Very unhappy - advice please (long)

[donnagwynne]

I am feeling very low and need a little advice, if anyone has any to spare.

A couple of weeks ago a childminder I know told me that she had given a parent my number in relation to having two children after school. She could not take the children herself due to some family commitments.

This parent rang me, she visited me with the children, all was well. Parent seemed happy with everything, made comments that my place was better than the other childminders etc. Contracts were signed, settling in period agreed,the children came and were happy .

Mum never collected the children, they were always collected by grandma. Then at the beginning of this week I was presented with a note to say that she was giving me four weeks notice with no reason. The (child who presented me with the note said that they were going to go to the other childminder). I was no longer required for half-term and would she still have to pay the half fee that was agreed in the contract. I said that as it was still within the settling in period, four weeks was not required and the contract could terminate at the end of this week.

Today was the last day, and grandma was there to collect them from school instead of me. She paid me for the week, but point blank refused to tell me why they were going, saying that "she did not want to get involved".

Now, I really get the impression that I have done something wrong. The children were happy with me, they all got along very well. I am not a confrontational person so I dare not speak to the parent directly. If I telephoned her and she was horrible then I would be heart broken. I feel as I have been given the sack and I don't know why.

Should I contact Ofsted and see if there has been a complaint about me? I honestly do not know what has gone wrong here. Any ideas??

[sarah707]

Oh Donna I am so sorry! What an awful thing to happen to you :(

My first thought is that the original childminder now has vacancies and has undercut you on price or something...

No point ringing Ofsted though... even if someone has made a complaint they won't tell you so please don't beat yourself up about that one! There is nothing you can do about it ... I would have thought though if there was a complaint one of the children would have told you - they usually blurt something out.

Please don't let this get you down... hugs xx

[katickles]

Sarah's given you good advice there.

Maybe you could ask the childminder - think you'd written that you knew her???

At least she might shed some light on the situation.

Hope your not feeling as bad - hugs x

[donnagwynne]

Thanks Sarah,

I really hope that you are right about the money thing. I hate to think that the parent thought I was wasn't good enough. It's ironic that I have had children come to me from the other childminder and they have all said that my house is better. Perhaps the grandma thought my house was too messy when she collected the children? I just do not know.

Donna

[Wendy Woo]

I think i would seriously consider phoneing the parents. I no how u feel as i am not a confrontational person either but something like this i think would give me the shove to do it.
U need to no why they left as if it is a problem with urself (if so i would bet its somethin really petty) u then no for future.
Phone them at least u will no and if they are mean blow a rasberry down the phone!!!! LOL not very professional but it will make u feel betta!!!
HOpe u get it sorted.

[miffy]

That is a really horrible thing to happen with no explanation

I don't think you have done anything wrong - grandma's reluctance to get involved could also mean that she is unhappy with the way her family have treated you.

If you can't face asking the parent and tbh it doesn't seem as though you will gain anything if you do then have a word with the other childminder.

I suspect like Sarah, that this chilminders circumstances have changed and she is able to have the children now.

You know the children were happy when they were with you so think on that and not the fact that you have been treated shoddily by the parents.

Hope you soon feel better

miffy xx

[NikNak]

I bet she had every intention of using this other minder all along as soon as a place came available. It sounds like she was desperate for care and wouldnt be able to find someone to mind her children for such a short time. Maybe you have just been used! Some people have no idea! They only think about themselves. Sounds like your best out of it anyway. Stay clear of them for a while and things will die down.

Best wishes to you.x

[RedDragon]

(((donna))). It's horrible when this happens.

I don't think there is a job quite like ours where we open ourselves and our homes to such scrutiny.

Try to think of the children in your care who love coming to your setting - after all, it's mainly the parents that have the problems (don't you think).

I would be more upset if I had made a child feel unhappy than if I had upset a parent.

It does sound like you were changed over for a reason out of your control.
I also don't like it when parents moan about the previous Childminder, it doesn't make me feel better - it makes me think I wonder if she will be saying things about me behind my back.

[mrsbumbles]

I know its the cowards way out, but could you text her and ask the reason that she has found new childcare?

I think you should ask because you are only gonna keep worrying about it, need to put your mind at rest.

Good luck and i hope things get better for you :thumbsup:

[mum22]

Great advice given - if it were me it would bug me till i knew the reason why - if you cant face her = text her or email or as mentioned - have a jokingly conversation with the other childminder along the lines "oh i see you have freed up some space aren;t they lovely children......"

x helen:thumbsup:

[Alibali]

How about asking her to do a reference for you regarding settling in etc 'just to show other prospective parents' and see what she says. You'll worry yourself, probably over nothing, if you don't ask.

Ali x

[jaja]

this happened to me!!!

I was at the school my son had started and another lady got talking to me, she wasnt happy with her childminder could she come to see me, i agreed and she was very happy she moved her children to me, (her dd was in my ds class) well she complained about the other minder slagging her off it went on and on and on. In the meantime me and other minder got friendly, then out of the blue the lady started complaining to other cm that i wasnt right for her and her children!!! (we discussed weaning her nealry 4 year old off the dummy and sucking tshirt! two days before,) she stood at the school gates saying that i shouldnt recommend ds to lose dummy when my dd (18 months!!!!) was still having a dummy!!! I kindly spoke to the lady and said that i didnt think there was a problem and i would like her to not to discuss my child outside school with anyone. Well the next day everything was ok and then lady turned up and handed notice, she returned to the other minder!!!!!!

I know how you feel and its ok to feel angry, unfortunatley you will come across parents and other cms who are like this. i hope you feel better soon, xxxxxxxxxxx

[Pudding Girl]

I bet she had every intention of using this other minder all along as soon as a place came available. It sounds like she was desperate for care x
Yup I reckon it was this too.

Put it behind you, have a lovely weekend and spoil yourslef to cheer you up xxx

[miss muffit]

I dont think you will find out unless you approach the parents, i would not ask the other childminder if it were me.

It sounds like what others have said that the other childminder has a space for them now

I would just hold my head high as you have done nothing wrong, and let then get on with it

hopefully someone else will come along and build up your shattered confidence. :thumbsup:

and have a lovely weekend :)

[ajs]

this is so awful for you donna but i think nik nak is right it sounds to me like she was just waiting for a space

if grandma thought your house was messy please don't send her up here she'd have a real shock


are we seeing you at rufford in a couple of weeks, i hope so you sound like you need a hug

[angeldelight]

Sorry to hear that Donna poor you hope you are feeling ok now

I dont think any of this is a refection on you and to be honest I think if the parent had any problems with you she would have told you

I think shes not been able to speak to you because she knows what she has done is wrong and she knows she is not really treating you very well by just going with no explaination

You know the children were happy with you so dont worry any more about it

Shame you have lost them though but I am sure something else will turn up soon

Hold your head up

Have a super weekend

Love Angel xx

[flora]

Chill out and enjoy your long weekend.

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong and so probably no reflection on you or your setting at all.

I agree she probably had every intention of using the other cm and your were I am afraid just a stop gap :(

Hope you feel much better soon :thumbsup:

[angeldelight]

Hope you feel ok today Donna

Angel xx

[cloud9]

I am feeling very low and need a little advice, if anyone has any to spare.

A couple of weeks ago a childminder I know told me that she had given a parent my number in relation to having two children after school. She could not take the children herself due to some family commitments.

This parent rang me, she visited me with the children, all was well. Parent seemed happy with everything, made comments that my place was better than the other childminders etc. Contracts were signed, settling in period agreed,the children came and were happy .

Mum never collected the children, they were always collected by grandma. Then at the beginning of this week I was presented with a note to say that she was giving me four weeks notice with no reason. The (child who presented me with the note said that they were going to go to the other childminder). I was no longer required for half-term and would she still have to pay the half fee that was agreed in the contract. I said that as it was still within the settling in period, four weeks was not required and the contract could terminate at the end of this week.

Today was the last day, and grandma was there to collect them from school instead of me. She paid me for the week, but point blank refused to tell me why they were going, saying that "she did not want to get involved".

Now, I really get the impression that I have done something wrong. The children were happy with me, they all got along very well. I am not a confrontational person so I dare not speak to the parent directly. If I telephoned her and she was horrible then I would be heart broken. I feel as I have been given the sack and I don't know why.

Should I contact Ofsted and see if there has been a complaint about me? I honestly do not know what has gone wrong here. Any ideas??

donna, im sorry to hear they have upset you like this. My first impression of the situation though is that you haven't done a thing wrong. I'd maybe be inclined to think that they were going to go with the original childminder all along but she didn't have the room for a couple of weeks so they used you as a stop gap. If this is the case then you couldn't have done anything anyway. I'd contact the parent to find out exactly what has happened but i think if they aren't giving you a reason thats because they dont really want to admit they used you in this way.
The upside is that i'm sure you will find another mindee with parent's who respect you and your services:)

[Blaze]

You only have 2 options:
1) Move on in the knowledge that you've in all liklihood been used.
2) Ring the parent & say that you are a reflective practitioner & always strive to improve & would they mind giving you feedback & telling you why they chose not to continue with your services, so that in the future yoan improve apon any points mentioned.

If it was me i would do option 2 as I know it would drive me nuts!:rolleyes:

Whatever you decide though plkease don't let it get you down...it's just the ugly side of this business!:angry:

[crazybones]

First of all :group hug: I hope you are feeling a little better. But I do think they have used you as a stop gap. All you can take from this is the feeling that the children were happy while they were with you and you did a good job. Sometimes this job is :censored: caused by others.

[Michelle M]

Good advice from everyone and I cant add anymore just wanted to send you hugs

[venus89]

What a nsaty way to treat someone. Sounds like you're better off out of it. Such a shame for the kids to be pushed from pillar to post though.

[vix84]

Poor you, if I were you I would write a professional, short and sweet leter. Just asking if there was anything that the parent was unhappy about and was this the reason she terminated contract etc. Id maybe put that I do not need to know the reason if you want to keep it to yourself, but I am worried I have offended you in some way, and any information to help you improve your childminding will be appreciated. Maybe also put a satisfaction survery in - keep it yes/no tick boxes to encourage her to answer without feeling pressured for giving reasons. Then at the end maybe put a space for additional comments/ideas for imrovements/any positive feedback.

You never know - she may put all positive, still not give you a reason and then you know she was probably using you as temporary care!

[foxy lady]

i think you should put it behind you, keep smiling, hold your head up high and something better will come along.
lets hope for her sake it works out this time with other cm.

[chez1373]

Sorry to hear about this its terrible when you feel so low im sorry i dont have any advice.......