He doesn't want to do anything!

**melco** · 22-06-2012, 10:12 AM

Hi,

I have a 4 yr old that I look after for 2 hours on a Thursday after nursery and a Friday afternoon for 3 hours after nursery. When we get back to my house he has his lunch and I have many activities available for him to do but he does not want to do anything.

I know I can not force him to do things and he is probably tired from Nursery but don't want his time with me just watching TV the whole time as this is all he wants to do. I try and bribe him and say we can do this and then you can watch a bit of TV, but he will then rush what he is doing to get back to the TV. His mum said she does not mind that he watches the TV but I do. I want to be able to put his Learning Journal up together and have not much to put in it. He is a very bright boy for his age and he is reading already so I know there is a lot he can do but I just feel I am spending my money on different things for him to do and he just says he does not want to. Any ideas?

Thanks

melco

**LauraS** · 22-06-2012, 10:24 AM

I know this probably sounds like a smart alec reply and I don't mean it to be, but can't you just turn the tv off completely during minding hours?

If you remove it as an option entirely, then he will have no choice but to do other things.

**ziggy** · 22-06-2012, 10:30 AM

sorry but i was thinking the same, i had a child who given the choice would watch peppa pig all day.

Maybe say TV isnt working and see what happens

**melco** · 22-06-2012, 10:35 AM

Thanks but thats the thing its not on and I don't give it as an option. When we get home we sit in the kitchen to have lunch and then I give him some options and things to do in the play area where again there is no TV. I try and do stuff with him but all he wants to do is watch a DVD and he is at that age where all he does is keeping asking to do that. So I mentioned it to his mum that he does not want to do anything and he just wants to watch TV to which she replied in front of him that she is happy for him to do that, so he knows that his mum is ok with it. I've tried telling him that I could get into trouble if he just watches TV but he does not seem to care!! Its also not just the fact that he wants to watch TV, he does not want to do anything else instead!! I hope this makes sense

**ziggy** · 22-06-2012, 10:49 AM

bit hard, maybe he is just tired after nursery. Would he sit n listen to stories? Guess it's hard for you if this is what mummy allows.

Could you suggest that if he does an activity for 30mins, drawing etc then he can have tv on as a treat after?

**Helen79** · 22-06-2012, 11:00 AM

I'd let him choose 1 dvd to watch, maybe 1 episode that's maybe half an hour so he has chance to relax after pre-school then turn the tv off and get some quiet toys out to play with. I wouldn't plan activities if he's not interested in doing them, just let him free play.

Mindee is only with you 2 afternoons a week so watching a bit of tv is not going to hurt. Even at 4 they still need to relax in the afternoon especially if they're tired after nursery. You wouldn't stop a younger toddler from napping or having a lie down just so you can fill in their LJ so think I'd go with what mum wants and let him watch a bit of tv if that's his way of recharging.

I know we have to do activities and LJ but I offer home from home care, if ds was at nursery for the morning I wouldn't plan activities for him to do in the afternoon cos he'd be tired and would have done enough at nursery so I treat mindees the same.

**LauraS** · 22-06-2012, 11:00 AM

You do say, though, that you give tv as an option once he has completed an activity, but he just rushes the activity to get back to the tv - I take it from that he does watch it at yours?

I wouldn't allow it. I might not necessarily arrange structured activities for a him as that doesn't see to be appreciated by him at the moment, but would provide a variety of free play stuff and turn the tv off for good. I wouldn't even offer it as a treat, because that sets the tv up as the treat and any other sort of activity up as a chore. It might take time for him to lose the stubborness and learn to play with other things, but he will eventually.

**Bridey** · 22-06-2012, 11:23 AM

Don't put the tv on for him. If he is tired and wants to sit quietly with books or just holding a toy then that is fine but no tv.

**Helen79** · 22-06-2012, 12:26 PM

Don't put the tv on for him. If he is tired and wants to sit quietly with books or just holding a toy then that is fine but no tv.

Why shouldn't he watch tv for a bit though if that's what he really wants to do? I'm really tired today, didn't sleep well last night, been out and about this morning so while mindees having a nap I'm doing a bit of paperwork and watching some daytime junk on the tv to switch off. Once kids are in bed tonight then I'll watch an hour of tv to switch off and relax. If someone turned it off and banned it and made me read a book or hold a toy because it's a better learning experience i wouldn't be best pleased.

Obviously I'm not suggested we all stick the tv on all day whenever the children ask but if ds was at a cm and they refused the tv when he was really tired and needed a rest (but too old for a nap and not interested in books) and told him to sit and hold a toy instead then i'd probably be quite cross that his physical need for a rest wasn't being met. A few episodes of PeppaPig really aren't going to do any damage if parents are happy about it.

**melco** · 22-06-2012, 12:34 PM

I didn't mean that I don't allow him to watch it ever, its just when we come back from Nursery and I give him options of what he would like to do TV is not one of them. When I collected him the first time from Nursery we got back and he walked straight into my lounge and turned the TV on himself as I was getting lunch ready I allowed it and now he thinks its ok to do that all the time and thats when I spoke to his mum and she said it was ok that is where I am having the trouble,so as someone else said I have been using it as a bribe and really wish I hadn't. I am now unsure what to do, as like others have said he may just want to wind down after Nursery and he is tired but also do not want his time with me just watching TV. I suppose everyone is different in the way they would do things. Also when its your own children you don't worry so much but I want to make sure I am doing everything right.

**melco** · 22-06-2012, 12:35 PM

Thanks Helen I do feel better now x

**nikki thomson** · 22-06-2012, 01:48 PM

I don't see why a little tv after nursery is a problem myself. My dd is 4 and goes to Pre-school every morning now when she gets home I make lunch and we have a chat about her morning then she goes in the lounge gets her peppa pig blanket curls up on the sofa and I put the tv on for about an hr.
She never budges and just needs to chillax as she's tired but doesn't nap anymore.
I'd be really miffed if she went to a cm and wasn't allowed to have a chill out time as the cm insisted she be doing some sort of activity it's not on in my opinion. X

**Bridey** · 22-06-2012, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Helen79

Why shouldn't he watch tv for a bit though if that's what he really wants to do? I'm really tired today, didn't sleep well last night, been out and about this morning so while mindees having a nap I'm doing a bit of paperwork and watching some daytime junk on the tv to switch off. Once kids are in bed tonight then I'll watch an hour of tv to switch off and relax. If someone turned it off and banned it and made me read a book or hold a toy because it's a better learning experience i wouldn't be best pleased.

Obviously I'm not suggested we all stick the tv on all day whenever the children ask but if ds was at a cm and they refused the tv when he was really tired and needed a rest (but too old for a nap and not interested in books) and told him to sit and hold a toy instead then i'd probably be quite cross that his physical need for a rest wasn't being met. A few episodes of PeppaPig really aren't going to do any damage if parents are happy about it.

Because he is demanding it, it is affecting his participation in other activities and the minder is using it a a bribe.

My mindees watch a bit of tv when I feel it is appropriate ... but they don't decide when, it doesn't get switched on routinely and they certainly don't get it as a reward for refusing to do anything else.

Who's in charge, him or the adult? I also didn't realise that sitting holding a toy was such an energetic activity. I wouldn't work for a parent who complained because I refused to put on television at rest time. Its a proven fact that the flickering of the screen stimulate the brain, not relaxes it. This stimulation prevents sleep!

At the end of the day, the OP has asked for ideas to get him away from the tv so I assumed that was the point of this thread! I certainly wasn't suggesting the child not be allowed to rest.

**danielle10392** · 22-06-2012, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by Helen79

Why shouldn't he watch tv for a bit though if that's what he really wants to do? I'm really tired today, didn't sleep well last night, been out and about this morning so while mindees having a nap I'm doing a bit of paperwork and watching some daytime junk on the tv to switch off. Once kids are in bed tonight then I'll watch an hour of tv to switch off and relax. If someone turned it off and banned it and made me read a book or hold a toy because it's a better learning experience i wouldn't be best pleased.

Obviously I'm not suggested we all stick the tv on all day whenever the children ask but if ds was at a cm and they refused the tv when he was really tired and needed a rest (but too old for a nap and not interested in books) and told him to sit and hold a toy instead then i'd probably be quite cross that his physical need for a rest wasn't being met. A few episodes of PeppaPig really aren't going to do any damage if parents are happy about it.

i agree with this really. i am in the same situaiton .. i have a LO who comes home from nursery and just wants to chill! theyve been busy all morning/afternoon and just want to relax. i think if mum says its okay and LO is quite happy there isnt much of a problem

x

**melco** · 22-06-2012, 07:50 PM

I never meant for this to start a debate!!

All I wanted was some ideas to get him away from the TV so that is not all he does while in my care. I don't mind if now and again he watches it and his mum does not mind, but my problem was thats all he wants to do. I know that play should be child led but my question was what do I do if he does not want to do anything. I don't always have big activities planned I have just brought things that are for his age as any other mindees I have are under 2. So I have play dough, colouring books, books and lots of making things but he does not seem interested. Last week I had paint ready for him to do handprints and a poem printed for Fathers Day but he was not interested so he just made a picture which he rushed and I think his Mum was a bit dissapointed but like I said I understand that I can not make him do things he does not want to do. I have 2 girls and they love crafts etc so maybe that is my problem I am not sure what boys are into as much. I also only have him on Thursdays and Fridays with no other mindees and if he had someone else to play with maybe things would be different.

Today was actually a good day, after he had his lunch we sat at the table and he was drawing pictures for his mum and we made a picture out of tissue paper which he really enjoyed. We then had 20minutes until school run so yes then we did sit down and watch some TV together. Maybe I do use it as a bribe and if thats wrong then I am sorry but all I say to him when he asks to watch TV is to see if it would like to do something else instead and say like today if we have time we can sit and watch some TV and this is when he would normally rush to get things finished but today he actually wanted to do something.

I have only had him for 3 weeks so hopefully things will get better.

**samb** · 22-06-2012, 08:22 PM

Hiya - is there a particular program he is interested in at the moment? Maybe you could do it more like this...

Get in from nursery and watch said fave program. Then turn off tv and do activities to do with this.

I have a lo who is majorly into Bob the Builder at the moment - he doesn't ask for it on TV but I have a dancing Bob that he loves and given the choice he would just play with that for an hour or so! I very slowly add toys, maybe sitting playing with them myself while he carries on with dncing Bob. So the other day I first got out the box of diggers which has Bob books in too, I played with the diggers and he joined in. I started to read one of the books and pointed out the bricks. I then got the wooden bricks out and started to make a tower and used the diggers to transport them. This was over an hour in time but he was happy to move on within the theme.

Would this work for you? If he is not into anything specific you could pick something that would meet your resources easily.

Maybe he is just over stimulated if he has been busy at nursery and then is being offered lots at your house too and cutting back could help him to focus and relax more.

Good luck x

**Bridey** · 23-06-2012, 08:50 AM

Boys often aren't as interested in crafts as girls.

He may be happier with a box of cars or diggers or dinosaurs or trains or lego ... (or the whole lot!) tipped over the floor. Watch how he plays with these - he may arrange them into systems or collections, he may create a whole imaginary world complete with dialogue and sound effects. What happens if you add a washing up bowl of pasta or, if outside, water or rice or sand? How does he bring these into his game? These sort of activites can be observed and put in your Learning Journey. LJ's aren't supposed to be full of 'set up' observations and craft activities and he doesn't need to take a picture home every day.

If its just him you have then why not go for a little walk ... puddle splashing or collecting leaves or looking for bugs etc.

**LChurch** · 23-06-2012, 08:52 AM

I have a 4 yr old mindee, max for up to 2 hours, when we get in it is lunch time, this takes up to half an hour or so depending on one of the mindees who is a terribly slow and fussy eater! Also depends on the interaction between them all at the table! Lo this week has been under par so TV has been on after lunch for her to just rest in front of, even to the point she fell asleep one session bless her! Mum sometimes picks her up early and as she has been busy at nursery it really is not a problem for me if she wants TV although most of the time she will just play with the other mindees etc or do colouring or reading books etc. It is difficult if you need to do LJ, mum is not too fussed if I do that with her as she is getting it at nursery, although saying that I have helped her with getting her letters the right way round! I just normally let her do the leading as it is often such a short time that I have her! Not sure how I would fit everything in in such a short time!

**mushpea** · 23-06-2012, 11:19 AM

he would have done activities all morning at nursery so i wouldnt worry about specific activities, give him his lunch then tell him he can watch half hour of tv then turn it off and let him play,, suggest a game or an activitie and if he dosent want to do them then just let him get on with it whilst you do some paperwork or observe him playing to see what holds his interest, if he wont play at all then leave him for a while to see if he will 'give in' and play. I certainly wouldnt pass the buck by telling him you will get in to trouble I would tell him straight that tv time is over and that it is now time to play. it may take some time and sulks but he will get used to it.

**migimoo** · 23-06-2012, 10:36 PM

I also have a LO who only wants to watch tv...and he's only 18 months old!! mum is fine with that so that gives you a good idea of what she must do with him at home but i'm not!
He arrives after lunch when myself and my 3yr old mindee have cuddles and Team Umizoomi time as she's my little maths whizz

When tv goes off at set time he throws himself to the floor and tantrums.then spends the rest of the day escaping my 'boring' toys and games, returning to tv,fiddling with it and muttering to himself .

For your LO though who's had a busy morning at nursery I agree with what most are saying-i'd let him have half hour of tv to recharge and then introduce some play...my boy mindees unanimously don't seem interested in crafts though-fathers day felt like a forced production line just getting them to sit,handprint,glitter then leg it!!