View Full Version : Terribly behaved mindee

14-01-2012, 09:02 AM
I started mindinding in August with 3 lo's, they are all lovely, well behaved and a pleasure to look after, but two of them are only part time so it left me with a full time space to which I filled in September with a 1 year old little girl.

Ever since she started I have had issues with her hair pullling, scratching and biting. I haven't noticed one specific trigger to it, she just does it all the time. When she has done something she shouldn't of done, I give a firm NO... this ends in her putting her finger nails down my face, I have had several nasty scratches on my face from her.

I'm worried that one of the other children is going to get seriously hurt by her, one of which is a 10 month old who has had a couple of scratches, luckily only little and the parent was understanding but it's getting to the point I can't even let her play with the others. I have stopped taking her to playgroups as I'm always on edge that she will hurt someone and then can't watch the other ones I have play.

I have spoken to the parents and said truthfully how nasty she can be, but I don't think they are on the same page. While mum has been picking her up she has seen it first hand for herself and said in the softest voice, i'll tell daddy or no fish fingers for tea, no disipline is given. She bites her mum and mum says, it's just a stage all kids go through, she'll grow out of it soon.

What would you do, try and over come it or give notice?


14-01-2012, 09:12 AM
Its a tough one , I can sympathise -one of my mindees was similar , nipping , biting.
Ive managed to turn her behaviour around whilst she is with me through tight boundaries , shadowing and consistency but she is with me full time, 55 hours a week . If your mindee is only with you a few hours / days then it will make her behaviour much harder to modify.
My mindees parents are so soft with her its unbelieveble and she runs rings round them - there was no way I could have sat them down and told them that we needed to work together and be consistent as the gap between what they find acceptable and what I do was too vast. But with a part time mindee I think its essential that you make the parents know what an impact their lack of discipline is having and that you need to work together to come up with some strategies that you are both happy with. You could consider giving a deadline to see some improvement or give notice - it may make them realise how serious you are.
At the end of the day you have to consider the other children in your care - as well as yourself!

14-01-2012, 09:25 AM
How horrible for you. If I was the mum and was told my cm couldn't take my child to groups cos of her aggression I'd be really shocked. Maybe you could try this? . She needs boundaries and this has to be an agreed strategy between you and mum. Maybe mum wd value your advice which you cd offer sensitively once she realises the extent of the problem.

I too have a very angry little boy but this is more due to awful home background, rough multiple sibs and a disengaged working mum - social services are involved. We spend a lot of time talking about his behaviour in calm tones praising when he IS nice and now I've started with books about anger I've just bought. I also do role play with puppets being horrible to each other and saying to him that's not nice is it what can he do instead of hitting etc. He's always very critical of my puppets when they play up. They do know it's wrong . The important thing is not to be so down on the child she thinks she's a bad person and gets a poor self image.

Stay on touch about this and let us know how it goes.
Hang in there. It's prob very valuable that the child has you in her life too

Ja xx

14-01-2012, 10:20 AM
I had a LO come to me at the age of 14mths and she was very aggresive towards the other children. Pushing, shoving, biting, scratching. I filled in an incident form and got mum to sign it when she had hurt another mindee. She is an only child and mum had never witnessed this behaviour but she was mortified and completely on board with me luckily. I shadowed this LO everywhere and wherever I went she had to come with me she was never allowed alone with the other children. Firm "No" and time out worked for her though and she is one of my lovliest mindees now


14-01-2012, 01:19 PM
Sounds like Mum doesn't know many other toddlers. I've never come accross such an aggressive 1 year old.
Unfortunately a lot of parents aren't a lot of help when it comes to the way they behave. I have kiddies who are angels for me then turn into horrors for their parents. Children can learn that there are different expectations of behaviour when they are with you. Even at just 1 year old.
If you say there doesn't seem to be a trigger for it then maybe it's her way of trying to interact with the other children. I'd encourage her to stroke the other children and hug them. Take her hands and make her do it, then really praise her up. It may take a while to break the habbit but she'll soon realise she has a better response from you and the other children from being 'nice'.
Obviously when she does try to hurt them she'll need removing from them.
I've used an empty travel cot before now as a time out zone for 1 year olds. If their behaviour is attention seeking then I find it works for placing them in it and ignoring them. Keep it empty and really boring so she won't like being in it. Give her about a minute in there, then explain she needs to play nicely and take her back out.

blue bear
14-01-2012, 03:44 PM
I'd be shadowing her like a hawk, taking her with me to toilet/answer the door etc. She needs you to be firm and consistent to learn at your house there are different rules than when with parents, children soon cotton on to this concept.
When you pick her up to remove from a situation hold her with her back to you but beware if her head because if she can't scratch she may use her head.
What is her speech like? Maybe teach her some signs or have pictures for her to pat to communicate incase it's just frustration at not being able to say what she wants to.
when ever a child does something unwanted I say "no " then I sit the child away from play and comfort the other child, I always get down to their level and explain "we dont x here"
I personally wouldn't stop going to groups, I might use the buggy fir child to sit in and calm down and ensure safety of others but I'd still go.

14-01-2012, 03:50 PM
I wouldnt leave her alone with the others if I wasnt there,, she would have to come everywhere with me, as for groups I would still go but I would tell this little one that untill she can behave she will have to stay by myside,, you could give her toys to play with near you then gradualy build up trust for her to go further afeild,, or you could shadow her around the group then when you see a potential issue start to arrise divert her attention then praise her for not fighting or whatever it is, you may have to take a fellow childminder with you to help keep an eye on any other children you may have but not going out at all because of her just isnt fair on any of you..
I would also ask mum to come for a meeting and tell her that if you dont see an improviment with x amount of time you will consider giving notice, dont mince words tell her exactly how you feel and the affect its having on you and the other children so she gets a shock feel then maybe she will wake up to it,, also tell her you are prepared to work with her to resolve the behaviour issues but you both have to be on the same page or it wont work.

14-01-2012, 10:40 PM
I've used an empty travel cot before now as a time out zone for 1 year olds.

Same. I had a 1 year old who's mum warned me she was violent with other kids and needed to be shadowed. I tried moving her away with a firm no, but she still figured she could get away with it. The first time I put this little girl into time out in a cot (for going for a 6 month old), she screamed the place down, but I was just firm and left here there for a few min. She never did it again that I saw! :clapping:

Daft parents who don't think aggressive behaviour is a problem are why pre-schools are full of bullies. :angry::angry:

16-01-2012, 12:12 PM
I had a child who was exactly the same. He was an angel when he came here at 8months but once he started walking he became very aggressive. I battled on for nearly 6months but in the end gave notice, the other children were getting hurt and i just couldnt leave him for a minute.

The final straw was when he bit another mindee for no reason, he just leaned forward and bit him right in front of me and another parent. Then he tried picking up a 8month old baby by her hair

I do understand that children of this age need to be taught right from wrong but to be honest considering the parents attitude i would give notice. Life is this house has so much easier since i did, although i do miss the money i would never take him back. I did hear last week he told the lady in the chemist to 'f*** off' and his new minder is having the same problems as i did

If parents wont support you with regard to discipline then give notice