Do you feel like you "enjoy" your own children?

[Boris]

I feel like that too. I have a DD (2) at home with me and DS (8) at school. Recently I felt like all I did was tell him off or say no to stuff when he came home from school, no you can't bring that toy downstairs, no you can't watch that on TV, no you can't eat that infront of the little ones etc etc. I had a chat with him and we made a few changes to the rooms and he has his own space a bit more now. He knows that if I didn't do this job he would be one of those children I am looking after. It is hard to find a balance sometimes though.

[candlequeen]

The thing to remember is that kids would express just the same resentment if they had five siblings of their own to contend with. There is a lot of emphasis these days of spending quality time with children and giving them individual attention, and whilst I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it is healthy for kids to learn how to adapt to group life.

Although there are times I am tired, grumpy and don't do the right thing by my own daughter, I know if I was working full time outside the home, I wouldn't be a better parent. I'm just so happy that my daughter, who is an only child, is growing into an incredibly social young girl. I was an only child for five years, and my mum was at home with me didn't mix me much with other kids, and I have no doubt this is why I have always been quite a shy person who has never been comfortable in groups.

[Kimmy050983]

I can't speak as a childminder, only as a working parent. Before I went on maternity leave, I worked full time (and then some, at times!) and commuted and was out of the house from 7am to 7pm five days a week plus some Saturdays. My children were all in full time childcare/wrap around care. Last summer, for example, they went to a holiday club at a soft play place. Once a week they went on a trip but the rest of the time they were in a hot airless windowless industrial unit from 8am to 6pm. Term time isn't much better.

I have missed nativity plays, birthdays, bring your mum to school days, fete's, sports days and exams. Someone else had the joy seeing my girls first crawl, first steps etc. I have come to dread their illness, teacher training days and snow days because they leave me in an untenable position with work. On her first day at high school, my daughter had to get the bus there alone, a forty five minute bus journey away, because I couldn't get time off. She had never been on a bus alone before and I couldn't even walk her to the bus stop. The guilt is awful.

When I get home from work, I start the dinner. We eat about an hour later, I wash up, clean up, put the washing on for the next day etc and then it's time for the kids to go to bed. Quality time, nil. At weekends, we shop and catch up on everything we didn't get done in the week.

I know my kids will have to share me and their home, I realise this - and so do they. The best option would be something like a TA job, so I'm away only short hours whilst they are in school but I would take a big drop in pay and still have to pay for almost full time childcare for the baby, which would wipe out my earnings. The only way I can drop my earnings is to also drop the cost of childcare, which is why childminding is a possibility.

I know it's not perfect, but short of winning the lottery, it never will be. Surely childminding has to be a better option for my children than going back to my job?!

This puts its so so much into perspection! Thank you.

I agree with Rickysmiths that it's much better to build up the number of children, hours and days gradually. I started minding when DS was 19 months old but only with one child (then 15 months) for 2 days and then for 3 days. This I did for 1 year!! Then those parents gave notice (thankfully!!!!i might add) and I had a baby start with me for 3 days a week (9h days) , she was 6 months at that point. Little girl is still with me and now 10 months later I have had another one starting for 2 days a week.
My little boy is very affected each time I have a new mindee starting. he is fab with the little girl but that took a good 3 months as he was getting used to a baby getting his mummys attention a lot. Now it's two 18 months old toddlers and he has to get his head around this, his routine changed and he is very very moody each time I work.. BUT I know he would be much unhappier if he'd be in childcare!!!
I am still only working 3 days a week which is enough for now til he goes to school. Even then I will only work 4 days maximum, so that he still gets one afternoon a week just for him. We get a food delivery each week so we are saving a LOT of time !!

[Playmate]

I first registered 19 years ago and have been back out of the house to work 3 times. Each time I hated it. A lot of the time I would come home from work tired and stressed so giving quality time to my children just didn't happen, I still wanted them in bed! Trying to juggle school holidays was a nightmare.

Getting the balance right when you are minding is not easy, but it can happen. My youngest was the worst for sharing me, but as she got older she is the most helpful and loving towards the mindees. Mine are now 20, 16 and 12 and my eldest 2 are registered assistants. Mine have learnt to appreciate that having me at home is a bonus

[TooEarlyForGin?]

It has been really interesting reading everyone's point of views.

It goes to show there is no "right" way to do anything, which is why I never critize anyone's choice to work or stay at home.

I feel after 10 years of doing this I have found a balance. I think around 3/4 years ago I was running around like a headless chicken, taking anything that came along and running with variations everywhere.

I am lucky enough that I am not a breadwinner so I can afford to say no more. It makes me smile though when I go to places and people will comment "what only 2/3 kids???".

I am sure my kids will appreciate it when they come to make hard decisions in the future.

[Gherkin]

I have to be honest that my two go to bed much later than they should do so that we can have a bit (and I mean a tiny bit) of quality time each day.

Some days I work really long hours and do need to force myself not to just put my two to bed when I finish work. In the summer its easier as we pretty much go to the allotment each night which my daughter loves (my son - not so much).

I do find that there are times though when I feel drained and I have to holds my hands up and say "rubbish mummy" time and send the kids to bed with their DS's so that I or my dh and I can just have some adult time (my children are notorious at the moment for hopping out of bed every 5 minutes).

I think its the same for every working parent (I have been both sides of the fence). You cannot always be perfect. I do find that because I work at home now though I see and hear gems from my children that I would have missed before and because I can do things with them after work which I wasn't able to do when I worked before due to commuting time.

My dd is 6 and ds is 7 and last night they both wanted to have the baby talk while I was watering the veg!!!! They really pick their moments. Then I was having to explain about the x & y chromesomes because they wanted to know how you get a girl and a boy all while hoeing the plot.

[md0u0131]

Since I read this the other day I have changed the way I do things. I suppose I was guilty of thinking it was switch off time when the last kids went home at 5 or 6pm and almost forgetting my own beautiful daughter.

Anyway this week I've made a real effort no matter how tired I am to spend 5/6-bedtime with just her, we've been bike riding/park/played in garden and it's been lovely. So thank you for reminding me