Termination before starting

[Kittycat]

As most of you know I had a few weeks ago an issue with a new parent who hadn't paid
Eventually they paid but I got such an attitude from dad that it's actually put me off having this child all together, at one point I dreaded an email in my inbox I case it was him.
It doesn't feel right & I am not looking forward to this child starting :-(and I feel I will be judged with everything I do with their child
They have given their nursery notice & due to start full time at the end if the month.
Has anyone ever been in this situation?
I have 2 new parents screaming at me for before and after school childcare
So I just wondered if I make the decision to terminate our contract how I would word it for a start & I know I would have to refund this months paid fees, but what would I do about the deposit? As that was to hold the space.
I would feel very bad letting the child start two weeks until the end of the month and then give notice

Help

[Kaybeaa]

Personally I'd nip it in the bud before the child's started with you as would be very unsettling for the child to get to know you and then stop going to you. If you really have a bad feeling about this, maybe mail the parents to tell them that your circumstances have changed and due to personal issues you'll not be able to provide care for the child. I'd imagine all the upfront fees plus deposit would have to be given back in this instance (apart from any care given that has been paid for) as it's not strictly the parents "fault" for terminating the agreement. (Even though it is, as had the dad not been so horrible you'd not be in this situation in the first place) x

[hectors house]

I would take on the child, hopefully the father has got over his issues now, be firm with them from the start and tell them that if doesn't work out within the first 4 weeks you can give them immediate notice (if you put that in the contract). Make sure they pay up front for care if that is what you are worried about. As a parent I would be livid to be given notice so short to the start date without a proper reason. And yes you would have to refund the deposit if you cancel on them as well as fees paid in advance, you are the one considering backing out of the contract.

[Koala]

I think I remember - are these the parents who weren't happy about the nursery??!! nudge, nudge, wink, wink

The cynic in me wanders what is the real issue - to be honest - if dad is such an about something so basic as paying you on the very first month at a new setting, I am sorry to say this does not bode well

Did he think you wouldn't want paying?
Is he the real reason lo left the previous setting? insulting behaviour will not be tolerated at nursery and nor should it be tolerated by anyone.

I think you need to put things straight and speak to both parents face to face and have in your hand a written warning about professional respect and what you expect from your parents and what you will NOT tolerate.

YOU are not dads stress relief toy - he needs to sort his own issues out and not bring them to your doorstep, you should not be afraid or made to feel vulnerable anywhere and especially in your own home. you should not need to cringe at the thought of contact with him. sort it out now otherwise it will ruin your work.

[bunyip]

How would you feel about starting out on a strictly trial basis?

you need a good 4 weeks' settling period in with either you or the family can give immediate notice. If unhappy during that time: terminate. If unsure, extent the 'settling/immediate notice' option for another 2-4 weeks until you are sure.

Can you keep the other enquiries 'on the back burner' whilst seeing how this one works out?

Just thoughts.

[JueQ]

Personally, I do not start contracts immediately. I usually give 2-4 week settling in which then gives me time to decide if things are working out. In your case, if I felt unsure and had problems from the start I would give notice now. Be honest. Tell him his behaviour and attitude were unacceptable and you feel you've got off to a bad start. Tell him you won't work under these circumstances. So many people think childminding is a bit of pocket money and you should be there at their beck and call. They'd soon be in a state if you failed to collect the child but they seem to think it's acceptable not to pay you for your time and costs. Whether you lose or gain business from other people, I would not deal with this person. No one speaks to me like that. I think you would be on edge constantly if the child stepped out of line. I have had problems in the past whereby I've had to confront parents with a problem. 9/10 they've appreciated my honesty and everything has been amicable. I did have one parent whose child lied constantly. He spoke to me and was a little out of sorts but then he was concerned with his child. We both agreed to end things and we are both on good speaking terms when we bump into one another at school. The child has gone to another childminder and they are welcome to them! I no longer have to deal with the parents or the child which I was starting to hate.

[Kittycat]

Personally, I do not start contracts immediately. I usually give 2-4 week settling in which then gives me time to decide if things are working out. In your case, if I felt unsure and had problems from the start I would give notice now. Be honest. Tell him his behaviour and attitude were unacceptable and you feel you've got off to a bad start. Tell him you won't work under these circumstances. So many people think childminding is a bit of pocket money and you should be there at their beck and call. They'd soon be in a state if you failed to collect the child but they seem to think it's acceptable not to pay you for your time and costs. Whether you lose or gain business from other people, I would not deal with this person. No one speaks to me like that. I think you would be on edge constantly if the child stepped out of line. I have had problems in the past whereby I've had to confront parents with a problem. 9/10 they've appreciated my honesty and everything has been amicable. I did have one parent whose child lied constantly. He spoke to me and was a little out of sorts but then he was concerned with his child. We both agreed to end things and we are both on good speaking terms when we bump into one another at school. The child has gone to another childminder and they are welcome to them! I no longer have to deal with the parents or the child which I was starting to hate.

We'll they start this Thursday & haven't even taken me up on the settling in visits I've offered
I feel very wrong having a child full time for 9+ hours when he barely knows me
& will be telling mum on Thursday that I will be treating this as a settling in visit to be fair to their child

Not looking forward to this one bit

[rickysmiths]

Having taken on a child who actually settled very well but had a nightmare father who I gave notice to in week two of the 4 week settling in period, I would say get out. If you have bad feelings about the parents now it doesn't matter if the child settles well you will always feel uneasy.

I would just write to them and say it is with regret due to unexpected family circumstances, you are no longer able to offer them a place. Enclose a cheque for the fees they have paid in advance and their Deposit if they paid one. Don't go into any more detail. Short and to the point. Everything in writing so you have a record of what you did when, not an email and I would hand deliver the letter to their house taking someone else with me so they can confirm when you delivered the letter.

Always remember a parent wouldn't think twice about giving you notice if it suited them and you are just as entitled to give notice.

[JueQ]

We'll they start this Thursday & haven't even taken me up on the settling in visits I've offered
I feel very wrong having a child full time for 9+ hours when he barely knows me
& will be telling mum on Thursday that I will be treating this as a settling in visit to be fair to their child

Not looking forward to this one bit

Hi, sorry I didn't realise I'd replied to you on this thread as I've just replied on another!

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Crikey you lot are harsh

Has anyone thought about the fact that the parents had to pay two lots of fees upfront?

If I had an uneasy feeling it would have been when I met them, not because of money (I do understand this reservation though) and I would be looking at taking the child on and seeing how I went in the settling in period.

As a parent I would not be happy to be treated like this (assuming you didn't start) and think of what they could do to your reputation.

My suggestion is a meeting with the parents and as soon as possible. Be upfront, explain that you are unsure of how things are going to go and state it is because of the late payment, tell them that you don't want to take a child on and then have to let the child and the parents down. Tell them you want a settling in period, don't give them an option. If they can answer your questions and you are happy then move forward and if not offer them a cheque there and then for the months monies and deposit paid before they leave.

Be assertive, set you stall, it is your business.

[Koala]

Having taken on a child who actually settled very well but had a nightmare father who I gave notice to in week two of the 4 week settling in period, I would say get out. If you have bad feelings about the parents now it doesn't matter if the child settles well you will always feel uneasy.

I would just write to them and say it is with regret due to unexpected family circumstances, you are no longer able to offer them a place. Enclose a cheque for the fees they have paid in advance and their Deposit if they paid one. Don't go into any more detail. Short and to the point. Everything in writing so you have a record of what you did when, not an email and I would hand deliver the letter to their house taking someone else with me so they can confirm when you delivered the letter.

Always remember a parent wouldn't think twice about giving you notice if it suited them and you are just as entitled to give notice.

Definitely agree, I can't tell you how many times (too many) I have said "the biggest problems I have is with the parents" when people have asked how difficult it is looking after small children. from what you have said this whole scenario sounds doomed. Good for you for trying but don't be under any illusion (I don't think you are) that this is going to be an easy ride if you go ahead. It will be an experience anyway and we can but learn from them. good luck

[lynnfi]

Crikey you lot are harsh

Has anyone thought about the fact that the parents had to pay two lots of fees upfront?

If I had an uneasy feeling it would have been when I met them, not because of money (I do understand this reservation though) and I would be looking at taking the child on and seeing how I went in the settling in period.

As a parent I would not be happy to be treated like this (assuming you didn't start) and think of what they could do to your reputation.

My suggestion is a meeting with the parents and as soon as possible. Be upfront, explain that you are unsure of how things are going to go and state it is because of the late payment, tell them that you don't want to take a child on and then have to let the child and the parents down. Tell them you want a settling in period, don't give them an option. If they can answer your questions and you are happy then move forward and if not offer them a cheque there and then for the months monies and deposit paid before they leave.

Be assertive, set you stall, it is your business.

I am not sure the real problem is about the money but rather about a pretty bad feeling for the future due to dad's reaction and the way he treated her.
Since after a few days the feeling is still there, I would label it as instinct telling her to back off before troubles really begin. She obviously wouldn't feel relaxed and happy about having to deal with the parent, and thus not completely happy about caring for the child, which would inturn probably mean the child might not be happy 100% if stressed feelings are in the air.

Sometimes you have to follow your guts, even if there is no 100% good explanation for how you feel. You just know. And seeing the dad's reaction, I would avoid confrontation. No need to throw the hook and get angered feelings in front of you.

Although if parents were sensible you way, it seems to me, would be very honest and ideal. Just a thought

[bunyip]

I agree with Chatterbox: a face-to-face, card-on-the-table meeting with the client would be my preferred way forward.

I'm in 2 minds on the point about the money-up front. I tend to see both sides of this, either cos I'm a Libran or a Contrarian (does that make me a libra-rian? ) I do think 2 months' money is a lot to pay up front for anything: whether it's childcare, rent or (in my case) fees for my senior citizens' pole-dancing classes . However, I also think parents ought to be a lot more realistic about the cost and responsibilities of having and raising a child. At the risk of sounding rather like the tabloid Tories I despise, a lot of people seem to think they have a right to bonk&produce, then simply whine about the cost of it all. Maybe it's just cos I'm a MOG.

IIRC from the previous thread and OP, these parents had several weeks to get the money together and still dragged their heels without even bothering to be honest with the CM about possibly delay or likely settlement date.

Even Nature gives 9 month's notice of likely childcare needs. Somehow, and all too often, the small matter of a child's needs never seems to get in the way of modern life's essentials: i-phone, beach holiday, hair&beauty, new shoes, blah-di-blah.

Better go now, matron is coming with my tablets......