Anyone ever come across this?

**BlondeMoment** · 03-06-2012, 09:13 PM

I've been looking after a 2 year old little boy for 5 weeks now. From the second his Mum leaves he screams and won't move away from the front door. He eats a little between the sobs but mainly just gives any food back to me. He won't be comforted or distracted and isn't interested in the other children or the toys.
He clutches his shoes and his belongings and just wants to leave the house.

When we do leave the house he is as happy as larry! Pointing at things and watching the world go by from his buggy. Yet as soon as we get close to the house he knows we're going back in and starts screaming again. He also doesn't like it if the buggy stops. When we get to the park he doesn't want to get out and play. he just screams at the park gate. Although the first time he went he did have a little go on a slide.
He likes the car too but screams if we have to stop at traffic lights or anything. When we do school run he's fine until we have to get back in the car, then he screams.

I thought we might have trust and separation issues here but we went to our local children's centre last week and he was quite happy on another childminder's knee who he'd never seen before. Does he just hate me lol?

Funny thing is, his Mum says he is the same at home. Spends all day screaming by the front door until they go out. She says he refuses to sleep when he clearly is desperate to and wakes up very early in the morning. She says he violently shakes the baby gate and has even torn up the carpet before.
Surely this isn't right?
Any help or anyone with any experience would be great x

Lisa x

jumpinjen · 04-06-2012, 06:00 AM

Wow - no I don't think this is right either! I at first thought he had attachment issues with the screaming and standing at the door but the fact that he likes motion and is happy with other people is interesting - maybe he has sensory issues? I'm sure that you've tried bringing toys into the hall to tempt him, and that he has comfort items from home to keep with him? I would maybe suggest to Mum that she seeks support from a health visitor or a doctor - especially if he likes movement and not being still - is there anywhere else that he goes that he behaves in a more relaxed way and actually interacts with other children at all? Even to play alongside them? Eat alongside them? He may be showing early signs of an autistic spectrum disorder - are other things at a normal level of development for his age? His physical skills, his speech, his communication, does he make eye contact? Sounds like a tough day with a LO screaming in the hall all day - can you invite the other minder around to yours to see if he relaxes with her there?

Jen x

**Helen79** · 04-06-2012, 08:15 AM

have you tried rocking him in the pushchair indoors to see if that helps him settle when you're at home.
If he's doing it at home as well it doesn't sound like separation anxiety. I'd ask mum to get him seen by the hv or gp, could he maybe have a pain or ache which is soothed by rocking and stopping him from sleeping.
I've no personal experience but cranial osteopathy maybe an idea for mum to look into.

**sarah707** · 04-06-2012, 08:42 AM

I was wondering like Helen if cranial osteopathy might be an avenue to follow.

Did he have a traumatic birth? That is often an indicator of things being out of alignment.

Hugs xx

**miffy** · 04-06-2012, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by Helen79

I've no personal experience but cranial osteopathy maybe an idea for mum to look into.

A friend tried this for her grandchild and the results were amazing. I'd talk to mum about it

Miffy xx

**LChurch** · 04-06-2012, 11:05 AM

Hi, this sounds just like one of mine! He used to scream the place down, very possessive of his shoes too, doesn't eat well, in fact v fussy! However after several months we are making progress, he now doesn't scream, not so attached to his shoes! although still struggles to play, worse if I or anyone is in the room, doesn't talk, although my oldest mindee did get him to babble away but I was not in the room, most odd! However he did join in a little bit at toddlers the other day. I will be getting him on both toddler days which I think he will benefit majorly from! However I think some of the problem is he is confused by language as he has more than one language! Hope you get to the bottom of the issues as it is very trying!

**mushpea** · 04-06-2012, 12:19 PM

Gosh and I thought i had problems with a 2year old who just wont play but thankfully he dosent scream, he will stand or sit in the same position for a good 30mins or longer if left probably but I darent leave him longer than that, then crys when he moves obviously cause he has stayed the same for too long and aches he also wont play at the park but is fine when there are other childern around but wont play on his own or with me even though he is an only child so must be used to plahing on his own.
I would bring the buggy in the hall and let him sit in it and see if that helps, maybe give him toys that use motion to work like ride on cars or a ball he can sit on a bounce gently up and down on.

**BlondeMoment** · 05-06-2012, 04:00 PM

Thanks everyone

I doubt very much that sitting him the buggy would help. When waiting to leave the house he gets very irritated at having to wait. I think he would just get frustrated that we weren't going out and I feel this would be teasing him.

He is incredibly angry. His screams are very angry and he tries desperately to get out of the door. He hasn't been violent towards any of the children. When they have offered him toys he just gives them back.
One thing I thought was quite strange was that he got very angry about me leaving the baby gate open at the kitchen door (I only close it when the oven is on). He went to it, slammed it closed then went back to screaming at the door. I thought that was very interesting so I left it open again the next time I went through it. He did it again.

The first time he came to the house he was quite happy. Wild but happy. He ran around opening all my cupboards and trashing the place lol. He even got into my bin and started eating some bread I'd thrown out.

It has got worse. It's as if he is bored of my house now and wants to go somewhere else.
His Mum says the same thing. He needs to be out and about all the time and hates being indoors. It's not just a motion thing. I have let him walk on reigns when doing the school run and he's quite happy then too.

Other development:
He is very physically able. He climbs and runs steadily etc. Fine motor skills I haven't seen but Mum doesn't seem to think there are any problems there.
She says he has recently become very fussy eating and won't eat anything apart from crisps.
He doesn't talk. He has one word which is 'fish' and a 'oooooh' expression when he sees something he likes (only when we're out).
Mum says his tongue is tied which may be part of the reason he doesn't have a lot of language yet. He does seem to understand some of what I say to him but it's hard to tell because he is so angry all of the time. My thoughts lean towards ADHD but I know they won't diagnose it until children are school age. A long time to wait for any help. His poor Mum is exhausted and I can see why. He is always awake at the crack of dawn and won't nap unless in the car.

**kindredspirits** · 05-06-2012, 06:58 PM

has mum asked for professional help?? seems that this LO is going to be very behind in development if this behaviour is allowed to continue to school age. does he play at all in your garden?

**BlondeMoment** · 05-06-2012, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by kindredspirits

has mum asked for professional help?? seems that this LO is going to be very behind in development if this behaviour is allowed to continue to school age. does he play at all in your garden?

No he's not happy in the garden either. He just scrambles at the back gate trying to get out and when he can't he sits by it and screams. Nothing makes him happy apart from being out. Very difficult

I don't think Mum has been to anyone professional. I don't think she realised how abnormal this behavior is until recently. I don't know what to advise her. I've not come across anything like this before.
He's so angry

**kindredspirits** · 05-06-2012, 08:46 PM

my instinct would be to open the door - obviously when you have no other mindees with you, and just let him go - see what he does, keep close to him so he's safe but just let him get on with whatever it is he is trying to do... you never know it might help him if he's feeling trapped just to be released.

of course I'm not a professional and have no experience of anything this severe.... professional help would of course be the way forward if mum is willing to ask for help.

**VeggieSausage** · 05-06-2012, 09:02 PM

I have a child who I suspect has adhd but no where near as severe as these behaviours, I think mum needs to see a health visitor/doctor asap....this lo sounds quite a handful when you have others too? how are you coping? his behaviour sounds obsessional could he be on the autistic spectrum?.....

**Monkey26** · 30-06-2012, 09:33 PM

Have there been any developments BlondeMoment?? Xx

**kimlouise25** · 01-07-2012, 06:27 AM

I thought the same that it could be seperation issue. But does sound like he could be on the autistic spectrum. I would definately advise mum to visit her gp and speak to them. If he is on the autistic spectrum or any other condition the sooner his mum gets some help and support the better. A little boy I uses to look after went to see a cranial osteopath and it worked wonders with his behaviour. Would definantly reccomend it.
Good luck.

**BlondeMoment** · 19-07-2012, 05:45 PM

Hi everyone
Thought I'd let you all know what happened in the end.....
One week his Mum said he was like that at home etc.
The next week she was saying that he was never like that at home and said she was really beginning to wonder just what had been happening here. Didn't like her tone - not sure what she was trying to suggest but I didn't like it.

So I said maybe it was best if we called it all off because everyone was clearly too upset about it the whole thing. My other Wednesday children hadn't had much attention for 6 weeks and we clearly weren't getting anywhere.
It wouldn't surprise me at all to hear in a few years that there is something wrong with this little boy. The 1 year old I look after understands more than he could. There really wasn't any communicating with this little boy and he was just so angry all the time that he couldn't be calm enough to even try and enjoy himself. Never seen such an angry child. He was like a thing possessed.
I'm pretty sure he has some form of autism. Possibly ADHD?
Either way, it's no longer my problem. It sounds harsh but I can't work with a parent like that.

**brillminder** · 19-07-2012, 10:13 PM

record this in case of a complain to ofsted - make note while fresh in your mind x

**Ripeberry** · 19-07-2012, 11:06 PM

Sounds like the parent was trying to sweep it under the carpet. Some people can't accept that there is a problem and try and ignore it or blame others. At least you were able to call it a day.

**BlondeMoment** · 19-07-2012, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by brillminder

record this in case of a complain to ofsted - make note while fresh in your mind x

Good idea! I'll do that x

**Bridey** · 20-07-2012, 06:45 AM

Its a brave decision to make, a hard one too. But I think you have done the right thing for you and the other mindees and I hope it makes for a nicer working environment for everyone.

Lets hope this little lad gets the help he seems to need.

**smurfette** · 20-07-2012, 01:39 PM

He sounds very like my nephew who is autistic a lot of the behaviours are similar .he was also very angry which came from frustration about not being able to speak. He now uses a pecs system and communicates through that but at almost 7 very few words still. His mum and dad were in denial too about it and everyone around suspected there was a problem a good while before they would admit it, it's so hard for anyone to accept it, for my brother and his wife they grieved for the independent adult child with a normal life they would never have, so you can understand it I guess.

She absolutely should not have taken it out on you I wouldn't have liked her tone either, and agree for you and your other Littlies this is best, he wasn't improving and I think you may find its some time before mum seeks help and you would have been fighting a losing battle all that time. You did the right thing, just note all down in case of issue later .. Hugs xx