Potty training AGAIN

[NicoleW]

I have a 2.5 year old (3 in July).

He has been with me a month now, when he first started his mother informed that he uses the potty and the toilet at home and is dry about 80% of the time.

However when at mine he gets really distressed when I suggest the potty or toilet, Dad drops him off in a nappy - I immediately change him into pants.

Every single day this week he hasn't had an accident, however he hasn't peed all day! Yesterday was 6:30am - 4:00pm he held his wee in, I gave him blackcurrent to drink as it irritates the bladder so helps him wee more, thus me giving him more praise for using the potty and reinforcing the behaviour.

Yesterday, he was walking to school clenching his legs together and I kept saying "do you need the potty/toilet?" "do you need a wee?" And he kept saying "no". I got him back to mine and got him to sit on the potty, he screamed but I made him sit there for 3 or 4 minutes while he was screaming for his Daddy, "daddy cuddle!". He weed, first one EVER at my house about a tiny trickle? Anyway regardless of amount I praised, sticker on his chart, chocolate biscuit lots of hugs. 10 minutes later he finished off the wee in his trousers, but he doesn't mind being wet he'll just sit there and not tell me. SO I said "uh oh nevermind quick let's get you out of those wet clothes" Had to put a nappy on him cos they packed no spare underwear.


His mum says he doesn't have any accidents at home, but when I asked Dad (who does picking up and dropping off) he admits it's still hit and miss at home?

I could just perservere and keep him in undies all day at my house and ask him not to pack any nappies and to bring him with underwear on, he's going to do himself some major problems if he keeps holding his wee in though. Monday he kept it in all day and apparently as soon as he set foot into his house he weed all over the floor, Dad says there were huge amounts.

Anyone got any tips? He needs to learn to use the potty I agree, but he seems genuinely fearful of it, shall I get a toilet seat and use the toilet instead? Shall I make him sit on the potty every hour or so for 10 minutes?

[lauren1979]

My son did this, would basically hold it in all day until he wet himself. the way we got round it was taking all our nagging/mentioning away - I know it's hard when they are squirming!

Say 'You are a clever boy, you know when you need a wee, take yourself or ask for my help OK?' Offer that he can stand if he wants, try putting food dye in the loo he can aim at if he wants...pottys can be v uncomfy I think. Then let him do it in his own time. But keep in pants, swapping between one and another is just confusing. Obviously parents would need to adopt this strategy too!

If after a week of this I'd suggest going back in nappies for a month or so, pressure off.

[stargazer1]

My daughter used to do that, she could literally hold it all day. She seemed to not like the potty for some reason and was "better" on a trainer seat on the toilet. Still took a good couple of months tho, I worried myself sick thinking she was going to do herself a mischief if she kept holding her wee in, and then just as I was thinking I needed to ask the dr/health visitor, she just started going all the time. Not very helpful I know, but maybe its just a phase. As hes only been with you a month, perhaps as he settles more he will get more and more comfortable. (Would be slightly peeved to be honest at the mixed messages from Mum and Dad. Why not just be honest???) x

[funemnx]

I had a little fella do this last year, he was about the same age and used to say he'll wait till mummy comes and he did. Mum and dad were very good though and didn't bring him in nappies and packed changes of clothes!

I don't know how they manage to hold on to be honest, I know I couldn't! :laughing:

I didn't use to ask him if he needed to go very often to be honest, just used to take him to the loo and give him the choice of potty or toilet. It is a phase some of them go through and doesn't usually last long.

Write in the diary asking parents not to bring him in a nappy is he's potty trained

[JCrakers]

my mindee used to do this...hold it all day

We decided to leave it for a couple of months and try again...worked a treat.

I dont think its a good time to start by the sounds of it....i would suggest leaving it for a couple of months.

[MAWI]

Personally I wild leave to for a few months, then he maybe more ready.

[buzzy bee]

I'm no expert but it doesn't sound like he's ready to me. If Dad is dropping him off in a nappy I'd leave him in nappies for the day!!

I have a few parents who are "potty training" at the moment which to them means they ask continuously if they need a wee, sit little one on the potty every hour and sometimes they wee / poo sometimes they don't. Personally I don't see the point until the child is telling parents / me they need a wee / poo, wanting to use the potty / loo and doing them on there!!

But like I said I am not an expert!

[jane5]

Is he your only mindee?

I havnt got time to sit a lo on the toilet for 10 mins to try and make them have a wee, I have other lo's needing my attention and I would not be happy with a lo weeing in pants in my home.........not very hygienic for the other lo's either.

Personally I would keep him in nappies, sounds like thats what they do at home if he arrives in a nappy every day, dad doesnt want him weeing in the car.
It sounds like he is not ready yet and may be ready in a month or two.

I dont potty train lo's, thats the parents job but I will support the training if the lo asks to use the potty or toilet and only has the occasional accident. A child that holds it in and doesnt ask to use the potty or toilet and has to be made to sit on the potty until they wee is not potty trained or ready in my opinion.

[NicoleW]

I have one mindee (14 month) on a monday and tuesday, and then just A monday to friday.

Tbh he holds it in so much, all this week he only had one accident which his trousers soaked up.

I spoke to mum this evening, she's asked how his behaviour was because he was awful at home (her words not mine!) and I said he's really good here, always does as he is told, uses manners without me asking him, shares very well, walks everywhere etc. I've given them a copy of his reward chart and stickers here so he gets the same at home, and my friend is giving me her old toilet training seat which is a Cars one (and he LOVES cars) because his mum said he goes on the toilet there as well as the potty, so hopefully this will help.

I've asked mum to send him to me in pants, and not to pack any nappies. And I suggested it might be easier if he only has one on before he goes to bed, so he gets used to not having one on because I think the main reason why he holds his wee is because he knows he is going to get a nappy on. Mum always puts one on when they go out and go for a nap and I suggested not to do it so it's the same at home and here and she was very keen and grateful which is nice.


Let's see what the rest of the week brings :)

[NicoleW]

I dont potty train lo's, thats the parents job but I will support the training if the lo asks to use the potty or toilet and only has the occasional accident. A child that holds it in and doesnt ask to use the potty or toilet and has to be made to sit on the potty until they wee is not potty trained or ready in my opinion.

When he started mum said he was almost potty trained, she said "In a space of a week he'll probably have one accident, but he always takes himself to the potty or toilet when he needs it" - I believe she may have been stretching the truth just a little bit.

I personally don't think he is ready, and I'm going to give it another two weeks and if his attitude is the same regarding potty/toilet I will suggest to parent that it might be helpful if he goes back into nappies for a couple of months and we try again.

[blue bear]

My current mindee wouldn't use potty or toliet at mine but would at home, finally cracked it by getting him to wee standing up, at first I'd hold the potty up for him but quickly moved to toilet.

[NicoleW]

HE DID IT!!!

His parents brought him in pants, so I didn't need to change him causing him to get upset - I just got him to sit on the potty and he protested, crying his eyes out but I did my best to ignore it and he did a massive wee!! Well proud :) Lots of praise and cuddles and he chose his stickers to wear on his jumper for it and his mood is slightly improving too :)

[sophia36]

It seems to me you are doing all you can and he will get there!:thumbsup:

Just a thought if he's dry 8o% of time at home why does dad bring him in a nappy!