Advice please

[SharonLR]

I've been minding 20mth old boy since Sept. He is generally well behaved when at home with me but mum says he cries and is "horrible" at home with her (don't think there's much discipline).
Anyway the last cople of weeks he has started throwing tantrums at drop off and pick up times. Usually I have him ready with shoes and coat on, as he tantrums if mum tries to get him ready when she arrives, but now he opens the door when mum arrives then shuts her out and tantrums when I open the door. I never give in to him, but yesterday he slapped me in the face when she collected him because he couldn't get his own way. As I say when mum's at work and he doesn't get his own way he may have a bit of a strop, but then gets over it.
Am starting to dread home time as it's a bad end to usually a good day.
Help!!

[ziggy]

all mine get 'difficult' at home time, like you i have them all ready to go out of the door.

Not sure what to suggest really with him being so young

My mummy puts boys straight into car seats then comes back to front door to chat or sign anything.

I can only suggest you have him ready at door as you already do, just hand him over to her to be put straight in car/buggy then talk to her about days events etc. Trying to ignore tantrum.

maybe others on here have better idea, sorry it's not pleasant end to the day but then again i think it happens in most minders

[vaughny82]

The difficultness at home time is very common. When parent etc turns up, the children don't know who has the authority over them, and if you and parent are having a chat thn they can act up to get attention form both of you. Also, it could just be that they have been having fun, and know that parent coming means it's time to go shopping/home to bed etc.

I go by the rule of thumb that if the child is in your house still, then my authority rules. You can then model positive behaviour management to the parents! :thumbsup:

[rosebud]

all mine get 'difficult' at home time, like you i have them all ready to go out of the door.

Not sure what to suggest really with him being so young

My mummy puts boys straight into car seats then comes back to front door to chat or sign anything.

I can only suggest you have him ready at door as you already do, just hand him over to her to be put straight in car/buggy then talk to her about days events etc. Trying to ignore tantrum.

maybe others on here have better idea, sorry it's not pleasant end to the day but then again i think it happens in most minders

I agree with above. Give mum a ring when she can talk and suggest that this will be better for her, you and the child. Ask her to text you when she's on her way so you can have him ready, she straps him straight into his carseat and then comes back to the door for you to update her and sign anything that needs signing. You can both talk without an interruption and he will be safe in his seat.

[JCrakers]

Very common...I have this too. Children are very well behaved here because I have rules and boundaries which we stick to. At home its more relaxed. Parents also feel guilty for going to work and can overcompensate by spoiling their children or giving in. Also the children dont know who is in charge when parents arrive so play up on both.

I see it from both sides, as a parent and a childminder. The only child who plays up for me is my own dd.:rolleyes:

I would just do a swift handover, get the child ready and just try to ignore the tantrums

[sophia36]

It's really hard to end the day with a tantrum isn't it! I had a little one (3yr old boy) who was a complete nightmare at home time. He would be absolutely fine all day and then have a huge tantrum when his mum turned up to collect him, screaming, kicking and hitting as well as running around my house and garden like a thing possessed!! :eek: :eek: :eek: It would regularly take her over 20 minutes to coax him out of my house! :angry: In the end i rang her 1 evening and suggested that when she arrived to collect him i would have him completely ready and strapped into my pushchair so i could push him out to her car and strap him in while she collected his bags. I used the tack that she must be tired after a long day at work and this would make hometimes much easier so that she could get home quicker and spend quality time with him. She was thrilled that i had suggested a practical solution to make things easier for her. Anyway he still had his tantrum but he was unable to run around my house creating havoc (much to my immmense relief) and because he knew his boundaries with me he didn't play up at all and was as good as gold getting into her car.
It was a great solution and worked brilliantly as i could have a lovely quick chat with her about his day without any interruptions.

I think sometimes parents really appreciate our help and suggestions but often feel awkward asking.:clapping:

[blue bear]

I often take children out and fasten them into seats for parents, I find spotting a bird/ dinosaur / dog etc distracts and keeps them calm.

One especially tricky customer we all (mindees too) used to go out and admire her lovely car seat, it worked so well we were still doing it when she left to go to school!

I always tidy up and read a story or another calming activity when parents are due so children are not pulled away from an exciting activity.

[dette]

I have a very demanding 4 yr old mindee who is an only child.When she startedwith me in august she was an absolute nightmare at home time,tryin to open the front door,which is a massive no no in my house and she was fully aware of this but tried it every time daddy was here.After the third day i told her (infront of daddy) if she ever opened my door without permision again she would be sitting on the naughty step and daddy would have to go home without her.She was gobsmacked and daddy was very relieved that i had taken control where he couldnt.Now neither of them has any doubt that i'm in charge until they are outside of my house.
most days he has trouble getting her ready to come to mine as she totally controls him but in my house with my rules she is much much better behaved,her manners have improved ten fold and she loves all the praise.Just need to work on daddy now to show him that he's the boss not his little girl and that it doesnt matter how much she screams party dresses are not the best clothes to wear to a farm park !!!!