Awkward parent

[Rashi]

Hi everyone

I am really hoping you can offer me some advice.

I recently advised all my parents that I was no longer providing meals due to the fact that I have to register with my local council and be inspected by environmental health as well as all the other tasks to go with it. Obviously the cost of food has played a part as well as the time it takes to prepare meals.

I also stated that fees needed to be paid on time or late charges would be applied as I have had 2 parents who are always late with payments.

One of my parents has taken a dislike to this and given me notice for her LO. She accused me of overcharging and being out of order making alterations to the contract, in actual fact, it states in the contract that meals are to be provided by parents. I charge £30 per day from 7am - 7pm including trips out, drinks and snacks.

She has given me 4 weeks notice because as she said "If I am paying for it then I may as well use it". I have no issue working the notice period but she is making it very difficult for me as she is being very off with me via text and barely says 2 words to me when she picks LO up. She has also told LO that she will be leaving me and now LO has started playing up and hurting the other children in my care including my own.

Everything was fine before she gave notice and told LO she was leaving me.

She has been a frequent late payer and I have never applied late charges and now she will be making 2 payments to cover the fees for the notice period which means 1 week is in arrears and 1 week in advance.

I just don't know what to do for the best. I am exhausted from her LO playing up so much and it is upsetting the other children and causing disruption within the setting.

[smurfette]

Oh Hun that's rough, does sound like you will be better off without this mum! Make yourself a big calender and mark off the days, bite your tongue in meantime and plan some nice stuff to keep Lo busy and make days go fast xx

[FloraDora]

In order to maintain your reputation I would stick to notice period and grin and bear it...not long now...as it sounds like she may be a tittle tattler...and you will know that you did everything above board.
Lesson learn't though - if the contract says meals provided by parents then don't provide them...

[funemnx]

I gave notice to stop providing meals 5 years ago for the same reasons (plus all I got were moans saying I don't like brocolli/gravy/chicken etc). All of the parents were unhappy - mainly because now they had the hassle of trying to feed their children a meal they would not eat. Non gave notice however and I wonder if this parent is biting off her nose to spite her face - maybe she already has alternative care lined up which is cheaper. It's not your fault! Count the minutes until this lo goes and then you can relax xx

[Rashi]

I have only ever provided lunch but that was at the request of the parents, at the time I had no idea what it entailed providing meals and the legal requirements. As soon as I found out thats when I put a letter together for parents.

[loocyloo]

You do need to be registered with your LAs environmental health even if all you provide are snacks or even just store lunch boxes!

Sorry this doesn't help OP. I would be biting my tongue and crossing dates off until they left. Smile sweetly at mum and LO and think about something else x

[Blueeyedminder]

Don't you just wish you could make a note of every date payment was late and how much by and total it up and give parent a big stonking bill!! In my contract it states £10 a day late payment fee! I hate people who treat us this way! Uncalled for!

[Rashi]

I completely agree. We are treated like we are insignificant and constantly undermined. We do a very fulfilling but difficult job and care for the single most precious person in anyone's life.
I will definitely contact my LA to make them aware that I am providing snacks and storing lunchboxes. Thank you fir the advice.

[Koala]

As much as the parent deserves a whole load of 'telling it as it is' Try and just bite your tongue, or be extra nice - knowing that it would probably have more impact than the reaction mum is trying to provoke, keep the moral high ground

And I would be bending over backwards if you were my childminder - £30 for 12 hours - I make no wander your having to make cut backs, your parents should be sending YOU! a food parcel to feed your family

Some people are just never grateful, appreciative or even plain old courteous, and they will never change, just have a sad life! but don't let her bring you down too.

[bunyip]

I'd say these are your options. I don't necessarily recommend all of them: you know the situation best.

It's possible, as previously mentioned, mum has bitten off her nose to spite her face. Just possible she might be regretting giving notice. It's up to you if you want to give her the possibility of a way out - if you think the relationship can work any longer. If so, just ask if she's had any 2nd thoughts - but don't sound like you're begging (which I'm pretty sure you won't be.)

Suck it up. Accept you're both just seeing through a business arrangement and be glad of the lucky escape. Being in a caring business, we sometimes forget it is a business and we can't expect any more or less than what's there on the contract. Grit your teeth for 4 weeks and don't show the emotion. Stick a huge 'countdown calendar' on the back of the bedroom door to tick off the days. Have the champagne ready on ice for the final pick-up.

If you can get by without the money, ask mum if she wants to change to earlier/immediate notice. This can save a lot of stress all round and look like a positive move from you if she does indeed have alternative childcare ready and waiting. The time I've worked a notice, I hated every minute. I'd have been delighted to tighten my belt a little and be shot of the aggro if only the mum had just walked away. A working mum would be a fool to give notice with no other childcare lined up (that said, the world isn't exactly short of fools.)

If the child's behaviour is a genuine threat to the other children's well-being, that may present an opportunity to give immediate notice. TBO I'd only do this for reasons of genuine concern, not use it as an excuse. In any case you'd need to check your contract, policies and take legal advice from your insurer or professional representative body. Remember, it's a month; it's a job; it's not a war - you don't have to 'win'. If mum gets immediate notice out of the blue, she'll think you've started a tit-for-tat thing and there may well be unpleasant repercussions: attempts to damage your reputation, or a malicious complaint. At the very least, I'd have a word and issue a warning first if I was considering this course of action. That in itself might be enough to persuade mum to bring forward the leaving date or (if she desperately needs your service for the full notice period) take some steps to control her child.

Whatever happens, all the best. I know plenty of people here will be thinking of you.

[rickysmiths]

Hi everyone

I am really hoping you can offer me some advice.

I recently advised all my parents that I was no longer providing meals due to the fact that I have to register with my local council and be inspected by environmental health as well as all the other tasks to go with it. Obviously the cost of food has played a part as well as the time it takes to prepare meals.

Unless you only provide water and don't reheat, store or serve up any meals the children brink then yes you don't have to register though I would have thought you already were? If you store food, serve it or reheat it you have to remain registered and as Ofsted now automatically register all new minders they I am sure will be asking at inspections if you are. You could charge extra for meals.

I also stated that fees needed to be paid on time or late charges would be applied as I have had 2 parents who are always late with payments.

One of my parents has taken a dislike to this and given me notice for her LO. She accused me of overcharging and being out of order making alterations to the contract, in actual fact, it states in the contract that meals are to be provided by parents. I charge £30 per day from 7am - 7pm including trips out, drinks and snacks.

If you have given the correct notice of any changes you make they are your Contracts for your business and you can change them but of course it is a parents right to give notice if they don't like the changes.

She has given me 4 weeks notice because as she said "If I am paying for it then I may as well use it". I have no issue working the notice period but she is making it very difficult for me as she is being very off with me via text and barely says 2 words to me when she picks LO up. She has also told LO that she will be leaving me and now LO has started playing up and hurting the other children in my care including my own.

So? This can happen when a parent gives Notice and we have to work through it.


Everything was fine before she gave notice and told LO she was leaving me.

This is often the case, she may feel she has been forced to give notice because of the changes you have made and may actually not want to have to leave you?

She has been a frequent late payer and I have never applied late charges and now she will be making 2 payments to cover the fees for the notice period which means 1 week is in arrears and 1 week in advance.

I just don't know what to do for the best. I am exhausted from her LO playing up so much and it is upsetting the other children and causing disruption within the setting.

Well you either have to sit down and talk to her and see if you can resolve the issues so she is happy and you are happy and she doesn't leave.

You carry on, weather the storm until she leaves.


I must say when I make changes I apply them to new starters especially fee rises. I discuss other proposed changes with my current parents before implementing them so they have time to take in the changes. I can see your point about food to some extent, I have always provided it because I prefer to have absolute control over the food and not have food from an unknown source coming into my home. Cooking is instinctive for me, I cook fresh for my family every day so cooking for the few mindees who are here in the evening is no problem. Porridge for breakfast and sandwiches and fruit fro lunch take no time to prepare. But that's me. Also I have never been inspected and nor have the majority of cms in the town. They did 5 6 years ago when we were all told we had to register and they have never done anyone since.

I also find it odd that you say on you Contracts you don't provide food but you have?

Late fee I am with you 100% and I rarely enforce mine but I did a couple of weeks ago with a parent and she has been on time ever since so it does work. I have a 3 strikes rule.

[Rashi]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I am going to weather the storm and see it through to the end.

Rickysmiths I stated in my contract that food is to be provided by parents but can be provided by childminder upon request. The reasons for this were so I am not committing myself to providing meals, however, I appreciate their are times when parents may need this. I have never charged for this either.

I find it much easier just unpacking lunches prepared by parents for mindees and it allows me to have my lunch with them too. Everyone is happy.

Things work differently for different cm's as our mindees are all unique little people and some may prefer eating lunches prepared at home than by their cm.

I appreciate all the advice given. You are all wonderful xx

[FloraDora]

Ricky smiths : Also I have never been inspected and nor have the majority of cms in the town.

I had an inspection today! I had notice of it, thankfully achieved the top level5 grade, but she said that all childminders have to be registered, like you pointed out, if they handle food, it is a myth that you don't need to if the children bring packed lunches.
As it is a requirement to provide water at all times then unless you are not doing this, you need to be registered....hence the fact that all childminders are automatically registered by ofsted now.
If you follow the safer food, better business guidelines and keep a few notes in the back of it, its easy peasy lemon squeezy.

[gwm]

Keep your head held high and be the professional you are. Work out your notice with a smile on your face and document every conversation, text and interaction until she leaves.