Mean, spiteful child, help!!!

[aliwali]

Hi everyone
I feel like crying, I've had such a bad day. I have this 2.5 year old for 2 days a week, and I dread it as I can never be sure what sort of mood he will be in. Today from the moment he came in he was snatching of the little ones, hitting them on the head and pushing. When I told him not to hit my daughter on the head because he was making her sad, he threw the toy at me!!

I use time out for instances such as this, but when I go and talk to him it feels like what I say isn't even going in one in let alone out the other as he is back at it 5 mins later.

He is going to see a speech therapist soon on my recommendation as he can barely say any words and I think that may be part of the problem as he can't express how he feels. He is also going for a hearing test.

I spoke to mum about it today and explained that while I am happy to work with her, I can't have him hitting other children and he needs to learn that. I really worry that when he starts playgroup in September he won't make any friends. There are already mums in the playground who look and him and say they don't know how i can have him as they have heard from so and so what he is like (not from me I might add).

So I guess what I'm asking is can anyone offer any advice on how to handle his behaviour? I think I am going to give it 2 more weeks and if I can't control it better then I am going to have to give notice, which would be a shame as when he is in a good mood he is quite a sweet boy (although there is a never a whole day without any incident).

Just feeling like a bit of a failure today.

Thanks for reading.

[mushpea]

is it possible for you and mum to keep a food diary for a while and see if different foods trigger the behavhiour and also try and cut out all aditivies even the hidden ones that dont have E infront of them,, there is a special shopping list on netmums with these on.
the reason I say this is because cutting these out of a 3yrolds diet has totaly changed their behaviour for the better,, there is a very definate change in their behaviour.

[funemnx]

Hi, sorry you're having such a hard time with lo. I can only suggest walking reins while you're out and shadowing him at other times - don't leave him when you go in another room, take him with you, don't let him out of reach while at toddler groups. Hopefully he'll get the idea.. Good luck! :thumbsup:

[rosebud]

How about trying to reward the (very rare??) positive behaviour. Perhaps stickers or a little star chart. Most children respond really well to positivity. I'm not suggesting you should ignore when he is hurting other children but just try to get some balance into the situation.

[Helen79]

I would maybe stop doing time outs. 2yrs is too young for a time out especially if his speech isn't great and he doesn't seem to be understanding when you're explaining why he's in a time out at the end.
I think removing him from the play if he's snatching and hitting and giving him something else to play with is fine but not a time out as it won't teach a child with little understanding how to play nicely. Sounds like he doesn't know how to play along side other children so you need to help him learn that skill.
It sounds like he's already being labelled as the naughty child at playgroup and as he gets some understanding of it all the time outs will re-enforce that label that he's the naughty child who isn't allowed to play.

I would shadow his every move which is difficult and hard work but is worth it in the long run. If you need to leave the room to get lunch ready then get him to help you with it. Give him small tasks to do like putting the plates on the table, getting the cups out, anything to take his focus off hurting the other children.
I found setting up an area with quiet activities helps, if he's feeling over whelmed with being with the other children then sitting with him at the table doing something quiet like puzzles or playdough by himself while the others play may help him to relax.
I would look at his diet too and make sure he's drinking enough water.

[Tippy Toes]

Sorry I have no advice but do feel for you.

If things dont improve maybe is would be best to end the contract, if its making you upset and stressing you out is it really worth it.

Hope you get things sorted xx

[aliwali]

Thank you so much. These all sound like great ideas. Hadn't thought of the food angle so will definately speak to mum about that, as she is beside herself with his behaviour aswell.

We do use a reward chart, but again he doesn't seem to understand the principle of it.

I know that his mum shadows him at the toddler group on a Monday, it doesn't really help much. It just seems he can't cope with being around other children. I will start taking him with me when I leave the room though and having a quiet area instead of time out, I really like that idea.

Thank you again.