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lqminder
10-01-2012, 09:09 PM
Hi all im looking for help and advice about a mindees behaviour. I have only had her since sept 11 she is 2yrs 8 months now. I started having her 2 days a wk m and f then the end of oct m, w, f. Her behaviour wasn't great but i put it down to age as usual tantraum over not getting own way. Her tantraums though can last an hour of screaming, crying stamping feet and can be over saying no, not getting own way. But lately her behaviour has got worse from throwing toys at children, pushing and snatching, scratching children full on tantraums, if she hurts another child refuses to say sorry, has pushed a child off a small slide at playgroup, she is now starting to be horibble to my own children refusing to let them play with what effectively are their own toys. I have tried sitting her down in one place next to me to calm her down, distracting her from tantraum, putting her in pushchair when it starts at playgroup so she doesnt harm her self or others, talking to her to see if i can clam her down but none of this seems to work, i have tried to find the trigger but there is no one specific thing. I have now asked mum to come for a meeting thursday to discuss it- i have told her when lo has done things i have also documented it in the book she takes home and i have a copy here.
I know that at home she gets exactly what she wants and when she wants it, i have also noticed from things that mum has said that she isnt at home alot or having others looking after her a lot at weekends. I know she also gets up alot at night and again given what she want one example i was told she wanted an apple at 4am and was given it. I get told that she doesnt nap at home yet she falls asleep her at lunch time on the school run or even if we are not going out and has slept for up to 4 hours on a few occasions. She refuses potty and toilet here but uses it at home- this is not so much an issue but her nappy isnt wet for nearly 10 hours here. I am now being told that she is saying i dont like her and she doesnt want me to look after her (the child is saying this).
i hope this makes some sense and someone can help as am begining to think i will have to give notice if it carries on as it is having an impact on my family now

sarah707
11-01-2012, 07:48 AM
It is so important when a child is not behaving as expected that everyone connected with the child sits down together and is honest about what is going on.

Consistency is the key - the adult has to be in charge and there must be ground rules. The rest you can cope with and juggle but basic rules must be there to protect the child and other children - we have kind hands and feet (we don't hit or kick), we stay close to an adult (we don't run off) etc.

Don't try different things too soon after each other - children need to know that each time they push the boundaries they will get the same reaction from the adult. That reaction should be calm and measured - not het up or cross.

So you say 'if you do xx then yy will always happen' and do it every time. The child will pretty quickly learn to respect the boundary.

I hope this helps xx

EmmaReed84
11-01-2012, 08:05 AM
My nephew is exactly the same for everyone else but me. I have always been firm with them whenmisbehaving. A firm "No!" if that didn't work a firm warning that if the behaviour os not corrected he will have a time out. Then if it carries on, I see the warning through. The first time he ended up in a time for 20 minutes. I gave him two minutes told him why he was there and told him to apologise and he shouted at me, so I told him he would have another 2 minutes. This carried on a battle of the wills and eventually he said sorry and was a little angel... Now I just have to say his name in a firm voice and he smiles at me, give me a cuddle then plays nicely... But I didnt give in, I stood my groud and made it known that I would not accept such behaviour.

He is a terror for most other people though, because they shout, try time out but dont see it through, bribe him to behave and none of it works

mr man
11-01-2012, 09:17 AM
i agree with emma.

i have and still give a strict 'no' and the children ( my own included, but they know the look too ;)) understnad this.

i beleive the change in voice / tone is the key things.
i cant understand how people can speak to children in a 'oh please dont so that darling'.
what i about twhen they do great things and are very helpful etc its the same tone as when they are getting told off. confusing i think.

have a meeting with mum/dad and talk about how you will need to deal with it.

ziggy
11-01-2012, 11:16 AM
I had a child like this, he was an angel when he first came at 8months but his behaviour worsened as he got older. MUmmy was supportive at first and then things began to slip, he was allowed to slap and kick her at home time, sleep in her bed, eat as and when he wanted to but never at the table, swear at her and anyone else etc etc etc

To be honest if she is allowed 'exactly what she wants' at home you are probably fighting a losing battle.

Good luck but personally and from first hand experience I would give notice

watgem
11-01-2012, 01:56 PM
i agree with Ziggy also from first hand experience unless every adult involved with her care is consistent and all follow the same system it will be very difficult to change her behaviour, from the child's point of view it must be very confusing that at one place she gets what she wants when she wants it yet at other places she doesn't, and at another place its something completely different again. Do you think if the parents consented you could involve the health Visitor? Sometimes parents/other carers will believe the information given by a HV more than that given by a CM?

lqminder
11-01-2012, 01:59 PM
That's how I am getting wanting to give notice. I have settled on 2 things depending on where we are when a tantraum at home a certain spot at playgroup pushchair/ next to me depending how busy and if I can get to pushchair. Mum mentioned this am that she was struggling with her at home and thinks its because she has spent alot of time at her cousins house where they find her behaviour funny and he gets away with it will see how meeting goes tomorrow thank you for advice

juslh
11-01-2012, 03:24 PM
I had a only-just-3 year old whose behaviour was atrocious for the first few months with me. Mum was in theory very up for working together to sort it out, but in reality was a total giver-inner when confronted with a tantrumming child. She never got to grips with being consistent (well, other than consistently giving in!!) but what happended over time was that the girls behaviour with me settled down loads, but she carried on being an issue at home. So it can improve ...bit its very very wearing, she was really upsetting my children too, and I did have 'Why am I a CM?' moments! I hope you find a solution soon.

blue bear
11-01-2012, 04:01 PM
If a parent told me their child said she didn't like me and didn't want to come I would say I think it best you move her to someone age does like. I don't want unhappy children inmy home. Tone honest at her age I think it's an attention thing but I would call parents bluff. At some point some one needs to act the grown upend lead this poor child, children don't cope well being in charge all the time, you can't take the easy option being s parent isn't easy, maybe some parenting classes might help?