View Full Version : Do your own children feel 'pushed out' when you are minding?

04-04-2012, 07:09 AM
Previously I've always taken on children close to my daughter's age (3 yrs) and she has loved it, but now I've just taken on a baby with whom she has nothing in common. It's only been a couple of days but DD is really quite down. I know it's all part of life and growing up but I was wondering if anyone has any tips on helping her with the adjustment. I think at the moment she sees the baby as taking up all of my time and she's having to think about her own behaviour more, ie not charging around when he is on the floor, being quieter duting nap times etc. Even my husband has noticed that she's not been herself in the evenings - very clingy towards me etc.

I'm thinking of giving her special mummy time when he's asleep and letting her choose how we spend that time. I'm also trying to get her involved with simple baby chores etc. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want him to come tomorrow and that she doesn't like him (not in a 'bratty' way, in a sad way). Any tips? x

04-04-2012, 07:21 AM
I put my dd into pre-school 2 monrings a week so she could socialise with children of her own age. This has helped her enormously and she loves going. I know its hard as they are a bit too young to understand why they can only have you to themselves at certain times! It will pass and soon she'll look forward to your mindees coming!!

04-04-2012, 07:29 AM
Its very early days , bless her she just needs a little time to get used to the idea! Extra mummy time when hes asleep and praising all her helping will definitely help..Im sure she'll be besotted with baby in no time.

The Juggler
04-04-2012, 07:35 AM
my dd was 2 when I started and is now 10. She can swing from being the best helper, the leader of activities, best friend to everyone else here to 'you don't love me as much as them mummy' in the space of a day - even now she's 10.

it's hard honey and your dd is only 3 so a baby will take up a lot of your time and need you more but she will get used to it. get her to help you too ;) just think if you were not minding you'd probably be out at work and not with her. :)

04-04-2012, 07:59 AM
What she is going through is what every child goes through when a new sibling comes along - its just harder to watch when the baby isn't your own child! You are doing everything right and I am sure things will settle soon. Playgroups and toddler groups will give her time with children her own age ... so too would be taking on another child her age - if you have the energy! Get her to help with the baby - passing you things at feeding/nappy changing etc or seeing if you can make the baby laugh etc

I would also get a travel cot to keep in the lounge so you are not putting him down on the floor so much. Babies like to lie safely and watch other children play.

04-04-2012, 05:46 PM
Thanks guys. We had a better day today, although I couldn't hide my irritation when she woke him up by squealling as she walked past his room. She saw that I was irritated and her face dropped and I felt bad, but hey we all got over it!

04-04-2012, 07:44 PM
Sorry to sound pessimistic but from 22 years experience and having 3 of my own children unfortunately this is something that happens throughout our childminding careers. It can be difficult no matter how old our own children are, my middle one (now in his twenties) was 14 and not happy that siblings were arriving early the contract was only for a few months but they had breakfast this meant they were here when he woke in the mornings. He didnt tell me how he felt until they had left and I felt terrible. I started this job when he was 3 so i really didnt expect him to feel so put out by these early starts.

It can also be difficult watching your old children in a school concert with babies and toddlers so at times you cant give full concentration. However on a brighter note I became a childminder so I could be at home with my own children and that was and remains so important for me and my youngest is now 18!

05-04-2012, 04:32 PM
My ds is nearly 12 and although he says hes fine with things I know hw would still love it if he didn't have to share me, but he copes quite well and sometimes he's a help with them and other times more of a hinderance but it's difficult to pull him up on things without him being negative but we are getting their. I have only been doing this for 18 months, I keep reminding him it's better I am around for him than having to ship him off to relatives because I have to go to a job elswhere and he agrees with this, it just takes time.:thumbsup:

05-04-2012, 06:03 PM
My little boy is three and a half and finds it difficult. To be honest he is better with the 9 month old I mind than any of the older ones. He loves the baby to bits and I think he thinks he is like a big brother. But with the 7 and 9 year olds they do torment each other I find all day. Which can be very tiring and wearing, I think it is hard for the mindees when they dont have any younger siblings as well.