop,if i was holding him he'd struggle to get away-if I put him down scream to be lifted,wouldn't feed,etc.

Put him in buggy and rocked him to sleep crying this morning(him not me),he woke an hour later full of smiles and content...seriously freaked me out-it's like aliens replaced him while he was sleeping!!!

Now either the penny's dropped quicker than I dared hope that I am actually q nice or he had a lovely dream about me feeding him choccy buttons!

SO pleased and relieved,not got him til Monday now tho so fingers crossed I haven't jinxed it.

**~Grasshopper~** · 20-09-2012, 07:41 PM

Hi

i think if you are having her a few days a week it will be easier.

i have a 6mth old 4 hours a week. At first he was awful, screamed all the time and i couldnt do anything at all for him. then i realised he felt safe in the carseat and i could rock him to sleep. he still gets upset when mum leave but is much happier and is a pleasure to look after now.

Are you giving her formula then?? in a bottle?? will she take the bottle?? maybe its the formula taste she doesnt like. my ds2 wouldnt drink sma after breastfeeding him but he seemed to love aptimil.

i think you need to be firm with mum, she either helps you settle baby or you will be unable to care for her, you have other children to consider.

best of luck x

**tash 1** · 20-09-2012, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by migimoo

Well,had my screamer all week and he cried/whinged non stop,if i was holding him he'd struggle to get away-if I put him down scream to be lifted,wouldn't feed,etc.

Put him in buggy and rocked him to sleep crying this morning(him not me),he woke an hour later full of smiles and content...seriously freaked me out-it's like aliens replaced him while he was sleeping!!!

Now either the penny's dropped quicker than I dared hope that I am actually q nice or he had a lovely dream about me feeding him choccy buttons!

SO pleased and relieved,not got him til Monday now tho so fingers crossed I haven't jinxed it.

fingers crossed he is happier next week mine still in my arms won't go down to play on play mat tried mum on floor too not having it won't stop howling I leave her for nearly 5mins but shes going to get I'll with it.won't even play with me with her.gonna give it one more week.

**tulip0803** · 20-09-2012, 08:34 PM

If the baby is not happy with a bottle they may be happier with a beaker. Both my daughters never had a bottle with DD1 I returned to work when she was 5 months old and she drank milk from a beaker (it was expressed milk though). DD2 was older when I went to work but at 13 months she had cows milk in a beaker. It is worth a try the technique for sucking from a breast and a bottle are very different and some cannot get the idea at all, with a beaker the milk just falls into the mouth you just have to be careful they will choke a little at first as it flows fast and constant.

Your LOs comforter has always been the breast so you cannot comfort her that way. Perhaps mum could sleep with a blanket that the LO could bring with her to smell of Mum.

I had a screamer for 6 weeks - screamed at everything except when we were out in the pushchair - however much I love walking I could not walk two 2 year olds, a 14 month old and the 8 mth screamer for 8 hours

. I just tried and tried and on his last day he too was replaced by the aliens that migimoo had and I really did not want him and his brother to go

.

**jaswinder bedi** · 20-09-2012, 08:51 PM

Ask mum to come few min early stay with her child, slowly ask mum to leave, Try distracting, cuddle, sit next to you reading story, going out in the push chair, garden, ask mum how she deals with it?? That child must have big lungs wow i would be exusted with that noise.

I am sure you must have tried all these, i Am sharing this as i had same experience quiet few years back. Child will eventually settle it takes time for the new routine, it could be very hard if they are breast fed or never been with any one else except mum or dad. I hope all goes well

**Rainbowstar** · 20-09-2012, 08:53 PM

Got a new baby- shes 1. Cries when left and then crawls about crying. As much as all other kids having fun etc she doesn't want to join in. If I pick her up she cries to be put down. Refusing to eat & drink!! Will stand by front door crying. So sad & so hard! Help!!! What can I do?! She's quiet in the buggy for short times along as rocking. She'll sleep in there too. This is not doing anyone much good at the moment!!!

**hectors house** · 20-09-2012, 08:58 PM

Agree with others - would try formula milk in a beaker, I have had to do this in past with a baby that wouldn't take a bottle - can't understand mums who leave it up to last minute to try to change. I had my first child at 20 and had no experience of babies, but I had the sense to express milk and give to my baby in a bottle from day one - as I went back to work when she was only 8 weeks - poor childminder had to put up with bottled breast milk and terry nappies!

Have also had screamers who are quiet and happy when being held but won't be put down without a fuss - I generally try to sit on floor with them on my lap and slowly move so they are on floor but still with my arms around them, then move arms when they are playing - sometimes works.

**tash 1** · 20-09-2012, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by hectors house

Agree with others - would try formula milk in a beaker, I have had to do this in past with a baby that wouldn't take a bottle - can't understand mums who leave it up to last minute to try to change. I had my first child at 20 and had no experience of babies, but I had the sense to express milk and give to my baby in a bottle from day one - as I went back to work when she was only 8 weeks - poor childminder had to put up with bottled breast milk and terry nappies!

Have also had screamers who are quiet and happy when being held but won't be put down without a fuss - I generally try to sit on floor with them on my lap and slowly move so they are on floor but still with my arms around them, then move arms when they are playing - sometimes works.

thanks ladies have tried beaker but she spits it out and shakes and mums pillow with smell in it and the gently moving back fro
her on floor.need early night exhausted.x