Jealousy

[halor]

Hi all,
I look after siblings, little girl who is almost 4 and her 1 year old sister. The older girl is struggling with jealousy towards her sibling, whilst not aggressive it is starting to seem quite extreem. She is a different little girl if her sibling isn't there. Does anyone have any strategies or ideas on how I can help them both? They are both very sweet little girls but I know the issue is affecting home life more and more. There is a 2.5 year age gap.

I always make sure to include and also spend one on one time, I could do with some fresh ideas though. I know you lovely peeps will have things that will help :-)

[Merlot]

People always ask me if I do discount for siblings. NO! We should charge double as they are a pain!

What are parents doing at home? It's good to try different approaches in your setting but if parents are letting them do whatever then you're wasting your time. Have you spoken to parents?

I would talk to the 4 yo and discuss the fact she is a big girl and her sister is a baby. Talk to her about what she would like to do and encourage her by giving her some little jobs and areas of responsibility - helping set the table choosing an activity you could all do etc. Go to the library and get books on families and siblings and read them.

I have a 4 yo ad 1 yo too and my problem is that the older child wants to be in charge and thinks that because it's their sibling they are in charge and not me and sometimes (unintentionally) hurts the LO. The 4 yo wants to pick up the baby but isn't big enough so has to be told and reasons explained why.

Good luck!

[halor]

Yes, parents are mirroring at home, they are really good for being on the same wavelength. I've done all of that, except the books, so maybe time is the answer. I'm going to look online for some resources and try and incorporate into craft etc.

My kids are horrendous at times but never been this bad, there's the same gap between them. The older sister wants constant attention which just isn't possible. She will constantly do things like 'look what I can do Lisa' whilst lifting her foot up or clapping. I recently went to a play that my 5 year old daughters class were doing. Even in there, whilst everyone was quiet watching she was saying 'look at me Lisa, look at me' because I had sister on my lap. She is a lovely child but the first 'sneaky' one I have had, she can be quite destructive.

She does get lots of attention here and at home otherwise I would link into home. It's all very odd indeed x

[smurfette]

Has her sister just started walking? Sometimes the developmental milestones where the older one feels threatened because baby is starting to do what they are can cause this. But it should settle down. Can you encourage more play together maybe she would enjoy setting stuff up for baby and her to do together? Sounds like she is getting loads of attention.. Sounds very frustrating !!

[BallyH]

On youtube or you could get the book, there is a wonderful clip about a little Zebra. The book is called 'Za Za's baby brother' and it shows how he is jealous and fed up of being pushed to one side because of the new demanding arrival. Then one day mummy zebra suggests he plays with the baby and it ends beautifully. So maybe or maybe not, something like this may if you help it to show her.

[halor]

Thanks guys, I have to admit it is rather frustrating. The older one doesn't have anything to be jealous of. Parents are great and we work well in partnership. They know I won't pander to it just the same as they wont. The little girls are with their grandparents for 2 days a week, unfortunately Gran looks after one and grandad the other and they go off and do separate things which I think is one of the major contributing factors to this. Grandparents are, what grandparents normally are, more relaxed about rules regarding food etc.

They are lovely little girls and I enjoy their company, I'm going to stay consistent with them and I've spoken to both parents and said if there's anything they would like me to try then it's something I'll consider.

It's just so frustrating as all the usual things I would do to help don't work :-/

[greenfaerie]

I had a situation like this a couple of months ago. I found the book "Too Small For Honey Cake" particularly useful, as it deals with an older sibling not adjusting well to having a new baby in the family. It's quite a beautiful story too.