Teacher pulled me to the side today...

[Anon8319]

I do school drop off for my reception-aged schoolie 5x a week, and pick up once.

Well on Monday night she pulled me to the side and said 'no biggy at the moment but I just thought I'd let you know that last week X was found with school money in his pockets which was then taken off him, and today he asked if he could have it back!!' I said I'd pass it on to mum and keep an eye on him when he's in my care.

I have noticed that he doesn't seem to get invited to other children's houses (reception class is only about 6 children so it's a reception/1/2 class but they all intermingle) and tells me often that so-and-so has told him he will be going to their house on x day but it never happens. All seems quite normal but I noticed that mums were shushing their children when they were asking if he wanted to come and play, as if they wanted to avoid it. And I've noticed 'looks' and one mum is asking me lots of questions and saying things like 'I bet you're glad to get rid of him at the end of the week aren't you?' Well everyone on this forum knows of my trials with this child, but actually he is not even 5 yet so what gives with comments like that?!!

Anyway, this morning the teacher pulled me aside again. I used to teach so I know she has to relay concerns to parents and carers. She asked for my 'opinion' and 'perspective' on his behaviour and language. I wasn't quite sure what she meant to begin with and she expanded on what she'd said and explained that some parents had said to her that they are not happy with his language and behaviour and rudeness and that he'd been calling other children 'poohead' etc and had I noticed anything. I said he can be rude when he's with me but hasn't used poor language but I speculated that it's probably because he is the only schoolie and doesn't have anyone to play up to like he does at school. I also said I wasn't sure where he'd get such language as he doesn't get to mix with older children except at school. I said that he has been rude consistently but that mum is aware of this and knows that in her own experience he can be very rude and I went so far as to call him precocious (which he is) - not in a nasty way, just in trying to ascertain what it was she meant exactly. She also said he answers back a lot, which is true.

Now I know that this child can be very rude and does answer back. This week they are holding parent meetings (like parents' evening but spread over a week because it is a small school) and tonight was his mum's night and the teacher was going to raise this with her; she said that she was pleased I'd noticed the rudeness too. Now I think mum is a bit upset because she believes we have conspired behind her/his back.

How would you handle this?

[sarah707]

I think you need to focus on the fact that you are trying to do everything possible to support the child.

he is clearly struggling with some aspects of school and needs you, teachers and home to work together to support him.

The thing is, many 5 year old boys answer back, are obsessed with bottom words, say things that might be a bit rude... it's just them getting through the rush of 5 year old testosterone and usually passes.

If the child is going through more than this then the teacher should be flagging it up for extra help.

hth xx

[singingcactus]

Toilet talk is perfectly normal for this age group, and poohead would not worry me in the slightest.

I've been in playgrounds where the mums get together and single out one child to pick on. They comment to each other, to their kids, to the teachers and the poor kid ends up unable to escape the bullying cos it's coming down from the adults. I'd say the behaviours you've mentioned in this post (sorry haven't read any others about him) are normal and typical of a 4 year old boy. I'd be talking to the teacher about the attitude of the parents, cos the teacher is probably unaware of it and so is unable to take steps to support this child in the classroom.

[blue bear]

Did you have written permission to talk with the teacher? I presume mum is aware you too find mindee rude and so it can come as no surprise you made that confirmation to the teacher.
Sounds to me she was writing you off as 'only the 'childminder' but somehow it's so much harder to ignore when the teacher brings up the same concerns.

Did you tell mum what was discussed at school, I would have straight away on collection as you have nothing to hide and are just trying to work with the school for the best for your mindee.

Be upfront and honest with mum so she doesn't think you are talking behind her back. Log everything that was said get mum to sign to say you have advised her. Give her a copy and keep a copy for your records.

[LChurch]

I would agree that 'poohead' is quite normal language for a reception child. Esp if they are the youngest of a mixed class of different yr groups, presume it is a village school.

[Kiddleywinks]

Toilet talk is very common at this age.... and beyond (especially with boys, I find lol), however, it sounds to me like he is lacking in 'social skills', and possibly doesn't have the maturity/vocabulary to express himself...? (given that he is only 4)

I think if it was me, I'd talk to mum, especially as she is already aware, but in a 'look, I don't want you to get upset and it's something we can all work on so don't despair' kind of way

[Anon8319]

Oh yes, the language doesn't worry me in the slightest to be honest because I've worked with children for a long time and heard a lot lot worse! It was just the fact the teacher collared me in the classroom and I was worried the mum was upset about her son being discussed, but it turns out she isn't and that she knows he uses this language.

She is very good and knows that he is rude and does tell him, but I really don't think she does it in the right way. She does listen to my concerns and often says she is embarrassed and mortified at his behaviour when it is relayed to her, but I think the fact other parents have raised this, did actually upset her, which I guess is understandable.

The boy has firm and consistent boundaries when he is with me, but his homelife is difficult and complicated so there is not the consistency there.

I did speak to her about it this morning (didn't see her last night), but she wasn't really worried.

[Kes]

Sounds just like a lad that I look after and he too gets commented about to me and I dismiss a lot of it. They only see him in social situations which is when he displays this sort of behaviour. In my house he sometimes has his moments but is usually fine and fairly well behaved for a child of this age.

Does this happen mostly in social situations with him too? I only ask cause the child I look after has been put down as having Asperges and might be something that they need to look at with your child too as he may need some specialist support.

[wendywu]

[QUOTE=fi fi;1009228]Did you have written permission to talk with the teacher? I



You would need to have a information sharing permission form signed with this age group under the eyfs anyway.