Help with terminating a contract during settling in

**lollipop kid** · 25-04-2012, 09:46 AM

Hi, apologies that this is a long one. I've recently taken on a 9 year old, and I'm now in the second week of her contract, with a four week settling in period. I went through my over 8's policy with the mum before doing the contract, and explained that I would use a settling in period, as I have to consider the needs of the younger children in my care, so any older child has to be able to be a role model for the younger children, which the mum said would be fine.

I've decided that I need to terminate this contract due to the child's behaviour, and could do with some advice re. letter content/next action.

I've decided to terminate as, apart from the fact that the child is being rude, raising her voice to me, and generally being unco-operative - all of which I would be happy to deal with using house rules, positive role modelling, etc., - I've caught her going upstairs into the non -childminding areas without permission (then refusing to come back down), and now she's started inciting my 4 year old son to throw things at other children and to spit, which has really shocked me.

Even worse, though, I feel that her mum has misled me with respect to the child's toileting. Her mum told me that the child needs to be reminded to go to the loo. I have now realised that the child actually doesn't seem to go to the loo all day at school at all, and actually wet herself on the way back to me on day one. I have spare clothes for my own DD who is 10, and put this down to a one-off accident. Yesterday, we got home from school and I noticed that the front of her skirt was wet, then I saw a trail of wee following her in the door just as she was making her way to my sofa. I sent her into the loo with some fresh clothes and told her to wee, give herself a little wash and to change. She did all (very reluctantly) except for the wash, and the other children I look after were saying that they didn't like the 'bad smell'. I have never come across this before. I have mentioned the wetting to her mum, and the behaviour. I would have hoped the mum would work with me to resolve the behaviour, and to be able to explain to me why the wetting happens, and what she is doing about it, but all she's done is give me some spare clothes to keep here. In the meantime, the weather is appalling so the added laundry each night (washing sofa throw, protective mat, cushions etc. so it is OK for the next day) is a nightmare.

Therefore, all things considered, I feel I need to terminate the contract. Interested in what any of you might think, as this isn't a decision I'm taking lightly. I've also just found out about ERIC.org.uk, which is a charity to help with child continence issues, which I'll tell the mum about. However, as I have younger children to look after, I can't take time out to give this child 1:1, hence my decision, but I hate giving up on a child. Still, I need to put the needs of the younger children (and my sanity) first.

Thanks for reading. What do I need to put in the letter, given that I'm still in the settling in period? Do I need to find her alternative care? Would after-school be able to handle the wetting better? Is there anything else I should do?

**Nikki125** · 25-04-2012, 09:55 AM

It sounds like she has a fear of/is scared of going to the toilet at school so is holding it in all day. I think mum needs to talk to the school about it so they are aware and see if something can be done at school or the situation can be gotten to the bottom of. A fear of public toilets isnt that uncommon.

**Mouse** · 25-04-2012, 10:00 AM

If you have already decided you are going to give notice I would say that a condition of your registration is that you ensure the care of over 8s in no way impacts on the care of the younger children.
You have a duty of care to the younger children and as this mindee is taking your attention away from them, and as her behaviour is causing problems, you have no option but to give notice.

If you want to give it another go, I would get mum in for a meeting. Be honest about the problems - the rudeness, not doing as she's told, inciting younger children to misbehave and the wetting. Tell mum that you must work together to sort it out, or you will have no option other than giving notice.
The behaviour problems can be worked on by setting firm boundaries, not letting her upstairs alone, keeping a close eye on what she is doing & saying etc.

As for the wetting, mum has to go to the GP and go into school. It could be a medical problem, which the doctor could either rule out, or treat, or it could be a behavioural problem, which school can help with. Many children refuse to use school toilets during the day (understandibly when you see the state of some of them) and wait until they get home. This obviously doesn't work for mindee & she needs to be going during the day & especially before she leaves school. Perhaps school could arrange for her to use a staff toilet, or go at a time when there are no other children about (ie. just before the end of a lesson, or at the beginning when everyone else has gone into class).

**Debster** · 25-04-2012, 10:07 AM

I sympathise with you completely I had the same issue. I would just tell her and put it into writing that it is not working out with the variation in age ranges. its hard to put it a nice way. But I would get rid. I would be more bothered about behavior that the toilet issue

**lollipop kid** · 25-04-2012, 10:15 AM

Thanks for your quick and helpful responses. It's so reassuring to have other childminders to ask and I really appreciate your taking time out to respond. Have already tried the meeting with the mum. I might have another go and give it another week.

BucksCM · 25-04-2012, 11:49 AM

Haven't got long enough for a detailed response...sorry... but I just wanted to say that I have a 12yo dd who HATES going to the toilet at school! She'll be in the car jiggling and runs up the stairs as soon as we get in! I have told her that she really can't keep doing it as she'll end up getting infections etc. But she says the toilets stink at school and she hates them!
Maybe just getting your mindee to go as soon as you get in?

**Mouse** · 25-04-2012, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by munchkin1

Thanks for your quick and helpful responses. It's so reassuring to have other childminders to ask and I really appreciate your taking time out to respond. Have already tried the meeting with the mum. I might have another go and give it another week.

You could always extend the settling period for another week or 2. It would give you a bit longer to work with the family and not tie you into a full contract so soon.