Naughty - what to use instead??

[sharonmanc]

I have been brought up with using the word Naughty. I know that children are not "naughty" but sometimes they display behaviour we dont like, the child is not naughty, but the behaviour is, but I am struggling to find another word or other phrases to use, the "naughty" word still slips out, even with my own children.

I asked on my training, but was not given an answer, just told not to use it.

So what do you use instead, words or phrases?

I know when my daughter takes a toy off her baby cousin, I tell her that it was not nice, and try to explain about him being a baby etc. But am still stumped sometimes.:confused:

[Happy Bunny]

I use 'Not a Good choice' or ' That's not good behaviour'

[EmmaReed84]

Depending on the age I give the children choices...

Child A is playing with a toy. Child B comes over and snatches it. I tell child B to give it back and Child B ignores me. I then talk to that child and say "Ok you have a choice now, you can either not give the toy back to child A which is not very good behaviour and you may end up getting told off and time out... Or you can be really really kind and give it back and say sorry, then we can all play a really nice game" Obviously I adapt this to situtation, child and age

If the child chooses to not give it back I follow through the "consequence" if the child chooses to be kind I really praise them and tell them how amazing they are.

Also I dont tell children they are naughty or have naughty behaviour. I asked them what they think of their behaviour and they usually tell me... Again adapt this for age, child and situation.

We also talk about behaviour everyday, talk about kind words, kind actions, kind faces etc.

[sharonmanc]

Thanks ladies, I do alot of what has been said, arghh it is just so hard to dismiss a word that you have been brought up with. For me the word pops out, I get half way to saying it and then change what I am saying, as my thought process kicks in.

[AliceK]

Thanks ladies, I do alot of what has been said, arghh it is just so hard to dismiss a word that you have been brought up with. For me the word pops out, I get half way to saying it and then change what I am saying, as my thought process kicks in.

Like yourself I was lead to believe although going back a few years now, that we couldn't / shouldn't tell a child that they are naughty but rather that the behaviour was naughty so for instance we couldn't say "You are naughty", but we should rather say "that is naughty". Of course now I don't think we can even mention the N word :panic:. All my parents do though :rolleyes:

xxxx

[EmmaReed84]

Thanks ladies, I do alot of what has been said, arghh it is just so hard to dismiss a word that you have been brought up with. For me the word pops out, I get half way to saying it and then change what I am saying, as my thought process kicks in.

I know what you are saying... before I did my course that word was just like any other word... took AGES to get it out my system, now I actually feel "naughty" saying it, it almost feels like a foriegn word now.

[onceinabluemoon]

Difficult isn't it? I try to avoid the word naughty but then mum and dad come to pick up and child does something undesirable and they say don't be naughty...

[The Juggler]

often we say 'that's not nice' or 'that is unkind or rude':thumbsup:

[Katiekoo]

The idea is to avoid labelling individuals as 'bad', but I know sometimes if you're used to it, it's hard to break the habit!
We sometimes say "that was a bit cheeky/rude/silly wasn't it?", but it's much better to do as these people have suggested, "lets make a better choice" etc.

[*daisychain*]

" That behaviour is unacceptable" if I had a pound for every time I have said this !

[sharonmanc]

I am on the right track then after reading all your replys, thank you:thumbsup:

[Bananabrain]

often we say 'that's not nice' or 'that is unkind or rude':thumbsup:

That's what I say too. Or when it's something really irritating or that goes on and on 'It makes me very fed up when you do that' or 'it makes me feel very cross'
Doesn't always work though:laughing:

[Sunflowers]

Its a nightmare isn't it!
a 2yo (just turned 2) girl I mind uses the word naughty a lot herself!
she'll regularly call my own boy naughty, or say "naughty auntie Viv" to me usually when I've asked her to finish her lunch... not hit my boy, not throw toys etc etc

oh I could rant on this child so I'll stop there, the kids quite sweet but fast becoming an obvious product of her parents weird parenting style, combination of suffocating love and far too high expectations.

[chez]

I use "not a good choice" after a parent introduced us to that phrase. Its taken me a while to retrain myself to say that rather then not good.

[waterwaybabies]

its just a word.x
it is defined as disobedient or mischievous
sometimes kids are both.lol.x
as long as you dont label kids and only use it to describe behaviour i dont see too much of a problem. ;)

have to admit i dont use it myself though.lol [by choice]

[sharonmanc]

" not a good choice" seems so obvious, but i would never have thought of it :blush:

[Penny1959]

I find it interesting that people think / believe that they should not use the word 'naughty' in relation to children's unacceptable behaviour.

Naughty is a word in the English language and as such is no worse or better than any other word that could be used to describe behaviour.


When advice was given about the use of the word naughty it was given because the word was being over used and was being attached to the child and not the behaviour- so naughty boy or naughty girl.

Any word if over used or used in relation to the child is equally 'wrong' so if you say 'You silly boy' or 'You rude girl' often enough it will have the same effect as using the word naughty.


I am sure that others will disagree with me - but I do use the word naughty - ON OCCASSION and in relation to the behaviour - so 'That was naughty' or 'that was a naughty thing to do'.

But I also use a lot of other words such as those mentioned in this thread - so the children do not think that one word or phrase describes them or their behaviour. I say 'that was unacceptable' or even 'that is completely unacceptable' for the worse behaviour - naughty to me means a bit silly, done without really thinking, because you do something that you want to but know deep down that you shouldn't.

Also picking up on the point made by the OP - sometimes if naughty is a common word in your culture (ie from you childhood) it can be very difficult to completely stop using the word - and if you do to feel guilty or in some way a 'bad' childminder - the same applies to parents - how difficult it must be for them to be told stop using that word with the child - how much easier to suggest that they use a variety of different words - and if naughty is used now and again, it is not going to 'damage' their child's emotional well being.

As I say others may disagree but as we are allowed to have our own opinion and as Ofsted do not have any issues with me using the naughty word - I shall continue to use it - along with all the other words to discribe behaviour

Penny :)

[sharonmanc]

Penny I agree, but have been told that Naughty is a no no word, I always thought saying that is "naughty behaviour" was acceptable, as I was not saying, "you naughty boy/girl" - as to me this is saying the action is wrong , not the child. But when i mentioned it on my CYPOP5 course, I got shot down, and also those who worked in nurserys jumped down my throat, It was very off putting when i was asking a valid question.

The looks I got for even mentioning naughty, made me feel Naughty ;)

[EmmaReed84]

Although I have posted already about what I say. I actually have a flipped scenario.

My niece did a child physcology course and was taught CHILDREN are not naughty but their behaviour is, she taught her son he was a good boy, a very good boy infact but some did naughty things, but this did not mean HE was naughty. He grew with this understanding...

He was at his Dads house one weekend and was mis-behaving and his dad said "stop being a a naughty boy" The rest of the stay he became really withdrawn, when he was dropped back off to my niece and his Dad left he fell apart and said " I am sooo sorry mum, but I am a naughty boy"

Basically my niece thought she was doing right by always telling her son he was good, but sometimes his behaviour is naughty, unfortunately his dad made a comment without thinking and to him a perfectly acceptable comment...

What I am saying is that if we as trained CM, nursery teacher, or any other child carer tell children THEY are not naughty, yet other people dont use the same language can and actually call a chil naughty is that not just as damaging???

[Penny1959]

Penny I agree, but have been told that Naughty is a no no word, I always thought saying that is "naughty behaviour" was acceptable, as I was not saying, "you naughty boy/girl" - as to me this is saying the action is wrong , not the child. But when i mentioned it on my CYPOP5 course, I got shot down, and also those who worked in nurserys jumped down my throat, It was very off putting when i was asking a valid question.

The looks I got for even mentioning naughty, made me feel Naughty ;)

I am saddened that you were made to feel like that - and I think unprofessional of the tutor to allow others to make you feel like this - it may well be that in their nurseries that the word is not used - but there is not a law about it - therefore each and every person on the course should have had their opinion valued. It is only if there is a law about something (such as Ofsted requirements / EYFS) that anyone should be gently told that they need to maintain the requirements of whatever it is.

Penny :)

[sharonmanc]

Emma, it could be, but at the same time if they have places were this language is not used then that would mean that in those settings they feel safer and secure, s the damage would be less. When i taught secondary, I taught children with some horrendous home back grounds and they loved coming to school because they were treated nicely, there little escape, the same with children that loved certain teachers because they did not speak down to them, there are some horrendous teachers who bully in school (had to report one myself) but then you find a child who loves a particular lesson becasue that teacher does not put them down and allows them to be them.

I suppose it is the same with a childminder, a child may come from a home where they are told they are naughty (not the bahaviour) but withthe childminder this is not the case therefore this woudl lessen the impact if you see what I mean

[leeloo1]

I always talk about 'good/bad choices' and whilst it does feel odd at first, you do soon get used to it. I'm also finding that its catching with my friends/their children and my mindee's parents - apparently 1 little mindee tells her dad 'that was a bad choice daddy!' :D

Its definitely about empowering the child to decide how they will behave - and telling them they can choose to recognise and make good behaviour choices - instead of telling them they are 'naughty' and 'labelling' them and their behaviour. I dislike t-shirts with slogans like 'little monster' '100% bad' 'so cheeky' - etc for the same reason.

I did have 1 child who arrived and used to say 'naughty' a lot (also telling my DS he was a naughty boy :mad:) - I just told her 'we don't use that word here' or 'lets use kind words now' - until she got out of the habit. :)

[Pipsqueak]

I find it interesting that people think / believe that they should not use the word 'naughty' in relation to children's unacceptable behaviour.

Naughty is a word in the English language and as such is no worse or better than any other word that could be used to describe behaviour.


When advice was given about the use of the word naughty it was given because the word was being over used and was being attached to the child and not the behaviour- so naughty boy or naughty girl.

Any word if over used or used in relation to the child is equally 'wrong' so if you say 'You silly boy' or 'You rude girl' often enough it will have the same effect as using the word naughty.


I am sure that others will disagree with me - but I do use the word naughty - ON OCCASSION and in relation to the behaviour - so 'That was naughty' or 'that was a naughty thing to do'.

But I also use a lot of other words such as those mentioned in this thread - so the children do not think that one word or phrase describes them or their behaviour. I say 'that was unacceptable' or even 'that is completely unacceptable' for the worse behaviour - naughty to me means a bit silly, done without really thinking, because you do something that you want to but know deep down that you shouldn't.

Also picking up on the point made by the OP - sometimes if naughty is a common word in your culture (ie from you childhood) it can be very difficult to completely stop using the word - and if you do to feel guilty or in some way a 'bad' childminder - the same applies to parents - how difficult it must be for them to be told stop using that word with the child - how much easier to suggest that they use a variety of different words - and if naughty is used now and again, it is not going to 'damage' their child's emotional well being.

As I say others may disagree but as we are allowed to have our own opinion and as Ofsted do not have any issues with me using the naughty word - I shall continue to use it - along with all the other words to discribe behaviour

Penny :)

Totally agree:clapping:

I was told I was naughty - i was actually called a whole lot worse... and I am a pretty normal decent well adjusted person
I have told my kids they are naughty and they are pretty much ok - fairly sure there is no emotional damage going on. They know they are loved, wanted, cared for , appreciated and valued and so on, they know right from wrong.....etc

I remember back when I done the ICP.. it was being bandied about.. can't tell a child they are naughty - its the behaviour that is naughty. Well bull... the child is producing the behaviour and they are being naughty.
A person who robs is a robber, a person who dances is a dancer, a thief is a theif, a fraudster a fraudster... so because it may potentiallydamages someone's self esteem calling a spade a spade we shouldn't do it?????

Context context context

[EmmaReed84]

Totally agree:clapping:

I was told I was naughty - i was actually called a whole lot worse... and I am a pretty normal decent well adjusted person
I have told my kids they are naughty and they are pretty much ok - fairly sure there is no emotional damage going on. They know they are loved, wanted, cared for , appreciated and valued and so on, they know right from wrong.....etc

I remember back when I done the ICP.. it was being bandied about.. can't tell a child they are naughty - its the behaviour that is naughty. Well bull... the child is producing the behaviour and they are being naughty.
A person who robs is a robber, a person who dances is a dancer, a thief is a theif, a fraudster a fraudster... so because it may potentiallydamages someone's self esteem calling a spade a spade we shouldn't do it?????

Context context context

So true this made me laugh. It kind of reminded me of "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet" I am such a geek lol:blush: