Parent possessive about possessions driving me mad!!!

[smurfette]

Grrr this parent (the one I am always moaning about!) is driving me nutty about her little ones things ... I have three kids of my own and four mindees and now again a hat or soother missing being put into the bag and gets left here. House is pretty organised and mindees don't go upstairs so usually it turns up in a day or two and I always put it in the bag that day and send it home. But there is always either a verbal comment or a note in the journal or a text (like tonight Friday 9pm asking about a hat which I am nearly positive I put in the bag the day her nanny collected her) ... I feel like she is accusing me and doesn't trust me .. Some days I know for a fact the item hasn't been here or definitely went home and there is never an apology when it turns up at home! Last week her bag got broken (which I appreciate is a bigger higher value item) and I didn't realise I think it must have got snagged in the car.. Mum turned up on doorstep next morning and said 'oh her bag got broken yesterday did it' to which I said 'did it?!' and she said 'yes but it was going anyway' . I felt awful about it and wrote in her journal I would replace or give her the money if she told me how much and she text me and said 'sorry if I came across that way there is no need to replace' ..err yes you did come across that way! And if it was going anyway and it didn't matter, why bring it up, why not just say her bag broke here is her new one! If it was going anyway it probably wasn't my fault but it happened on my watch so happy to sort it out but it annoyed me to think that she imagined I wouldn't have mentioned it to her, like I would try to hide it! Mindee has been with me nearly a year she should know me better!

Is this normal for parents? I know someone said recently that parents often feel out of control and so can be controlling which I think is the case here. Does anyone else miss things occasionally? I do try to be organised with their stuff and am careful nothing is ever lost for long but if you were the parent would I drive u mad?! Asking genuinely!!

[acorns]

Some parents are more controlling than others. I certainly forget to place things like dummies etc in a bag or find a sock under the setee the next day, I just say 'sorry i'll look for it later'. I do have a lot of things that I keep here now though like dummies for each child, their own cup etc which helps to avoid some of the parent comments, but I am trying to keep track of their things a bit more:) If there were any issue at one point i think i would just say in a general newsletter to all that they need to check they have all theirs child's belongings before leaving.

[smurfette]

Oh for ... Sake she has just now text me to say she has found it!! 11pm Friday night ,, good job I didnt disrupt my evening looking for the damn thing!!! :angry:

Thanks for reply ... I have asked her to leave things here but she won't!! Don't do a newsletter but was thinking of it so might do this alright

[rickysmiths]

When we moved back into the house after the extension was finished I decided NO MORE BAGS!

I invested in a small unit from Homebase with 6 baskets in which sits neatly under the coat pegs in the hall. Each child has a drawer and a set of spare clothes, wellies, slippers, etc all go in their drawer. If a child brings their own cup it must be named as are all clothes and shoes, I have 4 little boys at the moment from 13mths to 26mths and two of them have the same trousers I have had two of them in the same shoes same size!!

I do try to make sure that all hats, gloves etc go home and I am good at putting things on their pegs which have their photos on and tucking unattached gloves in pockets etc. If anything I find the parents leave a hat or gloves on the table when they are talking or doing their childs coat up!!

I have my own bag which I take out with changing mat etc etc in it.

[Baildon bears]

I have one after schooler, her mum really frets about missing things, her school bag is an old thing with her swimming badges on, it went missing awhile ago, I went in and had a good luck for it even though I had all the other kids with me as I know what she's like, she was really upset :rolleyes: I said it will turn up which it did, my view is if things are so sentimental why send it to school:mad:

[sarah707]

Yes a lot of parents worry about things like this.

it's a control thing - they are losing control of so many aspects of their child's life when they go out to work but this is one area they need to be in charge of so they chase down lost gloves, hats, scarves, pencils etc.

You need to learn to let it wash over you! In the grand scheme of life it's not that important!

Hugs xx

[Playmate]

When we moved back into the house after the extension was finished I decided NO MORE BAGS!

I invested in a small unit from Homebase with 6 baskets in which sits neatly under the coat pegs in the hall. Each child has a drawer and a set of spare clothes, wellies, slippers, etc all go in their drawer. If a child brings their own cup it must be named as are all clothes and shoes, I have 4 little boys at the moment from 13mths to 26mths and two of them have the same trousers I have had two of them in the same shoes same size!!

I do try to make sure that all hats, gloves etc go home and I am good at putting things on their pegs which have their photos on and tucking unattached gloves in pockets etc. If anything I find the parents leave a hat or gloves on the table when they are talking or doing their childs coat up!!

I have my own bag which I take out with changing mat etc etc in it.

We do the same as we have 7 children under 5. I make it clear in the begining I don't want their changing bags and all their clobber. Each child is issued with a draws string bag for nappies, wipes and spare clothes. This is hung in our utility room where we change nappies and in our porch is another draw string bag for their out door stuff. I make it clear that things do get lost ( particularly hats, gloves, socks and dummies!) so do not send anything that they particularly treasure. With have our own bag for outings which we top up as necessary.

[Chimps Childminding]

I hate it when lo's bring things from home - I'm talking toys here :( Especially when they are at the age when no matter how many times you put it back in their bag it keeps coming back out :angry:

I had a parent text me as I was on my way out to a Pantomime last night to ask if xxx had left her Ladybird at mine? xxx is 5 1/2 and I did notice she had a smallish ladybird (sort of pencil sharpener sized IYKWIM) with her when she was with me after school on Thursday. I remember telling her to put it back in her bag so the lo's didn't get it!!! Obviously she didn't :rolleyes: so I have now got to search through all the toyboxes for said Ladybird :angry:

[smurfette]

Glad to know I am not alone! She does send a huge bag every day with change of clothes etc in and I have asked her to leave a set but she does have to bring her bottles and lunch etc but I guess I could take to her and ask her to bring less? She sends a dummy everyday and last week she accused me of losing it but I knew she hadn't had it pinned to her that morning as usual. Low and behold it turned up at hers! I bought two for her that day as had none so really the other one is only one to lose! Problem is she is still
Sterilising at 17 months so doesn't like me giving her unsterilising dummies!!

[singingcactus]

Sounds like she is trying to interact and make conversation with you. She is using something she knows about as a starting point. She also does have a right to ask if you have seen the hat she spent her money purchasing. I wouldn't see it as a problem.

I often forget to send home little ones with hats if they are collected in the car, mum will ask for it the next day and I will say - yeah it's here. Or I will say no I sent it home and she will check there. I don't expect her to apologise for asking me if I still have a hat here should it turn up at home. It's just part of the two way discussion we need to be having with parents. The relationship begins with really trivial things, and if parents feel they can't even ask us about a forgotten hat then how can they ever trust us with important things?

[smurfette]

Of course i appreciate that she doesn't want something lost when she has spent money on it but it never is lost only here (or at hers ), I have no problem being asked and giving reassurance if it is here .. But it is the way it is asked in an accusatory tone and really texting me on Friday night about it?! Do your parents text you then about things that really could wait? And we chat plenty .. But no we don't connect really because she Is so abrupt about everything... You might have seen my previous threads about her.. A friends little one was given a hard time by this parents 7 year old about being overweight and when the parent of the poor child tried to approach her about it she said 'well maybe you should put your daughter on a diet and she wouldn't get teased' so it's not just me that finds her unapproachable.

Anyway just wanted to vent, dh had been away all week and I didn't want to have my evening with him disturbed (have to leave my phone on though because of extended family problems) .. Might invest in separate phone for work

[smurfette]

Oh and it's after I have told her something has definitely gone home or definitely wasn't here .. If I dont know I of course say I will look :angry:

Right rant over and breath.. Wash over me wash over me...

[Mollymop]

I keep all mindees bags on their peg and try to stay organised by putting hats, gloves etc straight into their bags as soon as we get in. At the end of the day I do a quick mental checklist to make sure the children have socks on, shoes on, diary in bag, etc.
It's usually the after schoolers I find forget to take home a jumper, school book or something. I usually find them straight away at tidy up time and it's me who txts the parents to say they left something at mine.
Lucky so far x

[poppy1]

I do try to be organised but as we know things do go missing.
toys stay at home or are the child's responsibility to remember to take home. (lots here )
i never search for lost things at school. (no time )
and if i forget to send items home they can wait for next time or come and collect it themselves.
had a parent once who was very unhappy that i didn't return a take a way tub the ones you get from the Chinese.
just made me laugh. very odd. seriously if i was going to pinch anything it would not be a plastic tub !!!!

[blue bear]

Not accusing mum of anything but some of her comments remind me of someone I know who has autism. Now he gets horrified when he realises his comments upsets someone but has no idea he is doing it unless told. His comments are often very abrupt and quite often concerned out of proportion to the problem in Hand.
I'm really not too good at sending stuff home each night, so I have spares that children use while here and leave their own stuff in their bag where possible. My parents have to get used to things being left but some struggle at first. If I spot something here after child has gone I text to let them know. It wouldn't worry me that parent text to ask about hat but then my phone wound be off at that time of night!

[wendywu]

If i sent it home then i am very defenite, No its gone home, or No i never had it.

If i do come across some item at the end of the then i will text and tell mum that i still have X dummy.

But i dont run around after junior school children. Its up to them at 8 to make sure that they have collected all their stuff to go home.:D

[Playmate]

Glad to know I am not alone! She does send a huge bag every day with change of clothes etc in and I have asked her to leave a set but she does have to bring her bottles and lunch etc but I guess I could take to her and ask her to bring less? She sends a dummy everyday and last week she accused me of losing it but I knew she hadn't had it pinned to her that morning as usual. Low and behold it turned up at hers! I bought two for her that day as had none so really the other one is only one to lose! Problem is she is still
Sterilising at 17 months so doesn't like me giving her unsterilising dummies!!

:eek:I think this women has and OCD problem and I don't think she is just trying to have a conversation :rolleyes:
To be honest, I would find it very hard working with a person like this, must admit I'm getting quite good at recognising them at interview ;)
I think a newsletter would be a good starting point, to help her realise you have more important things to be concerned with, good luck :D

[Tatjana]

One mindees mum has often texted me asking about items being left here that were never here in the first place, like a blanket or her husbands gloves! I'm sure she thinks I've taken them, as even when i've texted back no they're not here and I don't remember even seeing the items in the first place she then asks when I next see her!! :laughing:

[Ripeberry]

I've got a collection of 3 dummies so far ;)

[TooEarlyForGin?]

I have a mum who even frets about her 2.9 yo daughters hair bobbles and clips. She has quite short/fine hair, but mum insists on putting it in bunches, which within 10 minutes of arriving the child removes and drops anywhere she is standing. I try to keep an eye on it, but they are the little soft cheap ones and easily get lost. Mum will stand and wait for me to look for them if they have gone missing. Drives me nuts. If she hasn't got them in when mum collects I usually get a "oh isn't your hair a mess, didn't TooEarly get the chance to put them back in for you?".

[christine e]

I have a mum who even frets about her 2.9 yo daughters hair bobbles and clips. She has quite short/fine hair, but mum insists on putting it in bunches, which within 10 minutes of arriving the child removes and drops anywhere she is standing. I try to keep an eye on it, but they are the little soft cheap ones and easily get lost. Mum will stand and wait for me to look for them if they have gone missing. Drives me nuts. If she hasn't got them in when mum collects I usually get a "oh isn't your hair a mess, didn't TooEarly get the chance to put them back in for you?".

Take them out as soon as she arrives and pop them in her bag - a little girl I look after swallowed one (not when she was with me) and her mum still sent her in them but I just took them out and put safely in her bag:D

Cx

[mummyMia]

Yes a lot of parents worry about things like this.

it's a control thing - they are losing control of so many aspects of their child's life when they go out to work but this is one area they need to be in charge of so they chase down lost gloves, hats, scarves, pencils etc.



I don't know about it being a control thing. I used to HATE it when my childminder lost my son's hats, gloves, shoes, etc. and I don't think it had anything whatsoever to do with control. I am the same way if I lose something myself. I will go out walking the streets searching for fallen gloves and feel really upset for days if I don't find them. I think some people are by nature just more precious about their possessions. :blush:

[Playmate]

Take them out as soon as she arrives and pop them in her bag - a little girl I look after swallowed one (not when she was with me) and her mum still sent her in them but I just took them out and put safely in her bag:D

Cx

This is what I do, can't stand hair bobbles and bits in small children which is why my own had their hair short until they were old enough to keep them in. Probably why they both have long hair now at 11 and 15 and would kill me if I suggest they have it cut :laughing:

[loocyloo]

i tell all parents from the word go that whilst i will do my best to keep track of childs hats/gloves/etc, i can't guarantee it, so if something is special, please don't bring it!

any toys etc that come, are put in childs bag as soon as they arrive and don't come out again! i have a couple that bring special cuddlies for naps, but i'm weaning them onto cuddlies of my own ( several in the cots, that change, so they get used to sleeping with 'A' cuddly ( if thats what they have ) rather than a specific one! ) the same with muslins, if i have a child who uses a muslin, i use my own and then i'm not paniced about losing a favourite!

( mum said last week, how pleased she was that i had said LO was sleeping with a 'normal' cuddly, not bear, as bear got left at grannies ... but LO slept happily with something else! i wonder sometimes if the childs attachment to a comforter is more to do with the parents than the child? ( says me, who has 2 children still attached to muslins! ;) ) ie, the parent always giving that specific cuddly. )