Would you tell mum?

[buzzy bee]

2 year old mindee threw a toy car at my DS's head this morning.

Would you tell mum?

I get the feeling she thinks they don't get on, because whenever she drops mindee off or picks him up, my DS is either grumpy cos he's just woken up and had a load of children descend on him or is grumpy cos it's nearly bedtime. So he's always snatching toys off mindee etc.

She tends to stay for a while and the things she says to DS and the things her OH has said to me just give me the impression they think he's a mini thug!!

So I don't want it to sound like "do you know what your child did to my child" - cos it could have been anyone, not just DS if you see what I mean...

[AgentTink]

Could you not just saying something along lines of "we have had some issues today with x throwing toys at other children. This is how i dealt with it, just so you know."

[EmmaReed84]

If it was me, personally I wouldn't say anything (if it was a minor incident). However I would talk about good things so when your child and mindee do something really nice together.

My DS and mindee are really close and they fight like brothers but on the other hand get on so well, when parent comes to collect you can bet there is an issue of some sort regarding the boys but it is to be expected. I tell parent about the times when they play so nicely, or when they started playschool and DS really looked after mindee.

I think telling them more "bad" things could just make them feel worse. But that is just my opinion.

If it was a big thing, or it left a mark then I would mention it. But again not make too big of a deal about it.

[rosebud]

I wouldn't tell mum unless it was a major incident. I only tell them about "Bad" behaviour if it is exceptionally bad for that child. I feel its my job to manage their behaviour and whilst parents should be informed they don't need to know every little thing.

[buzzy bee]

I wouldn't tell mum unless it was a major incident. I only tell them about "Bad" behaviour if it is exceptionally bad for that child. I feel its my job to manage their behaviour and whilst parents should be informed they don't need to know every little thing.


Would throwing a car at someone else's head be classed as exceptionally bad?

I've never mentioned anything to her in the past, but to me this seems pretty bad...

[rosebud]

Depends on his intention I suppose. Could it have been an accident? I don't think I would tell her unless it continues, then I would and say that this is the issue and this is how I'm dealing with it, I would expect them to back me up then.

[buzzy bee]

Well I didn't tell her...

but it was deliberate. He throws toys a lot but has never done this before. He'd just tried to take a car off DS and DS said "no" so he looked at him and screamed, then threw the car at him. So it was as deliberate as a 2 year old can be!!

I'll just see how it goes.

Thanks for the advice peeps!

[sarah707]

You could explain to mum that you think her child is starting to explore a trajectory (throwing) schema and are directing his learning towards appropriate things to throw such as soft balls and paper balled up.

Ask if she has noticed it at home and what she does to support him to learn about what is safe / not safe to throw.

Hth :D

[sillysausage]

You could explain to mum that you think her child is starting to explore a trajectory (throwing) schema and are directing his learning towards appropriate things to throw such as soft balls and paper balled up.

Just what I was going to say Sarah :)

Please remember 2 yr olds are very rarely malicious. Yes they may hit out, nip, bite, pull hair, throw things etc but it is usually a reactionary thing in response to something not going their way- X has the toy I want- rather than a conscious thought of 'I'm going to hurt X'.
When the child throws something inappropriate (eg hard cars) then you need to explain why they shouldn't do it ie. it is hard, it hurts, it might break something it hits and then direct them to something more appropriate such as Sarah's suggested soft balls or screwed up paper. I find this method of dealing with inappropriate toddler behaviours extremely effective and rarely have children who repeatedly do things just because they know they shouldn't (or even throw tantrums). Also bear in mind that toddlers understand far more than they can vocalise. Every 'No' deserves an explanation why, whatever the age of the child, it acknowledges their feelings and teaches respect.
If a child in my setting hurts another child (accidentally or on purpose) then they are encouraged to say sorry by whatever age related means is appropriate to them. For toddlers this is usually a cuddle (or a stroke on the arm/shoulder/back) because they know that when they've been hurt they get a cuddle and it makes them feel better.....early empathy. Actions speak louder than words. The word 'sorry' often has little meaning to preschool children, but they all understand a cuddle.

[buzzy bee]

Thanks...

My issue wasn't how to deal with it - I'm happy with how I dealt with it which was pretty much as you said - explained why it was wrong, encouraged them to cuddle (im not a fan of "sorry" because i dont think they fully understand it so i usually encourage them to do something kind instead) and found him something new to play with...

And I know 2 year olds aren't really malicious which is why I said "as deliberate as a 2 year old can be"

My issue was simply whether or not this was something a parent needed to know about.