Giving notice on screamer - what to say?

[newbie]

I have been looking after a LO aged 18 months for 8 months now and the child has never, ever settled with me. I have tried every possible scenario to make things work but the LO will just scream from pretty much the moment he arrives till the moment he goes home and after 8 months of it, it's really getting me down. I am also finding that it is having a negative impact on the other children that I care for on the same days as the screamer and have decided to give notice. I have always been honest with the LOs parents (who are lovely!) about the fact that their child will not settle so not sure what to say when giving notice. Do I write the letter with the usual 'business circumstances' line or do I give them the real reason?

[sarah707]

You could say that you feel the child will be better suited to another provision... or your could say it's not working and it's not fair on the child...

Good luck! :D

[crazyhazy]

I have just given notice for similar reasons, 1y old started with me in sept and it's only one day a week, she has never settled properly, crys a lot and wants me to carry her all the time. I found it was impacting too much on my own children and other mindees, plus I was dreading tue every week. I just said I was sorry but felt I needed to give notice as child was not settling with me and I felt it might be confusing for her (she's at nursery 2 days). Thankfully mum agreed and has now looked at putting her with another cmer for the 3 days instead (I had no space to increase days).

[Cazz]

I have just given notice for similar reasons, 1y old started with me in sept and it's only one day a week, she has never settled properly, crys a lot and wants me to carry her all the time. I found it was impacting too much on my own children and other mindees, plus I was dreading tue every week. I just said I was sorry but felt I needed to give notice as child was not settling with me and I felt it might be confusing for her (she's at nursery 2 days). Thankfully mum agreed and has now looked at putting her with another cmer for the 3 days instead (I had no space to increase days).

I think only being with a childminder one day a week is very hard on the child. I had a little boy start with me at 8 months and he cried almost continously from the time he was left until he went home 7 hours later (unless he was asleep from wearing himself out!). I also dreaded the day he was coming and breathed a sigh of relief when he went home. It's very draining and goodness knows how my own daughter tolerated it (she did use to say "Mummy, please tell G to stop crying"!)

I came so close to giving notice on several occasions but he was one of my first mindees and there wasn't much work around at the time. I also didn't have any other mindees on the day he came so I stuck with him and after nearly a year things slowly started to improve.

He's still with me and will be 3 in April. He's a real mummy's boy and most weeks he'll cry when mum leaves but it's normally over within a few minutes. I had my Level 3 assessor out last Friday and he was the 'model child' - I couldn't have asked for more when I was being observed.

I have to say though, despite my best efforts I don't have such a close bond with him as my other minded children. He doesn't like to be cuddled or have any affection shown and all the others are the complete opposite (well the 5 year old is a bit more reserved!).

[miffy]

However you put it I would slant it from the child's point of view rather than yours - eg. you think the child might cope with the separation from mum if he was cared for in his own home.

You don't have to explain your reasons at all - you could just say "due to a change in family circumstances....................."

Good luck whatever you decide

Miffy xx

[Two Princesses]

I was on the receiving end of this last year (hence me registering myself) and I would say that honesty is the best policy.
Our CM used to tell us how awful dd2 (18mo) was all day, screaming in the car, demanding attention at the detriment of other mindees etc (this made me feel terrible BTW and used to come home in tears :crying:) so we reduced her days to 3 days per week at the request of our cm. This meant my DH driving a 40 mile round trip to take her to nanny’s while I took DD1 to school. We did discuss if perhaps she would settle with a different minder or if she was just 'one of those children' so I contacted FIS to get a list of CMs. Within 3 hours of me calling one for a chat my CM knew all about it and asked if we were giving notice (?) needless to say we couldn't find a cm that could take both dds (FT for dd2 and after school for dd1) and I'm not sure if this was due to dd2s behaviour or genuine reasons (maybe I was a little paranoid!) Cm had holiday booked the following 2 weeks (DH and myself covering care in the holiday) so I was very frank and asked her on the Monday pick up how long she would look after her for and she (very honestly) said she thought that was it. I told her that I would think my options and more than likely hand my notice in at work at the end of the week and working my 4 weeks notice. On wed pick up I was basically told that she wouldn't have her when she came back from holiday in 2 weeks time as she thought that was what we agreed on Mon. We had to beg people to look after our dds for the two weeks until I could leave work.
Sorry for rambling but what I’m trying to say is please don’t expect them to mind read how you feel. If they know their DC hasn’t settled then they won’t be surprised, Sarah707 is spot on IMO. Well done for sticking it out for 8 months, it must be draining and I think a huge weight will be lifted when you do serve notice :clapping:
Good Luck
:thumbsup: