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rosebud
15-02-2012, 10:31 AM
Hello All
I hope you can help with some of your wonderful advice.
I love childminding, I work mostly with under 5's, I have good days and bad days, highs and lows - like in any job, but on the whole I love what I do (and think I'm quite good at it).
My problem is that I have a 7 year old and 12 year old of my own and whilst the 7 year old still fits perfectly with the little ones, gets on and plays and is (mostly!) happy the 12 year old makes my job really difficult during the school holidays. On the whole he is very good with the little ones but then he starts with a "bad" attitude and upsets the whole setting. Today I have told him I will have to get another job as I can no longer continue childminding whilst he behaves in the way that he does. (A threat I have made before!). I live on my own so my childminding earnings are the main income into the house, it wouldn't really be financially viable to go out and get another job, and besides I don't really want to. I want to carry on childminding but I want to keep everybody happy - him included.
I know that part of the problem is because he gets bored but I don't know what I can do about it. The day does revolve around the little ones, its difficult to get out in this weather as two of them aren't walking and so we end up spending most of the time in the house. His friends all live quite far away as he travels to school so he doesn't really go out on his own much even though I don't mind if he does. He loves his computers but I don't want him to sit all day playing on them so restrict the amount of time he spends on them. I don't mind paying for activities but money is really tight.

Please help, I'm at my wits end today!

alwaysright
15-02-2012, 11:22 AM
i had this a few years ago with my two boys, they would get so bored but werent old enough to go out alone. what about letting them bring a friend around to play with?? or is there any local holiday clubs??

rosebud
15-02-2012, 11:25 AM
Does anybody know whether tax credits will help will the cost of paying for holiday clubs when I work from home? If I could find a good one that offers lots of different activities for his age group maybe it would break it up if he went a couple of times a week. (Think I will feel a bit mean though). He is allowed to have friends over but just never thinks to invite them.
Trying to get prepared for the next holidays as its the same every time.

little chickee
15-02-2012, 11:37 AM
I have 3 boys of my own 15 (tomorrow) 12 and 8 and have had similar issues esp with my oldest.

i have explained to them why I cm. I explained that because I work from home I can always be here for them esp in the holidays.

I told them that if I had a job outside of the house I wouldnt get 12 weeks holiday a year and that during the holidays they would have to go to some sort of childcare themselves - although this doesnt really apply to my oldest now it did a few years ago.

I have told them how much I earn from cm and how that means we can have/do the things we need/want to.

And if I didnt work ther wouldnt be any extra money for treats.

On Monday we went into town and bought my son a new mobile for his birthday tomorrow and an ipod for 12 yo ( he has saved up half the money!) and told them that without cm I just wouldnt be able to afford these things.

They all now understand and are a lot easier to have at home in the holidays.

Could you try and arrange for your son to go to a friends house for the afternoon? Be proactive and say to him he can have a friend over one day too and help him make the arrangements.

Could he help you with the lo's and earn a small amount of pocket money for it that he could save up and then you could take him into town to spend?

I have found it hard in the past to balance cm with my boys but feel i'm getting there now.

Also - and i know this might not be pc but if he wants to play on his PS or xbox a bit more than usual in the holidays i would let him - its all about balance.

rickysmiths
15-02-2012, 11:40 AM
HI there.

I was lucky enough to have dh who is a teacher around in the holidays.

However I would sit and have a serious chat with him. He is old enough to understand that you are the only breadwinner. Discuss with him all the advantages of you working at home and the disadvantages of you going out to work.

Perhaps there are some activities he could help you with sometimes I don't know the age of your mindees. Maybe he could help with some messy play, appeal to the child in him, or play ball in the garden, chase in and out of tunnels and tents, do some giant junk modeling and painting to create a den or castle. He doesn't have to do this every day but helping in this way sometimes would help to draw him into your work and gain a greater understanding of what you do but how it is fun. My son is now 17 but has always had a great rapour with my mindees and they adore him.

He now baby sits for my mindees and so they are a source of income for him, he started doing this at 16. I am just about to register him as an assistant so he will be covered by my NCMA insurance when he babysits.

Arrange an older day out one day in a half term that will suit him more, you can take the mindees I found there was always something to keep them happy and it does them no harm to muck in sometimes the same way as they would do if they were younger siblings, you are a home environment and as long as you don't take them to the Chamber of Horrors they will be fine.

I have also got my two to help with clearing up, my dd did all my toy box labels, she is much better on the computer than me! They will check and clean a box of toys , sort my shed etc. For this I pay them both £10per week pocket money which goes down as an expense on my accounts.

Also maybe he needs some interests outside the house that will provide some activities in the holidays. My two have both been Scouts and my son is an Explorer and Young Leader now. My daughter did this and as soon as she was 18 last year took an Adult Appointment and is now an Assistant Cub Leader. They have both loved the variety of activities on offer, they have been Traditional Scouts and since we moved 8 years ago Sea Scouts. There are Air Scouts as well. There are also organizations like St john Ambulance, Police Cadets, Army, and Air Cadets. This would provide a different focus and certainly with Scouts there would be camps in the holidays and at weekends which would give him time away from the childminding and it isn't too expensive and certainly the Scout Association will not exclude if you can't afford it there are usually funds available and arrangement that can be made. Your daughter could also get involved, she is the right age for joining Beavers who are 6 to 8yrs.

Hope this helps.

Also, less so now but when mine were younger I always took at least a day off in half terms and more in the longer holidays and at least two of their school training days each year, I still do this with my son and the Training Day off was and still is a special day out for us. This gave me the chance to focus on my children. When they were at playgroup and Primary school i also did one school trip a year with each of them as a mum volunteer.

Zoomie
15-02-2012, 11:43 AM
As a childminder, you can apply like every other parent to tax credits to offset some of the the cost of childcare for any of your own children, provided it is an ofsted registered place.

my ds is 12 (13 on friday :panic:), and to be honest, he is limited on the computer but he does have access to his phone / ds as much as he likes. He can also watch tv upstairs in my bedroom (but he seems to have forgotten this:)). I no longer force him to come out with us if we are out for short periods of time (2 hours or less), and generally just let him get on with whatever he wants. Occassionally a friend comes around for a couple of hours or he goes there, but with other friends, I really need to do the organising myself (ie make him phone xyz) otherwise he just forgets.

Personally I am having a much harder time with 2nd DS who is 10. He wants to stay with his older brother, but is too young as far as I am concerned and I worry they will fight when I am not around. Saying that I do leave him for up to an hour at home, if needs must.

The Juggler
15-02-2012, 11:50 AM
oh hon, I could have written this myself yesterday. he is like jekyll and hyde at the moment. lovely one minute and so helpful then talking completely inappropriately (bums, boobs, humping :blush::blush:) he got sent to his room twice yesterday and in the park another lady told him off for telling her small child his football looked like boobs :blush::blush:

I was soo angry with him, never thought he would be one of THOSE kids in the park being rude and upsetting people :panic::(

However, today I think he knows how upset I was and has been fab - yesterday he got no TV, no DS no computer. I think it's hormones and it's a case of riding it out. I try to encourage him to make playdates with his friends but a lot of them are busy this week. :(

rosebud
15-02-2012, 01:52 PM
oh hon, I could have written this myself yesterday. he is like jekyll and hyde at the moment. lovely one minute and so helpful then talking completely inappropriately (bums, boobs, humping :blush::blush:) he got sent to his room twice yesterday and in the park another lady told him off for telling her small child his football looked like boobs :blush::blush:

I was soo angry with him, never thought he would be one of THOSE kids in the park being rude and upsetting people :panic::(

However, today I think he knows how upset I was and has been fab - yesterday he got no TV, no DS no computer. I think it's hormones and it's a case of riding it out. I try to encourage him to make playdates with his friends but a lot of them are busy this week. :(

Hilarious! (I wouldn't think so if mine had said it of course)

Thank you for all your advice, I knew you'd give me some good suggestions. I will sit him down and talk to him - I tend to try to make him understand when i'm already annoyed with him which is clearly not the best time so I'll make time when things are calmer to try to help him understand. He already goes to Scouts but because he's not into sports I've struggled to find other clubs for him to go to but I'll look into the other suggestions. Most of the time he is really good with the LO's but I've not thought about giving him "jobs" to do, if I pay him can I really put this through as an expense? (He does wash up for pocket money but never thought of it in childminding terms) And I suppose I could be a bit more proactive in helping him organise his social life, as others have said he forgets or doesn't think to phone friends or make arrangements - I think this might be a boy thing!

As I said in the original post I do have bad days but on the whole the only real issue I have with childminding is balancing it with the needs of my own kids. Its good to know that I'm not alone!

Mouse
15-02-2012, 02:21 PM
I've always said childminding would be easy if it wasn't for my own children! The older they get, the worse they are! It's the biggest struggle when they're at that in between age - not quite fulll independent, but too old to be a kid :rolleyes:

Does he see his dad at all? Could you arrange for him to go there at least some of the time? Or could you arrange to take the odd day off in the holidays so you can promise him a day out without the little ones?

rosebud
15-02-2012, 03:25 PM
Yes dads around - we just don't live together. (Won't bore you with the details, we've been together 16 years but have never lived together) Dad comes round most evenings and stays a few nights a week but he's at work during the day when I'm childminding so can't help me.
I do have a week off booked during the easter holidays and 2 weeks in the summer holidays but I try really hard not to take odd days as I know that makes it difficult for parents with work.
I agree though, it would be easy childminding without my own children! I'm sure I'd be struggling even more if I went out to work though.

mandy moo
15-02-2012, 05:57 PM
Another one here who thinks CMing would be a lot easier without my 2 (13 & 10) boys around, If I could aford, it it I'd send them to some sort of activity club,