Feel I am being taken advantage of! help please

[DAYDREAMER]

I am fairly newly registered and have just (nov) received good for my first post registration inspection, there was only 2 minor action points and lots of positive comments which makes me even more cross that most of my parents seem to constantly try to penny pinch! I have given up a reasonably paid professional carer to childmind and to be honest they way I feel at the minute I want to go back to it! All because of the money side of things

I have 5 children on role, 2 sets of parents are brilliant the other 2 have made me feel uncomfortable about my charges on more than one occasion! I should say both these parents were already freinds before I cared for their little ones!

My first issue is that one is alway late with my wages, despite signing a payment policy detailing charges if wages are late (ive never charged late payment fees ) mum constantly moans about the cost of childcare, I charge her the least per hr £3.50 her child takes up a early yrs place 2 days a week and bill totals £46 a week, I know I cant really judge but this is nothing compared to what my own childcare bill was! I let her bring her own food to save money I had said pre cooked but more than often I get a raw unpeeled potato, frozen fishfingers and veg so im cooking anyway! Then whenever either parent is on annual leave they both put pressure on me to take annual leave as they know I dont charge when im on holiday. I actually took a half term off this year that I was planning on having off because I felt sorry for them! I know I am my own worst enemy! I had both of them hinting for me to take time off over christmas because one of them was off and its just getting embarressing! I actually stood my ground and explained I had already had 6 wks unpaid annual leave this year so was therefore taking no more!

The other parent had prior to contract suggested that a gradparent would help out with the children on occasion during the school holidays. I have one early years and one before and after school from this parent. I had agreed to this for the after schooler as at the time I was panicing at how I would cope during the holidays. But have now some how agreed to charging half during parent holidays for just the early years child (nothing for the school aged) and some of these holidays are during term time so im actually losing a lot of money. This parent gets 80% of my bill paid through tax credits My contract does state my normal hourly fee for parent holidays/occasional days off and child sickness but verbally I have been talked out of this. Grr im so cross with myself! Im worried that whenever this parent wants to save a bit of cash they will pass the kids over to the grandparents because im such a mug!

This has really bugged me over christmas so ive decided in my next newsletter to attach my payment policy for them to read again. To let them know my planned annual leave (does anyone know if legally we have to take a certain amount?) and make a point that I wont be taking anymore other than sickness/emergencies etc and also im putting my fee's up as of april. Im considering a daily rate for anone new who comes along, im wondering if this will stop people trying to save a few quid here or there by collecting early etc. Sorry for massive post! does anyone have any idea how I can straighten things out with these parents without falling out with them? Xxx

[MRS DOUTFIRE]

when i was having a little moan his week, some one on this site said i write letter to parent being very to the point , its a brill idea but im such a mug that i honestly dont have the balls, sorry the wording, im in two minds over it , as i dont want to upset any one but i also understand if i let people take the mickey out of me they will carry on , its a hard one , good luck , im fairly new too aug 2010 x

[onceinabluemoon]

I am fairly newly registered and have just (nov) received good for my first post registration inspection, there was only 2 minor action points and lots of positive comments

Well done, you should be proud of yourself

I have 5 children on role, 2 sets of parents are brilliant the other 2 have made me feel uncomfortable about my charges on more than one occasion! I should say both these parents were already freinds before I cared for their little ones!

A bit late now but rule number one is never work for friends unless you are both totally able to keep work and friendship separate

My first issue is that one is alway late with my wages, despite signing a payment policy detailing charges if wages are late (ive never charged late payment fees )

So as from jan 1st charge late fees each and every time, it soon stops the late payers! You already have it as a policy so you just need to say in writing that you will be implementing it each and every time payment is late in future. If you are using MM contracts you have the right to suspend childcare until the invoice is paid, if using ncma contracts you do not.

mum constantly moans about the cost of childcare, I charge her the least per hr £3.50 her child takes up a early yrs place 2 days a week and bill totals £46 a week, I know I cant really judge but this is nothing compared to what my own childcare bill was!

This parents bill has nothing to do with what your childcare bill was hunnie so you need to let this go, you agreed to fees as did she, some parents just moan non stop about paying fees

I let her bring her own food to save money I had said pre cooked but more than often I get a raw unpeeled potato, frozen fishfingers and veg so im cooking anyway!

Check the child's food as they come in and if it's unsuitable send parent home for what is needed. Perhaps remind parent that food should be precooked by letter first (keeping a copy in their file for future reference )

Then whenever either parent is on annual leave they both put pressure on me to take annual leave as they know I dont charge when im on holiday.

Its hard but you have to learn to say no.

I actually took a half term off this year that I was planning on having off because I felt sorry for them! I know I am my own worst enemy! I had both of them hinting for me to take time off over christmas because one of them was off and its just getting embarressing! I actually stood my ground and explained I had already had 6 wks unpaid annual leave this year so was therefore taking no more! Well done!

The other parent had prior to contract suggested that a gradparent would help out with the children on occasion during the school holidays. I have one early years and one before and after school from this parent. I had agreed to this for the after schooler as at the time I was panicing at how I would cope during the holidays. But have now some how agreed to charging half during parent holidays for just the early years child (nothing for the school aged) and some of these holidays are during term time so im actually losing a lot of money.

You need to check your contract, if it says grandparent can have child as and when you have no leg to stand on, however if it only says school holiday time you need to implement full charge and if necessary add a copy of the contract. (probably wont happen but you never know)

This parent gets 80% of my bill paid through tax credits

Not to be rude, but it really doesn't matter where the parent gets the money from, it's not your business

My contract does state my normal hourly fee for parent holidays/occasional days off and child sickness but verbally I have been talked out of this. Grr im so cross with myself! Im worried that whenever this parent wants to save a bit of cash they will pass the kids over to the grandparents because im such a mug! If the contract says it then stick to it (unless you have verbally agreed not to).

This has really bugged me over christmas so ive decided in my next newsletter to attach my payment policy for them to read again. To let them know my planned annual leave (does anyone know if legally we have to take a certain amount?) and make a point that I wont be taking anymore other than sickness/emergencies etc and also im putting my fee's up as of april. Im considering a daily rate for anone new who comes along, im wondering if this will stop people trying to save a few quid here or there by collecting early etc.
Fees should be for contracted hours, if parents pick up early they should not be refunded as its their choice! (unless your contract says they only pay for the hours they use)

Sorry for massive post! does anyone have any idea how I can straighten things out with these parents without falling out with them? Xxx

Seems to me that you really need to sit down with both these parents and put things back onto a professional footing. Tell them that you are finding it hard as they are friends but you have to abide by the same set of rules for all parents, If they are not able to stick to the original contract without all this fuss and emotional blackmail I would suggest terminating and remember not to work for mates again.

[Pipsqueak]

the other 2 have made me feel uncomfortable about my charges on more than one occasion! I should say both these parents were already freinds before I cared for their little ones!

and this is why they are totally insensitive and I would be questioning if they are friends.... they are not differentiating between you been a friend and you being a business. you need to reset some ground rules asap and tell them oh so professionally and politely where to get off otherwise the friendship is going to suffer and so is the professional relationship. Make it extremely clear whenever you are talking to them which hat you are wearing.

My first issue is that one is alway late with my wages, despite signing a payment policy detailing charges if wages are late (ive never charged late payment fees ) mum constantly moans about the cost of childcare,
her problem not yours - IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

I charge her the least per hr £3.50 her child takes up a early yrs place 2 days a week and bill totals £46 a week, I know I cant really judge but this is nothing compared to what my own childcare bill was! I let her bring her own food to save money I had said pre cooked but more than often I get a raw unpeeled potato, frozen fishfingers and veg so im cooking anyway!
you do not have to justify your prices to us or anyone else. The parent should have thought about all this BEFORE signing up to a contract. Please refer to previous comment of ignore the whinging old bag. If you feel you cannot do that - take some time to practice a faux sympatheic face - y'no tilt to one side - put on a bit of a grimace and just say yes I know I totally sympathise...... and faux smile - preferably again gurning your best gurn. if you gurn enough she might stop making comments to you because you are making yourself totally wierdy or unattractive or else she might think you have some contagious afflication.


Then whenever either parent is on annual leave they both put pressure on me to take annual leave as they know I dont charge when im on holiday.


refer to previous comments of ignore or gurn. If you need an alternative start practising your best No or let me think about it comment. This needs practice - practice in the mirror or on the hubby/dog/children.
IT CAN BE ACHEIVED. Best accompanied by a gurn and faux smile.


I actually took a half term off this year that I was planning on having off because I felt sorry for them! I know I am my own worst enemy! I had both of them hinting for me to take time off over christmas because one of them was off and its just getting embarressing! I actually stood my ground and explained I had already had 6 wks unpaid annual leave this year so was therefore taking no more!

aaaaahhh see you have done it once.... you CAN do it again

The other parent had prior to contract suggested that a gradparent would help out with the children on occasion during the school holidays. I have one early years and one before and after school from this parent. I had agreed to this for the after schooler as at the time I was panicing at how I would cope during the holidays. But have now some how agreed to charging half during parent holidays for just the early years child (nothing for the school aged) and some of these holidays are during term time so im actually losing a lot of money. This parent gets 80% of my bill paid through tax credits My contract does state my normal hourly fee for parent holidays/occasional days off and child sickness but verbally I have been talked out of this. Grr im so cross with myself! Im worried that whenever this parent wants to save a bit of cash they will pass the kids over to the grandparents because im such a mug!

new year new contract review. figure out some new terms and conditions that you are happy with - present to parent. they can take of leave it. REMEMBER L'OREAL - you ARE WORTH IT

This has really bugged me over christmas so ive decided in my next newsletter to attach my payment policy for them to read again. To let them know my planned annual leave (does anyone know if legally we have to take a certain amount?) no certain amount - we are S.E and can take as much or little as we like and make a point that I wont be taking anymore other than sickness/emergencies etc and also im putting my fee's up as of april. Im considering a daily rate for anone new who comes along, im wondering if this will stop people trying to save a few quid here or there by collecting early etc. Sorry for massive post! does anyone have any idea how I can straighten things out with these parents without falling out with them? Xxx

hope some of that helps - now go away and practice

[The Juggler]

Seems to me that you really need to sit down with both these parents and put things back onto a professional footing. Tell them that you are finding it hard as they are friends but you have to abide by the same set of rules for all parents, If they are not able to stick to the original contract without all this fuss and emotional blackmail I would suggest terminating and remember not to work for mates again.

I agree hon. Then make a list of things to talk about and make sure you do and come to an agreement, so it seems that you are not layign down the law but asking them to help you reach a compromise. i.e. with the food asking what they'd like to do and give them an option, either they bring cold packed lunch or pre-cooked OR you provide for cost.

Good luck. let us know how you get on.x

[slimpickings]

Hi,
We all get parents like the ones you describe and you really need to sort it out. First I think you should you should sort out paid annual leave. Yes you are intitled to it. Contact your local citizens advise for how many days you get. Next talk to parents about your friendship and explain you are running a businness and you are finding it hard to keep it seperate. I had same problem and just took bull by horns and asked mum to meet me. Im glad I did as we sorted everything and things running ok at present. If they decide to send kids to grandparents so be it. For your own sanity do it soon. Good luck.

[Lems]

DAYDREAMER You have been given some great advice (you peeps on this forum are just fab!!! ) I hope you manage to sort things out.

I'm not reg. yet but I have been asked by 2 different friends to mind their lo's but I have avoided the conversation and kind of swayed them towards a CC that I know as I already know I too would not be comfortable in dealing with money issues with them

[miffy]

You've answered your own questions - you know you've been too soft - your "own worst enemy" as you put it!

Time for some straight talking - remind them of your contract terms and, in future, stick to it - if they are late, charge late payment fees; if they want holiday and you don't then don't take it and they must pay; refuse to cook food if mum sends it or tell her that if you have to cook it then you will charge.

Make it a New Year and new start!

Miffy xx

[PixiePetal]

As above! straight talk to clear the air and stand your ground on things they have already agreed to, then iron out the differences to come to a compromise if necessary.

Sometimes friends can be the most difficult to mind for

[shazsull]

the raw unpeeled potatoe has made me chuckle !!!!theres providing own food and providing own food!!!!

[mufftie]

new year new you , great oportunity to get that letter out and stick to it , we all have parents who moan about paying but when a lot of them get it paid for by tax credits then theres no excuse. i have started doing daily rates for full timers it works well as you always know what your getting , bit more difficult if they only do flexible hours though good luck i need to do similiar tbh and starting with my newbies in the new year i shall be a lot firmer .

[Mrs Pootle]

Hi, not a lot to add, as great advice already given . I would simply suggest getting payment in advance, that way there is less chance of quibbling over the hours. All my parents pay either weekly or monthly in advance (eg on a Friday for the following weeks care), if they pick up early, or don't send their child I have already been paid for the contracted hours.
Good luck with what ever you decide, it must be really hard when you consider the parents as friends.

[Pipsqueak]

[QUOTE=slimpickings;837616]Hi,
First I think you should you should sort out paid annual leave. Yes you are intitled to it. Contact your local citizens advise for how many days you get. QUOTE]

Sorry to contradict you Slimpickings but as Self Employed persons we are actually not entitled to holiday leave in the way you are implying. We do not accrue or earn holidays/time off as an employed person would. As S/E we can pick and choose our own working hours/days/times and as professionals we would need to ensure that we have been transparent with parents about it.

we are not even entitled to paid time off. NCMA recommends it but again it is down the individual to sort it out that suits them and their buisness.

[jubeedo]

I am fairly newly registered and have just (nov) received good for my first post registration inspection, there was only 2 minor action points and lots of positive comments which makes me even more cross that most of my parents seem to constantly try to penny pinch! I have given up a reasonably paid professional carer to childmind and to be honest they way I feel at the minute I want to go back to it! All because of the money side of things

I have 5 children on role, 2 sets of parents are brilliant the other 2 have made me feel uncomfortable about my charges on more than one occasion! I should say both these parents were already freinds before I cared for their little ones!

My first issue is that one is alway late with my wages, despite signing a payment policy detailing charges if wages are late (ive never charged late payment fees ) mum constantly moans about the cost of childcare, I charge her the least per hr £3.50 her child takes up a early yrs place 2 days a week and bill totals £46 a week, I know I cant really judge but this is nothing compared to what my own childcare bill was! I let her bring her own food to save money I had said pre cooked but more than often I get a raw unpeeled potato, frozen fishfingers and veg so im cooking anyway! Then whenever either parent is on annual leave they both put pressure on me to take annual leave as they know I dont charge when im on holiday. I actually took a half term off this year that I was planning on having off because I felt sorry for them! I know I am my own worst enemy! I had both of them hinting for me to take time off over christmas because one of them was off and its just getting embarressing! I actually stood my ground and explained I had already had 6 wks unpaid annual leave this year so was therefore taking no more!

The other parent had prior to contract suggested that a gradparent would help out with the children on occasion during the school holidays. I have one early years and one before and after school from this parent. I had agreed to this for the after schooler as at the time I was panicing at how I would cope during the holidays. But have now some how agreed to charging half during parent holidays for just the early years child (nothing for the school aged) and some of these holidays are during term time so im actually losing a lot of money. This parent gets 80% of my bill paid through tax credits My contract does state my normal hourly fee for parent holidays/occasional days off and child sickness but verbally I have been talked out of this. Grr im so cross with myself! Im worried that whenever this parent wants to save a bit of cash they will pass the kids over to the grandparents because im such a mug!

This has really bugged me over christmas so ive decided in my next newsletter to attach my payment policy for them to read again. To let them know my planned annual leave (does anyone know if legally we have to take a certain amount?) and make a point that I wont be taking anymore other than sickness/emergencies etc and also im putting my fee's up as of april. Im considering a daily rate for anone new who comes along, im wondering if this will stop people trying to save a few quid here or there by collecting early etc. Sorry for massive post! does anyone have any idea how I can straighten things out with these parents without falling out with them? Xxx

its a good idea to remind the parents of the payment policy and why not plan your yrs hols in jan then give all the parents a print out so you dont have to explain or be bullied into changing anything, ie you will not be available or contactable on the said dates.
it is hard if minding for a friend i used to and we are no longer friends thats how it ended up, she totally to the p... out of my good nature.
i think if your minding children people dot see it as a career more a little part time thing you do, but remind yourself you are a proffecional business woman and this is your living, dont get used there are plenty of parents who will need your services and will appreciate you. im a bit vexed luv cos ive been where you are, stick up for yourself, good friends would not treat you this way.

[DAYDREAMER]

Wow guys thanks for all the brilliant advice I knew as others have said that I was being too soft but it really helps having support from all your lovely selves. I know the tax credit situation isnt anything to do with me but it does as a tax payer get my back up a bit that a system that is their to make going to work a viable option for families on a low income is taken advantage of so often. Just get a bit cross that my ofsted no. (which we all worked hard to gain and keep) is being used to claim money that doesnt always get used to pay childcare bills! Anyway I will stop getting on my soap box about that, Im feeling much stronger about it and have decided if they can be hard faced so can I lol new year, new tougher me! Both parents in question need a new contract due to change of hours so it will give me a good chance to go through things with them again. I am just going to start work on my news letter in which I will be giving details of my planned annual leave for next yr (making a point that no more will be taken apart from emergencies!). I will also be attaching a copy of my payment policy, details of my planned fee increase for april and my if I say so myself glowing ofsted report that way they should hopefully see im worth paying properly for and well im sorry but if they dont (as much as I love the little ones), they will be free to seek another mug lol. I read that someone else prints their payment policy out on the back of their invoices, I love this idea and will give it a try I think!

Thanks again so much for all the brilliant help and advice

[manjay]

Sorry to contradict you Slimpickings but as Self Employed persons we are actually not entitled to holiday leave in the way you are implying. We do not accrue or earn holidays/time off as an employed person would. As S/E we can pick and choose our own working hours/days/times and as professionals we would need to ensure that we have been transparent with parents about it.

we are not even entitled to paid time off. NCMA recommends it but again it is down the individual to sort it out that suits them and their buisness.

I agree! I take about 6 weeks unpaid leave a year but personally I don't take any paid holiday. I usually take round about the same weeks each year but I provide families with a list in Jan of each year. I think you just have to bite the bullet and get tough. Unless you stick to your policies and procedures then parents will think that you are a pushover. I completely understand that is not easy to do and it did take me a while to feel comfortable with saying no. Now I always think "what is the worst that can happen?" in most cases it probably is that you would lose the child. If you can live with this then the rules should be easy to enforce.

Get the parents in for a chat and contract review and tell them how it is going to be from now on

Good luck xx