3yr old still being breastfed

[nipper]

My 39 month old mindee arrived screaming this morning, I could hear her as she got out the car. Dad said she had been ill all weekend with cough, cold and high temp so needless to say as soon as he had gone I popped the thermometer in her ear but it was normal.

She refuses to speak whilst my ds (8) and dd(5) are around and is to put it bluntly quite rude. I actually asked her to say hello to them this morning, which she did in the quietest of whispers.
I have had big issues at home time, from running around refusing to go (in the first month) but she now jumps into daddy's arms and won't walk out of the front door. Dad just panders to her and calls her 'princess' oh and funnily enough it is just starting to emerge that she is a moody so and so and has huge tantrums...they didn't tell me that when they signed her up!! I start to prepare her for home time, shoes on ready and even from the morning I tell her that she is going to be a big girl and walk out of the front door. Even in front of dad I lightheartedly say 'even so and so can walk out the door and she's two!!' in the hope he will cotton on, but her just melts in her presence.

She is the youngest of three (two older brothers) and cannot even dress herself. Most of the time her trousers and skirts are so tightly buttoned she can't undo them, so we have been doing lots of practise taking off various items and putting them back on, including fastening buttons and pulling off wellies.

To cap it all on the way home from school this morning, she announces she was sick last night. When I asked her what had caused her to be sick, she replied 'too much mummy's booby'. Whilst I realise that it is up to individuals how they raise their children I am quite shocked at this, because when they came to see me, having tried nurseries for a short time, I was very much under the impression that nothing was good enough for their precious daughter. Having seen what she is like around the other children I look after, I am now beginning to build up a pretty good idea of what she is like. I have to say that socially she needs to be around similar aged children in order to prepare her for school next September. I can't help but feel that her parents are not letting her grow up and pandering to her every mood/want etc etc.

Oh and to cap it all, this is the family who enquired about increasing her days from two full days to four full days, so I applied for the variation from ofsted and got it, told them and now they are dragging their heels...

I realise that this probably sounds as if I'm not enjoying having this child...thing is I can see where this is going. I've been on the receiving end of spoilt children when I worked as a teacher...think I better stop ranting!!

[Bridey]

I'm afraid you are right - it does sound like you dislike this child and her parents.

I can't see a problem with her leaping into dad's arms and being carried out. She's not seen him all day and at 39 months she's still a very little person. Its nearly a year and a half before she goes to school. She's just turned 3, why are you expecting her to dress herself without help? I also wouldn't put her not talking down to being 'rude', she's probably still scared of big children. My son was at that age.

I think there are so many unloved and neglected children out there that I found it hard to read this post. To criticise parents in such a derogatory way for loving their child saddens me. Maybe you would more comfortable working for another family?

[foxy lady]

I'm afraid you are right - it does sound like you dislike this child and her parents.

I can't see a problem with her leaping into dad's arms and being carried out. She's not seen him all day and at 39 months she's still a very little person. Its nearly a year and a half before she goes to school. She's just turned 3, why are you expecting her to dress herself without help? I also wouldn't put her not talking down to being 'rude', she's probably still scared of big children. My son was at that age.

I think there are so many unloved and neglected children out there that I found it hard to read this post. To criticise parents in such a derogatory way for loving their child saddens me. Maybe you would more comfortable working for another family?

i have to say i agree with you on this one, my son will be 3 in july and he jumps into my arms when i leave him for a while, i carry him out and wouldnt want it any other way better that than being unloved

[samb]

Maybe this little "princess" is spolit a bit at home but sounds like you are trying to support her development well with helping her to undress etc. My boy is 4 at the end of June and so starts school this September - he can mostly dress himself but gets in a flap about it and prefers to wear joggers as they are easier to put on - he doesn't like jeans because he says they feel too tight and he can't do the stiff button. He goes to pre school and also will jump up at me for a cuddle - why not? Its an expression of love - much rather mindees have that from parents than holding them at arms length and telling them to walk nicely all the time. I am sure she is learning that she needs to walk places when she is with you. This is a good part of her development and also good if she learns that things are appropriate in different situations (eg ok with Dad but not ok with teachers for example).

I breast fed both of my children until they were approx 14/15 months and I had people telling me that was too old. I don't see it as a problem unless the parents say they are trying to wean her off the breast but can't etc and then maybe you could offer support if you feel able otherwise I don't see what you can do.

As for mindee saying she was sick - I think I would have contacted parents as it doesn't matter why they were sick it is still sick and therefore they should have kept her at home. If it really is the case that she has "booby" until she is sick maybe Mum will realise she is giving her too much and she doesn't need it and if it prevents her from having childcare if she is sick she will cut back?

[Helen79]

sorry I have to agree with Bridey. I carry ds out of nursery still because we've both missed each other all day and we like to have a hug. I would be very cross if nursery were telling him he needed to be a big boy and walk out and making us feel bad for having a loving cuddle at the end of the day. He is also very shy and won't talk to other people, even at nursery he won't say hello in the morning and just wants to play quietly by himself.

Tantrums are very normal at this age and every child will have them, no matter what their parenting style is. There's also lots of posts on here about children misbehaving at home time. It sounds like you've done a good job of sorting that issue but you're now moaning that she gets carried out. If dad insisted she walked then she'd probably revert to misbehaving which you don't want.

It sounds like this family have a lovely bond and love they're dd very much, I think it's sad that so many children don't have this in a family and you're critising them for it. I think we've all looked after children that we don't bond with well or we disagree with parenting techniques, it's normal in this job. I think you've either got to give notice or treat her tantrums etc the same as the other children and forget about how the parents treat her at home.

[Mel_Johnson]

I know that people feel that toddlers shouldn't be breastfed but it is prefectly normal. It's just in western culture we seem to want our children to be small adults at such a young age. I breastfed my son until he was 2 years old and will be doing the same with my next (due in 8 weeks). For us 2 years was right the right time to finish but I have friends who had breastfed longer and some less time.
Incidently (sp?) the world health organisation recommends that you breastfed for at least 2 years!!

[LauraS]

I'm afraid you are right - it does sound like you dislike this child and her parents.

I can't see a problem with her leaping into dad's arms and being carried out. She's not seen him all day and at 39 months she's still a very little person. Its nearly a year and a half before she goes to school. She's just turned 3, why are you expecting her to dress herself without help? I also wouldn't put her not talking down to being 'rude', she's probably still scared of big children. My son was at that age.

I think there are so many unloved and neglected children out there that I found it hard to read this post. To criticise parents in such a derogatory way for loving their child saddens me. Maybe you would more comfortable working for another family?

What she said, with bells on.

She sounds like a normal three year old.

I find this forum difficult to read sometimes, when parents are criticised. I know that some parents are genuinely naff, but there is some uneccessary judgement in my opinion. I would have been really upset to know that my childminder was judging me because the behaviour/ability of my child was not perfect, or because I was still breastfeeding, or because I rocked my child to sleep at home or bought them shoes from somewhere other than Clarkes etc etc. Those things might not be the choices you would make for your child, but that does not make them lesser parents than you.

[*daisychain*]

I have to agree with all the above posts.
The title of your post '3 year old and still been breastfed ' and what ??
You have six paragraphs of complaints about this family (all of which I can't see a problem with) and you chose this as your title.Sounds like you are one of the many people whom I came across tellin me I should stop breastfeeding my son.
You are the one having to work with this family though, so if you are unhappy I'd suggest ending it.

[Bananabrain]

Well I am going to disagree [I'm good at disagreeing]
I think that everyone's being a little too harsh on OP.
I personally think that breastfeeding a 3 yr old is a little odd.
But as everyone else has said, we are all different.
And nobody can deny that if you pander to every whim, you get a spoilt brat.

[JCrakers]

Im glad I didnt write this post because Im upset that everyone has jumped on it on what is supposed to be a friendly supportive forum

Everyone has a down day and I (for the record) dont think 3yr olds should be breastfed but thats another post and thats my opinion. Everyone is entitled.

Hope Nipper is feeling ok. I too have had a child who acted like a baby with her parents but was very grownup with me. Its was very frustrating as the poor parents were exhausted but just couldnt say no to their child. They pandered to her every whim and all she did at home was scream, shout and throw things around.

[Kimmy050983]

My little boy was 3 in December 2011 and he still can be shy sometimes. I don't think that's bad tbh. I also don't pander to every whim and am fairly strict yet I do give him big cuddles when he comes out of preschool ..

[Helen79]

[QUOTE]Everyone has a down day and I (for the record) dont think 3yr olds should be breastfed but thats another post and thats my opinion. Everyone is entitled.[QUOTE]

Your obviously entitled to your opinion but our job is to me inclusive for all children and not to be openly judgemental of how parents treat they're children.
I'm sure the op hasn't actually said anything to parents about this but at 3 yrs old this child will start to say to the parents 'cm told me to be a big girl and not have a cuddle' which parents probably won't be happy about.

As long as parents aren't being abusive then it's not my job to really give any thought on what they want to do in their own time. I look after the children, and deal with any unwanted behavior as I see appropriate, not worry about whether a child is still bf at night.

[Bridey]

Your obviously entitled to your opinion but our job is to me inclusive for all children and not to be openly judgemental of how parents treat they're children.

That's true but occasionally you can find yourself working for a family whose ideas of childrearing just seem so alien and opposite to your own.

I just think that this particular child/family may be a bad match for this OP's particular style of minding, which is why she is feeling so uncomfortable. If I felt this way then I would have to end the contract as I would never want to harbour the negative feelings expressed against any child or family I work with.

[nipper]

Hi thank you to everyone who has replied to my post. Reading back, yes I suppose I should be a little more tolerant of people, however, as some of the latter posters have said childminding can be an incredibly lonely profession and it is for this reason that I use the childminding forum to seek the opinions of other people who might have experienced this. Whilst I don't profess to be a perfect mother, it is sometimes important not to let our hearts rule our heads, especially when it comes down to business.
Yes I think 3 yrs is a bit too old to still be breastfed and yes I wholeheartedly agree with various other posters who have suggested that if you let your children get away with 'undesirable' behaviour you end up creating a rod for your own back. For example, I am currently having problems taking my five yr old daughter into school. She has learned somewhere along the line that I will take her to her teacher when we go into the classroom every morning. I certainly won't pick her up because as far as I am concerned she is old enough to be doing it herself, the same for hanging her coat on her peg, putting her lunchbox in the right place, doing her register star and getting on with her busy book.
I don't regard myself as an uber strict parent, but in seventeen years as a primary school teacher I have seen lots of different parenting styles...some I have 'adapted/copied/disregarded/vowed never to copy' as necessary. I like to think I can take my own two children out in public and them not let me down by having tantrums whenever they don't get what they want.
As my last headteacher kept saying to myself and my colleagues, sometimes parenting classes wouldn't be such a bad idea for some people?

[nipper]

Oh yes and I forgot I do cuddle my own kids before anyone decides to shoot me down in flames again

[Bridey]

Parenting classes - I totally agree with you there!

I think the point that some of us were making was that your mindee has only just turned 3 and that some of your expectations of behaviour and development seem to be of that of an older child? (Apart from the breastfeeding - my opinion on that is each to their own - just please don't feed a 3 yr old in front of me!). She has a year and a half before she starts school and a lot can change in that time!

As long as she is aware that tantrums don't work at your house then let the parents get on with how they do things - its up to them. My mindees behave very differently with me than they do with their parents - they even happily eat food they would never touch at home!

[uf353432]

I have to agree with all the above posts.
The title of your post '3 year old and still been breastfed ' and what ??
You have six paragraphs of complaints about this family (all of which I can't see a problem with) and you chose this as your title.Sounds like you are one of the many people whom I came across tellin me I should stop breastfeeding my son.

I have to admit that this was my thought as well - not quite sure why this was the title of the post?

I have a nearly 3 yr old who is babied by mum and dad and I gently show mum on collection just how capable he is because developmentally her actions are holding him back. Now that she has embraced that he is coming on leaps and bounds, but my communication started from a basis of respect for her as a parent and their relationship.

There do seem to be lots of issues going on and perhaps a few single issues are making you over analyse other issues and blowing them up where as before you may have not worried. Work out whats important to you and then try and tackle one thing at a time. Try to keep personal feelings out of the equation and be objective.

As an advocate of breastfeeding - I will simply say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a breastfeeding relationship lasting until 3yrs and beyond - and whilst some people think its icky - professionally its best to keep that thought tucked away at the back of our minds.

[Ripeberry]

I think our job is about supporting the parents whatever their parenting style.
As long as the child(ren) are not being hurt or neglected then its no problem to me.
I have two boys who are allowed to handle real sharp knives to cut up veg at home and they are allowed to do all sorts that I would never let my own kids do.
But the kids are happy and still have all their digits..so far

Breastfeeding a 3 or 4yr old doesn't faze me and its mostly done for comfort. I'm quite amazed that the mum can still produce the milk to be honest

[nipper]

It was the comment she made about daddy...that really made me change my opinion.

[Ripeberry]

It was the comment she made about daddy...that really made me change my opinion.

Comment the child made? What was it again I can't find it for looking

But lots of parents pander to their children. One of my 3yr old mindees demands a certain CD to be on as soon as he gets in his parents car. The mum lent me the CD once but no way was I going to have that in my car as it was too distracting and it was the same track over and over again of loud piano music
He used to be allowed to start the engine as well, but I did point out to the mum that its not a good idea
You're doing well by helping the mindee become more self-sufficient. Maybe suggest a morning at a local pre-school to mix with older kids?