Children telling lies and how to approach parents about it

[MW01]

I was put into a very compromising position today. One of the children I look after has told another adult that I tied her to the chair last week when she was having her dinner. I was informed of this today.

I asked the child why she said this and she said she didnt know why she did. I explained to her that she should not tell lies of any sort no matter how funny she may think they are as the consequences can be very serious.

I told her mum about this and the mum was quite dismissive about it saying that "kids say things even though they dont mean it" I got the impression that she didnt really realise the effect this could have had on my setting if the girl had told someone else.

I have been having some behavioural problems with this particular girl - altough not serious - it has reached the point where another child in my care has asked his mum to have a word with me about her.

I have spoken to the girl about how she has made the other boy feel, but it doesnt seem to have sunk in.

How do I make her mum understand what is going on, when the mum thinks that she isnt a problem??

[blue bear]

This is really hard. Does mum actually listen to you/ her child? I've known adults that appear to listen but really are not and so children can come out with more and more elaborate stories to get attention, trouble is if mum is not listening child can then go onto to telling more people 'stories' which are totally untrue. Also quite often the adults then make excuses for their child's lies rather than deal with the real issue.

I'd say make an appointment to chat with mum when there are no distractions and lay it in the line, tell her what the consequences could have been for you, what you expect her to do about it and what you will do if she does nothing.

[mushpea]

I look after a 6yrold who lies,, it started off with ive got a stomace ache and now we dont take any notice of it it has turned in to ive got diorhea and i refused to pick her up from school because of this last week and when they got home she was absoultly fine,, last night mum came and said child has said you wouldnt help her do her trousers up,, she was changing in to her spare cloths but couldnt do the button up and she had to go to her school play so wouldnt have been able to get them off to change in to her costume,, all of this I explaind to the child at the time,, there were other things aswell such as apparently I wouldnt do her zip up yet she has never asked me,, anyway I explaind all to mum and she seemed happy with what i said but I also said that the child is starting to ecalate her lies,, mum refuses to accept its lying and says she is just misunderstanding,, child is 6 and fully understands things far more than her mum realizes and is managing to twist mum round her little finger,, I am considering giving notice as I dont want the lies to turn worse and affect my buisness but not sure I can afford to.
anyway i would approach mum each time she tells a lie and explain the situation,, I would also document any comments like the child has made and what the parents response was then get them to sign it to cover your back.

[miffy]

How old is the child?

I would keep a written record of anything this child does or says that involves an "allegation" against you/your family/another child you look after and her parents response when you speak to them. I would ask parents to sign to say they had been told about it too.

You need to think carefully about this one as it might have an effect on your business, especially if other children in your care are unhappy.

Not an easy situation to deal with especially if mum is dismissive - you need to decide what your course of action will be if this continues explain to mum and child and then stick to it.

Miffy xx

[Pipsqueak]

what miffy says.

I would document every little thing to cover your own back,
seeing as she has told another adult I would get them to 'witness' this - ie sign
document parents reactions (childs rections etc)

as to the parent being dismissive i think I would be telling them that whilst children make up stories (agreed) this could have serious implications for you etc etc and that you both need to tackle this together to help the child realise the serious nature and consequences