please remember

[Helen79]

that a lot of us on here are parents, working parents as well and we may not all be perfect but are doing the best job we can.
There are a lot of threads about parents on here at the moment and I know that this is a forum for cm'ers to vent but a lot of the posts are quite nit picky about parents and there is a lot of insinuation that parents don't care about their children because they do/don't do x,y and z.

I don't understand why the parents of mindees do certain things but I don't know enough about their personal lives to judge or criticise. I might have a moan to my dh about things but I don't feel like I need to write about it on a public forum.

I have done many of things that cm'ers are moaning about with my own children because at the time it was the best decision, not always the ideal and perfect decision but the best one available at the time.

[EmmaReed84]

I think some times CMs need to vent about things, even if they seem trivial to an outsider. If there was a parents forum about CMs I bet there would be an equal amount of gripes about CMs. I think talking and venting to people who do the same job and know all about it it easier than venting to DH or partner who thinks "oh shh and stop complaining" Also it helps to gain some perspective...

So far I have been lucky the parents I have are great and I couldnt ask for better, but I can see why some people need to vent on here.

[ziggy]

I too am lucky that i have great parents, all very appreciative of what i do and always always pay on time without complaint

I think the hardest part of this job is coping alone all day and in my case rarely seeing another adult. If in a nursery/creche/school setting you could have a good old moan in the staff room then have a laugh and carry on. In this job you obviously cant discuss minding matters with friends or family, so this forum is only way to vent frustration, then take deep breathe n carry on. It's also good to compare how other minders deal with difficult delicate situations.

I have had couple of problems last couple of weeks and if i hadnt had this forum with which to offload I would have got quite down

[mummyme]

Its what the forum is for. If you don't like a tv program u don't sit and watch it, so if you don't like this forum..........

[buzzy bee]

We all judge each other. Everyone thinks their way of parenting / childminding is best.

The whole point of a forum is to discuss things, and quite often it helps to have a vent about something, and for other people to empathise / sympathise / offer ideas and reasons for things, to make us see things from parents' points of view, or to make ourselves feel better about things.

We are all different and if we weren't we would all be very boring :thumbsup:

[Becci26]

that a lot of us on here are parents, working parents as well and we may not all be perfect but are doing the best job we can.
There are a lot of threads about parents on here at the moment and I know that this is a forum for cm'ers to vent but a lot of the posts are quite nit picky about parents and there is a lot of insinuation that parents don't care about their children because they do/don't do x,y and z.

I don't understand why the parents of mindees do certain things but I don't know enough about their personal lives to judge or criticise. I might have a moan to my dh about things but I don't feel like I need to write about it on a public forum.

I have done many of things that cm'ers are moaning about with my own children because at the time it was the best decision, not always the ideal and perfect decision but the best one available at the time.

well said!

I too have done some of the things that are being moaned about and has made me feel ashamed! BUT as a parent we do what we do at the time because we either a) think it's best for the child or b) have no choice.

We don't always know what's going on in their life, it is difficult to understand why parents do things sometimes and we will all moan about them from time to time. But unless you know all that is going on I think it should be said very carefully.

[Penny1959]

I think like most things you are always going to get different sides to a story - but there are several things to be remembered when a childminder posts on this forum

1. It is a childminders forum - a place where childminders can ask for support and advice - and indeed 'off load' sometimes
2. Most people are careful to ensure that do maintain confidentiality.
3. The fact that parents can be members gives them the opportunity to put a different view point
4. Often other childminders do say 'ah but have you thouight about x or y?' and therefore the OP can consider another viewpoint
5. Those posting are often new or inexperienced childminders - and shocked at the things some parents do (or don't do) I used to run courses for childminders and usually the new childminders thought that parents would never do the things that some of them do do
6. The op usually knows the parent, child and family really well and so is basing her point of view knowing facts that those reading do not know.
7. A lot of negative posts about parents are about thinhgs that should not happen as clearly stated in the contract - and parents should stick to their comtracts - or at very least explain to their childminder if there are any difficulties in maintaining the terms and conditions of the contract
8. There are parent forums where parents are very negative about childminders - and often through lack of knowledge of registration requirements
9. Negative posts are not only about parents - see the number about DH or DS or DD - again the forum is a place where people can rant
10. Finally no one makes anyone read the posts on the forum - it is a free choice (I don't read the posts on Netmums as they annoy me)

Having said that I am glad that the OP did post as it does not gurt to remind people that others may be upset or ofended by their posts/


Penny :)

[PixiePetal]

I think like most things you are always going to get different sides to a story - but there are several things to be remembered when a childminder posts on this forum

1. It is a childminders forum - a place where childminders can ask for support and advice - and indeed 'off load' sometimes
2. Most people are careful to ensure that do maintain confidentiality.
3. The fact that parents can be members gives them the opportunity to put a different view point
4. Often other childminders do say 'ah but have you thouight about x or y?' and therefore the OP can consider another viewpoint
5. Those posting are often new or inexperienced childminders - and shocked at the things some parents do (or don't do) I used to run courses for childminders and usually the new childminders thought that parents would never do the things that some of them do do
6. The op usually knows the parent, child and family really well and so is basing her point of view knowing facts that those reading do not know.
7. A lot of negative posts about parents are about thinhgs that should not happen as clearly stated in the contract - and parents should stick to their comtracts - or at very least explain to their childminder if there are any difficulties in maintaining the terms and conditions of the contract
8. There are parent forums where parents are very negative about childminders - and often through lack of knowledge of registration requirements
9. Negative posts are not only about parents - see the number about DH or DS or DD - again the forum is a place where people can rant
10. Finally no one makes anyone read the posts on the forum - it is a free choice (I don't read the posts on Netmums as they annoy me)

Having said that I am glad that the OP did post as it does not gurt to remind people that others may be upset or ofended by their posts/


Penny :)

well said Penny.

A lot of this job comes from experience of different parenting ways/minding ways. We are mostly parents too so should be able to see both sides. I have had mostly wonderful parents over the years, some parented in a different way to me but I try not to be judgemental and we come up with solutions we can both work with.

We all learn from the forum and asking questions and giving opinions helps us gather a rounded view of situations.

A bit of thought before posting is all that is needed :)

[Bananabrain]

Well said indeed Penny. Thats one of the things I like about this forum, there are many wise childminders who will always offer fantastic advice gleaned through their years of experience.
Without this forum I would have def given up childminding.
Childminding can be an extremely demanding profession for so many reasons.
Isn't it only fair that we have an opportunity to get things off our chests like I am sure teachers, nurses, doctors etc do?
As a childminder I think the most frustrating thing is that despite my experience, knowledge and endless training I am still not given any 'credit' by parents, children's centre staff and the like. I try my very best to do the best by each child I care for, but many times find that parents just dont want to listen to me as I am 'only the childminder' I don't pupport to know everything there is to know about children, but I wish I was taken a little more seriously sometimes.
This forum is a lifeline for me. I always know there are people who will give fantastic advice, reassure me I'm not alone and make me howl laughing.
Let's be honest, we have all had parents that have done/said things that are plain daft. I don't think it really hurts anyone, by airing frustrations on here.

[Pauline]

2. Most people are careful to ensure that do maintain confidentiality.

I think this is the most important point. Most do consider what they are saying and when people moan and complain it is often a way of clearing their head, it helps when something is said out loud (or written down in the case of a forum) it does not necessarily mean that the person hates who they are moaning about, it is a way of release, the old adage 'a trouble shared is a trouble halved' is very true.

However, what I always urge members to do is to think carefully what they write. Leave out any unnecessary information, we don't need to know if mum works in Tesco or if they have just come back from holiday in Tenerife, we probably don't even need to know if the child is a girl or boy and often don't need to know their age.

Keep it as impersonal as possible and that way you are less likely to find you upset a parent who happens to read what you have put and wonders if you are talking about them, but at the same time you still get the help you need.

Here is an example of the right and wrong way to post:

a) Right: Parent doesn't want to potty train yet but I know the child is ready, what shall I do?

b) Wrong : Parent doesn't want to potty train yet, she is just lazy and can't be bothered having to follow D aged 3 around, she just wants to get back from work, she's an accountant, and sit and watch Neighbours all afternoon and I think it is because she has just got a £2000 cream settee from Next and doesn't want it to get wee'd on.

Parent comes along and reads 'a' she perhaps thinks: "mmm that sounds like me and there is some good advice there, perhaps I should be considering potty training"

but what if she was reading 'b'? She might think: "Oh that's my childminder coming on here and slagging me off, wait till I go round I will sort her out". Animosity begins and it is down hill from there on.:(

Sorry if this sounds like I'm teaching granny to suck eggs but we have had posts along these lines in the past and they do make me sad. Thankfully they are rare :)

[pinky33]

Great advice Pauline but how did you say a slightly naughty word and it not get ***** out lol ;)

[pinky33]

I'm gonna try it....... Slagging....

Yay I found a word I can use yippee

[Pauline]

Sorry is that considered naughty now?

Definition: to make disparaging comments about

Perhaps it has moved on to something more sinister since my youth :blush:

I remember when we used to say 'stoned' for someone who was drunk. I said it a few years back and my grown up sons were staggered "Mum you can't say that!!" when I explained my meaning they told me it now means that you have taken lots of drugs. :o

[Pipsqueak]

Well I must be blind as a bat..... I haven't come across many posts on here like that at all.

But to be honest, whilst I appreciate what you are saying and I have also been on the other side of the fence (ie a mum using childcare) - this is a 'staff room' albiet a virtual one.

I rarely see 'judgemental' but people expressing themselves and the need to 'get it all out' rather than chew on and get themselves in a tizzy and begin to hate their job. Some people do not have good, if any support systems around them - no networks, no trusted colleagues, no ey team, family who don't understand.


And lets face it this forum is a godsend, a lifeline for many and for the 'bad' you might see _ I and many others see support, fun, laughter, advice, companionship, people power.

I have been working as a minder long enough to be pretty confident about what I do - I don't profess to know it all (DO NOT tell this to my children - they think I am all seeing and all knowing) but I know enough to know that there are some damned awkward pain in the rear clients out there (conversely I also know there are some fantastic clients out there).

[Helen79]

I completely agree with having a vent and asking for advice but it's not the 'mum hasn't paid on time what do I do?' posts, it's the 'how sad that mum can't take time off work to do x or z' kind of posts that aren't asking for advice or really anything to do with childminding and are just being posted to judge the parents and imply that they don't care as much.

I love this forum and I've had lots of help and support on here so I'm really not trying to cause a scene, just to remind members that most of us on here are working mums and even though my kids are my life, I can't be with them 100% of the time, I can't go to every assembly and nativity and a lot of the time I have to put my work or other things before my own children's needs. I've had to make decisions that I've regretted or felt guilty about, just because a parent doesn't do things in the same way or doesn't prioritise they're children in the same way as us, doesn't mean that they don't care.

[wendywu]

I would say if you dont want to read them then dont go into the section headed ' Problems With Parents '

I think it would work the other way and any parent would be ashamed to read of parents using childcare without paying. Demanding that minder brings children home from soft play because she has decided to turn up late.

I think to be honest its half a dozen of one half a dozen of the other :D

[Helen79]

I would say if you dont want to read them then dont go into the section headed ' Problems With Parents '

Most of it is in the just for members and the general childminding forums and it's very difficult to see from post titles.
Luckily I've never had any really bad parents, I disagree with a lot of what some parents do though but I'm happy to assume that they must have their reasons that I may not know about and I would never assume that the parent doesn't care or feel bad about the decisions that they've made.
I'm really not saying that people shouldn't post about parents, just to remember that their opinions or comments maybe insensitive.
I use a few parenting forums and find there's so many more negative comments about other people's parenting on here which I think is a shame.
I have to say that I do find a lot of threads about how to deal with certain issues with parents or how to support them very helpful, it's just the ones that aren't asking for advice and are just for moaning about how uncaring the parents are.

[FussyElmo]

Sorry is that considered naughty now?

Definition: to make disparaging comments about

Perhaps it has moved on to something more sinister since my youth :blush:

I remember when we used to say 'stoned' for someone who was drunk. I said it a few years back and my grown up sons were staggered "Mum you can't say that!!" when I explained my meaning they told me it now means that you have taken lots of drugs. :o


Oh yes the other meaning is a female who puts herself about with the men - how politely have I put this :D

[nikki thomson]

I see what your saying but have you been on mums net?, they really are very opinionated about us cm and alot of it isn't pleasant reading, lol. X

[The Juggler]

I think this is the most important point. Most do consider what they are saying and when people moan and complain it is often a way of clearing their head, it helps when something is said out loud (or written down in the case of a forum) it does not necessarily mean that the person hates who they are moaning about, it is a way of release, the old adage 'a trouble shared is a trouble halved' is very true.

However, what I always urge members to do is to think carefully what they write. Leave out any unnecessary information, we don't need to know if mum works in Tesco or if they have just come back from holiday in Tenerife, we probably don't even need to know if the child is a girl or boy and often don't need to know their age.

Keep it as impersonal as possible and that way you are less likely to find you upset a parent who happens to read what you have put and wonders if you are talking about them, but at the same time you still get the help you need.

Here is an example of the right and wrong way to post:

a) Right: Parent doesn't want to potty train yet but I know the child is ready, what shall I do?

b) Wrong : Parent doesn't want to potty train yet, she is just lazy and can't be bothered having to follow D aged 3 around, she just wants to get back from work, she's an accountant, and sit and watch Neighbours all afternoon and I think it is because she has just got a £2000 cream settee from Next and doesn't want it to get wee'd on.

Parent comes along and reads 'a' she perhaps thinks: "mmm that sounds like me and there is some good advice there, perhaps I should be considering potty training"

but what if she was reading 'b'? She might think: "Oh that's my childminder coming on here and slagging me off, wait till I go round I will sort her out". Animosity begins and it is down hill from there on.:(

Sorry if this sounds like I'm teaching granny to suck eggs but we have had posts along these lines in the past and they do make me sad. Thankfully they are rare :)

no, you don't sound like that Pauline. I agree. a parents view/actions causing us problems is one thing, callign them, thick, lazy or stupid for acting that way is another. When they are refusing to pay up or being aggressive, yes call them silly or annoying but you cannot call someone stupid or lazy because of their parenting viewpoint :panic:

However, i agree this forum is for ranting and seeking opiinions. I know what OP means and I have been one of the chastised parents for my opinions/actions in some threads but I have to take this and WILL as long as viewpoints are put constructively ;) However, this forum has been a godsend for me when I'm upset or depserately need advice or just cheering up :D

[marnieb]

I - and all of you as well, I'm sure!! - use this website as a lifeline for support and help when we need it. Cm-ing can be a very solitary profession, without any collegues or and hr departemtn to talk to when we need help!!

Knowing I can come on here and ask for help with anything to do with cm-ing at any time has been an amazing source of support for me over the last year or so.

Without it ( and Pip! ) I wouldn't have grown my backbone!!! :D

[keeks]

I love this forum too, mainly because it is so supportive and because the tone usually kept on here is respectful rather than aggressive. I wonder if this is what Helen is after, to remind posters to be respectful rather than judgemental when posting?

It is important to let off steam, and usually on this forum I feel that this is done in a very non-aggressive way. Sometimes there has been links to netmums threads about cm's, and I can't honestly read them as they give me a tummy ache. I would not be on this forum if that was the tone.

Thank you, Pauline and others, for ensuring it is kept so friendly and nice. :)

xx