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buzzy bee
18-01-2012, 03:44 PM
One of my after school kids (9) has become particularly er... mischievious...

e.g. on the way home I said to mindee (2), "aw, don't chase the cat because you might scare him". Child X (9) then goes up to mindee (2) and says "Hey, Y, watch this" and proceeds to chase the cat away. Rather than say anything directly to him, I just said to mindee (2), "Ah, that wasn't very kind of X was it? Especially as I just told you not chase the cat - that was a bit silly"

It's like this all the time. And just little things like yesterday he was playing leapfrog by the TV and I said "please can you play that over the other side of the room, away from the TV" and he said "Wait" and did it anyway!!

Would you mention this to mum?

I've just lost an after schooler and can't afford to lose this one too, and really don't want to upset mum or make her worry, but it's getting really frustrating now.

Thanks!

lolli_pop243
18-01-2012, 03:52 PM
He is undermining your authority, and it needs to be stopped before the other LOs start to copy his behaviour.

I'm a mum, and I would definitey want to know if my child was misbehaving. You can't afford to have him influence the others in a negative way.

Hope it works out for you.x

rickysmiths
18-01-2012, 03:59 PM
You need to get tough and put your foot down. I wouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior from a lo. I would definitely be talking to the parent and telling them what I was putting in place to get things back on track and working with them.

AliceK
18-01-2012, 04:04 PM
I would be getting very firm with this child who should know better at that age and then if despite my warnings to him the behaviour didn't get better pretty quickly then I would be speaking to mum.

xxxx

rosebud
18-01-2012, 04:05 PM
I would tell mum you are finding him a bit challenging and ask her how they manage his behaviour at home so that you can build on what they're already doing. Making it sound like you're asking her for support will sound less confrontational than just telling her negatively how badly behaved he's being.

mushpea
18-01-2012, 06:33 PM
I wouldnt stand for his behaviour,, in the case of the cat I would have told him if he couldnt walk home nicley then he would have to hold the bugy all the way home.
I would speak to mum because if it builds up and you decide to either call a meeting or give notice mum is going to be serisouly shocked and you need to be seen to work with parents so speak to her and find out how she deals with this at home,, you may find she will speak to mindee about his behaviour herself.

onceinabluemoon
18-01-2012, 08:31 PM
Yes I would mention it to mum.

I'd also start making the child face sanctions for the bad behaviour and put a stop to it.

Tippy Toes
18-01-2012, 08:34 PM
If he is like this on a regular basis then yes I would definitely have to mention it to mum.

buzzy bee
18-01-2012, 08:53 PM
Thanks for the advice.

So this isn't normal then?! (I don't have much experience with this age)

I'll give it a couple of weeks and monitor it, then chat to mum... just hope she doesn't get annoyed with me and give notice.

Wish me luck!

onceinabluemoon
18-01-2012, 09:20 PM
Thanks for the advice.

So this isn't normal then?! (I don't have much experience with this age)

I'll give it a couple of weeks and monitor it, then chat to mum... just hope she doesn't get annoyed with me and give notice.

Wish me luck!

You don't need luck, you need a kick up the bum!! ;) (in a nice way)

Speaking plainly, this child has no reason to behave in your home as nothing bad happens when he chooses not to. He chased the cat when you'd just asked another child not to and you didn't even tell him off. He ignores you when you ask him to move the game and what happens? Nothing I presume.

Stop being scared of this child and deal with it now, not in a couple of weeks. Start being the boss and making him do as he's told instead of letting him get away with everything he chooses to do.

Why do you want to wait for a couple of weeks? Do you need to see how far he will push it? What if he does something really bad because he ignores you, what if he'd chased that cat right under the wheels of a car and the two year old saw it, what if next time the 2 year old chases the cat and runs under the wheels of a car because he's seen the older child do it and not get told off so think its just a 'bit silly' to chase a cat and not an unpleasant way to behave. Step up and take the bosses hat back of this little monkey right now before his 'mischievous' behaviour turns into something which drives you mad.

Remember that we are not allowed to let the behaviour of an over eight impact on the care we give the under eights.

Bossiness over, either listen or don't as you wish, but please take it the way intended and not as a criticism of your skills. big hugs, you can do it. :)

miffy
18-01-2012, 09:26 PM
I agree with OIABM - why do you want to wait a couple of weeks before you do anything. Next time he ignores you or deliberately tries to undermine you with the other children then pull him up sharp and let him know you will not tolerate it - you are the one in charge!

And speak to his mum - you should be expecting her to support you not worrying about whether she gives notice.

Miffy xx

buzzy bee
18-01-2012, 09:32 PM
That's me in my place! :blush:

I do tell him off regularly... I thought I'd try a different tack today with the cat thing, but I regularly say things like "X, I just told Y not to do that so why have you just done it?" etc.

I meant I'd wait a couple of weeks and just make notes about it because I don't want to overreact without reason...

But you're right, I do need to be more authoritative because clearly he is underminding me and has no respect for me!:blush:

miffy
18-01-2012, 09:37 PM
That's me in my place! :blush:



Wasn't meant like that at all, sorry.

Miffy xx

buzzy bee
18-01-2012, 09:47 PM
Wasn't meant like that at all, sorry.

Miffy xx

No it's fine, I think you're both right!!

onceinabluemoon
18-01-2012, 09:59 PM
That's me in my place! :blush:

I do tell him off regularly... I thought I'd try a different tack today with the cat thing, but I regularly say things like "X, I just told Y not to do that so why have you just done it?" etc.

I meant I'd wait a couple of weeks and just make notes about it because I don't want to overreact without reason...

But you're right, I do need to be more authoritative because clearly he is underminding me and has no respect for me!:blush:

Oh hunny, I didn't mean it like that. I'm not good at this supporting lark...
It;s just that I've got six sons and child mind 5 boys and I know that if you don't keep a firm lid on them they can get a little out of hand. You just need to stay the boss but you can still be real nice to them too. If you can knock it on the head fast you won't even have to discuss with mum. :) [edited to add, I mean knock the behaviour on the head not knock the child on the head... :blush: ]

If the telling off isn't working perhaps try introducing some fitting sanctions. For example if he won't move the game take it away and tell him you asked him to move it and if he cannot do as he's asked he cannot play on it (and don't give it back when he cries/stamps feet/ is rude/insert behaviour of choice). Lots of praise for good behaviour too and maybe a star chart or something with a treat at the end (my 8YO mindee still loves them)

We will all be here to support you and keep you strong! :)

chibault
19-01-2012, 02:11 AM
Agree with others you need to be firm, use few words, so he gets the message.

'cats are not for chasing' then choose sanction (no tv/ no treat)

I would use guiding words, so instead of 'stop standing on your chair' you phrase it 'chairs are for sitting on'.

Also sometimes kids need things in black and white, if you say, move away from the tv to play leap frog, how far away should they stay? It's like saying, 'don't splash water so much', how much is not too much? For me the best thing is to say, 'leapfrog is an outside game' or 'no splashing' this is really clear what you mean.

I also think you need to have a talk with the boy, maybe in a neutral approach, 'if your best friends all came here to play what
do you think they would most enjoy and what would they not enjoy'. This takes the pressure off him as he's telling it as his friend's opinion.

Hth,
Becky x

onceinabluemoon
19-01-2012, 07:10 AM
oh I am so dim! I thought you meant he was playing a leapfrog game (i.e. an electronic game) not jumping around the front room!! I definitely don't allow big children to jump around inside in case they knock the little ones and would have just told him not to do it at all, never mind moving away from the TV, but your house, your rules...