a cryer/moaner

[sharonmanc]

I have an 11month old little boy i care for. Have had him 2 months. And he cry's moans at everything, no tears though. This is avery loud cry/moan.
He has finsihed his food, moans /crys to get out of high chair, he wants something the same will happen, we get back to the house, and he is in the buggy, he will do the same to get out straight away, even though we have just stopped. Does this through nappy changes too ( mum says he does this at hme) If he is shattered and wants to sleep, he will cry/moan for a good 20 minutes until he nods off. This is the worse. as he apparently self settles, but him crying/moaning for 20 minutes is rough. there are no tears though, i spoke to mum about it last night again and she says he has been like this since a baby, and they just pop him in the cot, dummy, bottle etc and let him cry until asleep.

I have never worked this way, but I did it today, he did sleep after 20 minutes, I have tried cuddling, he does not cuddle, as i suppose he is not used to it, again mum says he pushes her away and does not cuddle ( my last little one was not a cuddler) have tried pushchair as i prefer them to be closer so i can keep an eye on them, but he is worse if he can see me, and he gets so tired he is falling over and hurting himself.

I suppose I am just having a moan, as I have never come across a child like this, I know children cry/moan, I have 3 of my own, and countless nieces nephews and other children I have cared for.

I am very uncomfortable with just letting him cry it out, but nothing else i have tried works, and i feel that parents have found the same.

when he is awake, if he cry's moans, for something instantly, then i just talk him through what I am doing, "X i will pick you up in a minute, I am just getting X first" or " x I will get you out of the high chair in one minute, I am just taking your dish to the sink" do you think i am handling this corrrectly, as he is not left in the high chair etc, it is like once he has finsihed eating he throws what he has on the floor and starts the moaning and crying and going on until he is taken out. So i tell him what I am doing very clamly, ignor the behaviour and dont carry on explaining, then do what I have said, then come to him, and reasure him and get him.

It is beginning to get me down, as i have another under one, and i may end up giving notice, which i feel awful for, but in all honesty I have never known a baby like him for this kind of behaviour, especially as his need are being met.

He is sleeping now............

Have adited to add that he does not cry n hand over, pick up, when he is tired he comes to me, if he has fallen over he looks for me, so he knows that I care for him etc, he is a very clever little by too

[Bridey]

I've had babies that cry/moan for a period of time before they go to sleep. Its their way of switching off and nothing to worry about.

He sounds as though he's ready to start talking as he has a lot to say and no way to say it.

I know it is really hard but you seem to me to be handling it all perfectly - its just a matter of whether you can grit your teeth for a bit longer until he moves on from this stage.

[Helen79]

I wouldn't be happy leaving him to cry in bed either and wouldn't normally but if that's the only thing that works then I'd leave him and check on him as often as you can so he knows that you're there. As long as he's comfortable and you know he's tired enough to go to sleep. Just because he's moaning in the cot doesn't mean he's upset, he may just like the noise to settle to. If he was really upset then there would be real tears. Maybe try putting some gentle music or a story cd on with him.

With him crying in the highchair and buggy I would do the same as you are but also start to show him the sign for please and everytime he moans and you get him out say to him 'we don't moan, we say please' that kind of thing so hopefully he'll start copying you instead of the crying. Ask mum to do the same aswell.

[hectors house]

Cheer up - it's Friday!

You didn't say how many other children you are looking after while you have the "cryer/moaner", does anything distract him from crying without you actually dropping everything to do whatever it is he is demanding - "out from buggy or highchair".

If he is an only child at home, he may be not be used to having to wait but he may just have to learn as you have to juggle everyones needs, not just his. I think you should just carry on as you are, explaining what you are doing and if he is just moaning rather than crying with tears, he is just trying to get your attention and some children do cry themselves to sleep - but you can normally tell that it is a different kind of cry.

How many days a week do you have him? - I once had a little boy who started with me at a similar age, his mum sent him to me as he wouldn't settle at Nursery - he was going to Nursery, Monday all day, then half day Thursday. I suggested that she changed her days at work and we went for half day Thursday and all day Friday - that way he took most of half day Thursday to settle with me, but Friday it was all still familar and he settled far quicker - that "little" boy is 4 now and I will be losing him to school in September!

So if you are only having him once a week or with a big gap in between maybe worth seeing if Mum can be flexible on working arrangements but obviously if you are already having him full time, it isn't that then!

Have a good weekend

[ceb99]

I would agree your doing evrything right, just hang in there!

I have found this with little ones that start and have just been at home with mum before coming to me, they are used to getting things straight away, not having to wait their turn & even having EVERYTHING done for them!

They soon learn the routine and gradually get more independant

[sharonmanc]

awwww thanks everyone, i suppose i just needed a moan, he is a lovely little chap, I will keep doing what I do, and hopefully he will get used to the routines, he comes 3 days minimum, but has been unwell so had some time off, and then a bad bought of teething. So hopefully we will settle down soon

Its friday so I am going to swith off for tonight