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View Full Version : Mindee doesn't eat!



louby
19-03-2012, 01:55 PM
I really need some help on this so will be very grateful if anyone can! I have looked after * who is 4, since December 11 and i provide dinner and tea 3 days a week. At the time of filling out forms mum said he was a really good eater. The past 3 weeks he hasn't eaten any tea at all and just saying he doesn't want it. Another child has picked up on this and has occasionally said well if * doesn't have to eat then I don't want my tea either. Due to the other child copying * behaviour I sent a letter to all parents stating that I only provide 1 meal which is changed slightly for child's likes/dislikes and I understand not all children will like what's offered. I cook for 6 children and 2 adults. Also no dessert is given if children don't eat there tea. Last week myself and mum agreed to do a food diary for a month to see if there was any pattern as to why * doesn't eat and said if things dont improve then I will not provide tea anymore so the other children know the reason * isn't eating is because he has tea at home. Mum is not happy with this outcome and seems to think its not her problem that her son doesn't eat and I have just found out she hasn't completed the food diary. I'm really annoyed as I'm trying to help but it's like mum can't be bothered but still expects me to provide tea for son when it's affecting the other children. I'm at my wits end and feel very uncomfortable seeing a child picking at food and clearly not enjoying eating. * is fine eating dinner, mainly sandwichs mum says all he eats at home for tea is sandwichs!
If any one can give me any advice I would be very grateful and sorry it's long winded!

rosebud
19-03-2012, 05:30 PM
He won't starve himself and the more he sees you worrying about it the more he'll play on it. In my house the meal goes on the table and everybody sits down to eat, if they choose not to eat I don't make a fuss about it but they are still expected to sit at the table with everybody else. (I currently have a 2 year old who would rather go and play than eat but he is still expected to sit at the table even if he doesn't want to eat.) When everybody else is finished he can leave the table. I also don't give pudding if they refuse to eat any of the meal (don't expect them to eat it all though), I know some think this is wrong but it feels right to me and is consistently applied so children know what to expect. The thing to remember is that he won't starve himself and if mum isn't worried then you shouldn't be either. I think the food diary was a really good idea but if mum can't be bothered then you've already done what you can.

Helen79
19-03-2012, 07:56 PM
Could you put bread rolls out alongside his tea (limit it to 1 per child though, my 2 would stuff themselves with bread before eating their dinner) so he's at least eating something. If he's not used to having a cooked meal at home and is just used to sandwiches then he might not be comfortable eating a hot meal at yours. Maybe try things like soup with toast, dippy eggs, beans on toast so he's still having the bread he's used to but with something else. It might encourage him to try other meals once he gets used to eating a hot meal at your house.

Does he have a school dinner? If dd has a school dinner she sometimes doesn't want another cooked meal so we either have sandwiches or a light dinner like scrambled egg.

singingcactus
19-03-2012, 08:01 PM
Could be that having so much attention and focus on him while he eats and about his eating is killing his appetite. Some people simply cannot eat in front of others. Perhaps you could serve him only the tiniest of portions so he stands a chance of having a successful meal, obviously allowing him more if he asks.
I know it is hard sometimes to not get upset when children eat, but just don't let it worry you. If he is eating aside from this one meal a day, then just continue to offer the food but allow him to get down once he's done. Or have a distraction available if you make him sit at the table till everyone has done. This will take the emphasis off his not eating and focus it somewhere else, maybe giving him some breathing space to eat a little bit more.

ChocolateChip
19-03-2012, 10:13 PM
If he is used to sandwiches is his reluctance due to not being able to use a knife and fork?

gegele
20-03-2012, 07:41 AM
He won't starve himself and the more he sees you worrying about it the more he'll play on it. In my house the meal goes on the table and everybody sits down to eat, if they choose not to eat I don't make a fuss about it but they are still expected to sit at the table with everybody else. (I currently have a 2 year old who would rather go and play than eat but he is still expected to sit at the table even if he doesn't want to eat.) When everybody else is finished he can leave the table. I also don't give pudding if they refuse to eat any of the meal (don't expect them to eat it all though), I know some think this is wrong but it feels right to me and is consistently applied so children know what to expect. The thing to remember is that he won't starve himself and if mum isn't worried then you shouldn't be either. I think the food diary was a really good idea but if mum can't be bothered then you've already done what you can.

exactly same here. Lunch/diner you sit, you eat you eat, you don't you don't but no pudding. parents know.:thumbsup:

miffy
20-03-2012, 07:48 AM
If he doesn't eat with you at teatime what happens when he gets home? Does mum then give him food to eat? Maybe that's why he's not eating with you - he knows mum will give him something later.

I think I'd have another word with mum but if you can't get her onside with this then I'd tell her I was no longer providing tea as it is just being wasted and is disrupting the other children. She may not like that but if she won't work with you on this I don't think you've got much option.

Miffy xx

VeggieSausage
20-03-2012, 08:45 AM
I think try and see if there is any way of it working, children do go through funny phases, maybe just not that hungry at the mo. Could you get them to help you make tea, or ask them what they would like just to break the pattern. I sometimes do a picnic type tea for picky eaters (and everyone else) and all seem to love it.....I know it can be disruptive for the others, give them lots of praise for eating beautifully and I agree he won't let himself starve so not to worry :)

AliceK
20-03-2012, 09:46 AM
He won't starve himself and the more he sees you worrying about it the more he'll play on it. In my house the meal goes on the table and everybody sits down to eat, if they choose not to eat I don't make a fuss about it but they are still expected to sit at the table with everybody else. (I currently have a 2 year old who would rather go and play than eat but he is still expected to sit at the table even if he doesn't want to eat.) When everybody else is finished he can leave the table. I also don't give pudding if they refuse to eat any of the meal (don't expect them to eat it all though), I know some think this is wrong but it feels right to me and is consistently applied so children know what to expect. The thing to remember is that he won't starve himself and if mum isn't worried then you shouldn't be either. I think the food diary was a really good idea but if mum can't be bothered then you've already done what you can.

I agree with this and this is what I do too. If anyone doesn't eat they stay at the table until the meal time is over. I will give fruit afterwards whether they have eaten or not but nothing else and with my own children if they haven't made a good effort they know they won't be getting any biscuits / chocolate later when I finish work. Children do go though phases of not eating though and I've had a lot of experience with this as my DD had a food phobia 3 years ago (she didn't eat a hot meal for 2 years :eek: ) I dealt with a child psycologist about it and the advice I received made me not worry and stress about this type of thing. I now don't make any fuss if a child doesn't want to eat. They will eat when they are ready. I would keep mum informed in writing as to what he's eaten / not eaten but I wouldn't worry too much at this point.

xxxx

louby
20-03-2012, 07:43 PM
Thank you very much for all your replies never posted on a forum before might do it more often! I do most of what's been mentioned in the replies - all sit together at the table, he only has a very small portion of food so he's not pressured and everyone waits at the table if they have eaten or not all the parents and children know dessert is not offered unless most of the meal has been eaten my own children 6 & 2 get treated the same (even when no minders there) so its always consistent. Mum says he doesn't eat at home if he hasn't eaten with me he also has lunch with me which he will eat but usually takes around an hour to finish. I dont worry if he eats or not and dont make a fuss of him as i dont want him having any issues with food but i just dont want the other children to start copying. It's the 2nd week of food diary so will see how things go for the rest of the month. Thanks again x