Sharing problems - I have a big pusher : (

**Sweetpea** · 11-09-2013, 12:28 PM

Hello

My TTO mindee has returned with a new habit of pushing any child that comes near him while he is playing with a toy as he doesn't want to share. He then either cries/has a tantrum so much I can't explain what he did wrong or runs off and has a tantrum as his way of avoiding the situation

I know it is a typical phase of a 2yr old. But I want to help the parents come up with a consistent approach & wording of how to deal with it.......but my mind has gone totally blank

Any ideas of suitable phrases, methods, web resources or anything?

many many thanks

Sweetpea

**Sweetpea** · 11-09-2013, 05:05 PM

Has anyone got any advice they could offer or how to deal with this situation?

Pleeeaaase x

**sarah707** · 11-09-2013, 05:12 PM

I would call a meeting with parents and talk it through... how are they managing the behaviour at home? Are they aware of the impact it has in a group provision?

Explain that you all need to support the lo to find another way to express his emotions - does he have enough words / understanding for it to be a verbal solution or would you be better using signing / non verbal cues?

It's often best not to focus on the behaviour especially if children are doing it for effect. Remove the child from the upset, give attention to the child who is hurt - explain gently and quietly why it is wrong using the same positive words 'we are kind to our friends' or 'all toys belong to xx and I share'.

Hopefully he will realise that he's not getting the attention he craves and will find another way to deal with his outbursts.

Hugs xx

**Sweetpea** · 11-09-2013, 06:18 PM

Thanks, ill try this

**MAWI** · 13-09-2013, 09:05 PM

Does Mindee have older siblings? Some kids have rough and tumble pay at home too! I had this problem once and it emerged that they 'play fighted' with older brothers. Just a thought but yes also difficult as they cannot always verbally communicate Their needs. Good advice from Sarah

**chez** · 14-09-2013, 06:11 AM

Edited as I realised this is in a public area

**CH1957** · 14-09-2013, 07:57 AM

I have one (who happens to be my grandson!) who is going through this stage and has been for about 4 months. I know my daughter has the same approach as me at home - we have been doing exactly what Sarah does, but still he has carried on.
A couple of weeks ago I changed how I deal with it and this seems to be working - I can tell when he is going to push or pull hair etc as his face changes so before he has a chance to actually do it I say "that's right give her/him a nice big cuddle and a kiss" It totally deflects the situation and he happily cuddles the other child instead of pushing. He now gives cuddles and kisses even if another LO has fallen over etc so I think we have cracked it

Simona · 06-10-2013, 09:07 PM

2 y olds find it difficult to share, it is more a question of 'taking turns' which is more complicated but is achieved over time
At that age children are totally 'egocentric' and like their own space to play and extend their learning without anyone coming along and taking their toys from them...look it up and it will offer you solutions on how to deal with the situation

It is a very well know phase in their development...any good book on the subject will help you....look up Tina Bruce and many others experts in the field.