Bit new to all this, what to do?

[Brisk]

Hi all, this is my first post - yay!

I've not been registered very long and have been lucky enough to get a 1 year old mindee for four days a week, who has been with me for nearly a month.

He's a nice enough child but he's quite quiet and doesn't really smile much. He needs a lot of attention and picking up and being held to go to sleep. This would be ok were it not for my lo, who is a very bright girl of 2. She has a very regular routine and sticks to it very well, and she's finding it very hard to understand why he seems so miserable and why he seems to need so much attention. She's good with him for the most part but occasionally gives him a little push.

His parents don't seem to have prepared him very well for being here - he went mad the first time I put him down outdoors and it was only later that I found out he'd never been put down out of doors before! He seems to find the world all a bit much and I'm finding it hard to know what to do. His parents also haven't properly established a routine with him and it's as if they expect me to do it, and then that can just do as they please at the weekends, which then means I have to start all over again at the beginning of the week. I'm worried that it's not good for my lo. She particularly doesn't like seeing me cuddle him to sleep, and to be honest I don't want to be, but he screams his head off if I leave him alone. Is it fair for me to leave him to cry it out? It seems that his parents rush to him the minute he makes a noise, which is obviously fine when he's at home, but hard to manage when you have another child to look after. I'd like to take on more but I can't see how I can when he needs so much attention.

Phew, sorry that was a long post, but I'm feeling a bit at sea. Any advice?

xx

[~Chelle~]

Time to get tough. All the time you are cuddling him to sleep or picking him up when he wants, he will expect it more and more.

It always takes children a little while to settle into new surroundings but I would start as you mean to go on.

I had a total cling on of a mindee who would only go to sleep when cuddled ect and it was emotionally and physically draining.

So I spoke to mum and we both agreed to let him cry it out but reassure him that I was there. Obviously not let him scream his lungs out for hours on end but kind of like the supernanny technique of settling him back down in the cot and walking away and saying nothing. In the end, it took a week or so and he would start to settle himself down in the cot on his own.

As for being put down outside, try doing some activities with him in the garden and be close by him, to reassure him that he is ok.

The key thing here is to speak to the parents. Do you keep a daily diary?? I would refer them to the daily dairy, so that they can see what his routine is and as them to follow it at home at the weekends.

It will be hard for everyone to start with, but hopefully with a bit of perseverance he will soon settle and become happier with his routine x

[VINASOL]

Chelle has given good advice (as always :blush:), and I will probably get virtually shot for this, but parents of new mindees (12m and 24m) are not in a routine either.

I can't give advice re your own lo's feelings about cuddling mindee when it's time for sleep, but for my 24m old who still needs a nap during the day. There's no way he will let me cuddle him and obviously doesn't have a bottle, but he does need to sleep.

So, I've noted the 'warning signs' and I simply go out for a short walk in the buggy and for me that does the trick - mindee goes off within five or 10 mins. Parents are fine with this. And it's rare that both mindees are asleep at the same time lol.

Just another thought that might make things easier (sorry if no-one agrees :()

[blue bear]

My mindee who has always been cuddled to sleep, sleeps in the pram right next to me. I couldn't cuddle her to sleep but neither could I key her scream so the pram was the compromise.
At first I would walk her round and round the garden with 3x2year olds following me with dolls in pushchairs lol. Now she gies in and settles herself to sleep no trouble, sleeps for over an hour and a is happy and settled little girl.

[Brisk]

Hi lovelies - thanks for taking the time to reply.

This is all great advice. Plus I spoke to his mum tonight too and she has agreed that it is ok to let him cry for a little while while keeping an eye on him. I did have to let him cry for a few minutes earlier while I put my lo down and while it wasn't great, when I came back to him he was able to calm himself in the cot and eventually managed to get himself off so I will continue with this method and see how it goes, he had just had lunch so I think that helped.

He had been falling asleep in the pushchair and staying asleep for over an hour when I brought him inside (which was great and meant I could put my lo down with no problems) but he started waking up too soon which was what prompted my original question. This is what bugs me with routine, I did ask them what they have been doing with him and it's all 'oh, when he's tired we put him down for a sleep' but you would think that knowing that they are going to send him to a minder that it would have been useful if he had a regular nap time!

Same with the outdoor thing. He has thankfully been much better, after the first disastrous episode his parents were upset by what they read in his diary for that day and I suggested that that weekend they spend some time with him walking out of doors and they did and he was much better. So they have listened to me a little bit, which is gratifying. I just wish they'd prepared him a bit better!

Am I wrong to expect parents to have thought about this stuff? Or is this the kind of thing I'm going to have to get used to?

xx

[rickysmiths]

Fi Fi has said what I was going to say I do. I actually have in my list of permissions where I can sleep a child, so in a cot, in a bed, on a sofa in a buggy or a car seat.

I do this because and I have had a 13mth ole start with me at beginning of Jan, found that they will often settle better in the lie flat buggy snuggled up. they feel more secure. This lad, thought the parents didn't admit it at the time was always cuddled to sleep, such a mad thing to do but that a whole other topic!!

He settled well in the buggy with a little rocking and a dark fleece covering it. I have gradually introduced him to the travel cot in the room next to me an he is fine there now and the next step will be to settle him in a bedroom upstairs. I have discussed this with the parents and put on his daily sheet where and for how long he has slept. Doing this also means, if it works, that I can settle him wherever it suits in the future. With the other children in my care I can not rock a child to sleep and anyway this is not a good habit. It is much better for a child to learn to settle themselves to sleep.

It is difficult when your routine is different to the one you know they have at home over the weekend but if you keep to it it is amazing how children adapt and respond to the changes.

I have had parents hand me a child and say here you are I know you will get them into a better routine than I ever will. Of course I will I don't stand any nonsense! These children run rings around their parents when they get home and the parents just say yes darling, of course darling and wonder why they don't behave well for them :rolleyes:

I sound horrible don't I but I'm a big softy really, I just have great expectations for all my children and I am firm with them, to some of the parents amazament I get them to tidy up and even the new 13mth old helps in his way.

Little acorns turn into mighty oaks one day.:thumbsup:

[Brisk]

Thanks for that, I like the idea of building that into permissions, that's something I never thought of. I think I feel a bit mean leaving a mindee in a pushchair but then again if it works and he is warm and safe and sleeping well I guess it's the better option. And I would do it with my own child, as she naps well when we are out.

Thanks again, it's nice to feel that there are people who understand what I'm thinking about :)

[rickysmiths]

Glad to help thats what we are all here for.

[loocyloo]

i have a LO who sleeps in the lie flat buggy every day! put her in the cot and she gets up and fusses and moans and fiddles and grizzles and does not go to sleep ... put her in the buggy, all snuggled up and she is asleep in seconds!

[Tatjana]

I agree with Rickysmiths in that mindees will happily go back to their weekly routine with me, even if parents don't follow it at home on weekends.

[fionamadcat]

I have a 10 month old who is always cuddled to sleep too and I also put her in the buggy and go out for a little walk, she usually falls asleep on school/nursery run so we don't really have any problems and last week on holidays we went out for a walk around that time. Mum is fine with it.

[SarahJellybean]

Eeek. As a parent of children who were both cuddled to sleep it would be a bit miffed if my childminder asked if she could let them cry. My answer would be a firm no. I would try sitting in a comfy spot eg sofa/beanbags and reading stories/listening to lullabies then he can sit next to you instead of being cuddled. Or like the others said try in the buggy next to you or out for a walk.

[littlecheeks]

personally i have never understood the whole cuddling to sleep thing. i dont understand how this helps with teaching children to settle themselfs and gain good sleeping routines. i think its a bad habit to get into and personally wouldnt do it for a mindee. its unrealistic when you have busy days. i think sticking to a routine for sleeping will help alot.